Last night I watched "The Bridal Wars" or something to that title. I usually don't like those kinds of movies, or at least I say I don't. They often leave me cranky, bitter and full of angst because I swear that they create unrealistic expectations for romance. I wrinkle my nose (for real- I do... just thinking about it I found my self doing it.) at those tear jerking moments of glee between sweet love.
All is always so convenient, and perfect and so unlike life. I can feel the disappointment building up in the countless single women out there when they realize that men fart, and sometimes are jerks and say shitty things. They don't know the difference between Birks and buying a necklace from one of those quarter machines at the doors in the supermarkets and truth be told and they don't want to always rub your feet. All in all, really it doesn't matter... the air clears, they say they are sorry (and sometimes we can be jerks too) and isn't it just nice that they were thinking of you when they bought you that shiny bit of something?
OK- off topic.. what I initially wanted to talk about was change...evolution. There was a moment in the movie last night that one of the main characters said to her soon to be husband "I'm not the girl I was 10 years ago, the problem is... you are still in love with the girl from 10 years ago."
In other words- I've out grown you. That is a wonderful and scary place to be all at once. On one side you realise that you do have a back bone.. you've grown as a person and posses a whole new plethora of skills. Ones that might allow you to speak your mind, be your self or possibly regenerate like some superheros I know... on the other hand though its scary because it means that in order to obtain satisfaction from life you have to be true to your self. What may have been good 10 years ago may not be good now. The wonderful thing is that usually... if we don't try to hang on to what isn't ours we shed these old people, patterns and things like snakes shed their skin (i.e: lose the death grip).
It sometimes scares me when I see this popping up in my life, I want to grab everything and keep it just so until I am ready to make sense of what's about to happen. I make myself sick trying to take control of the uncontrollable making a bigger mess then what naturally would have been. Then I realise that things are just adjusting to the times and my shoulders relax and I finally let go and fall back into life. When I think of this moment I see a flower bursting open wide and bright-full of life. Unafraid of the visitors that come to play in their pollen and accepting of the elements around them. Fully participating in life. It's all rather wonderful... I'm fully participating in my life.