He's real. As real as you, me and Brooklyn (the city he lives in). It's Death Bear. I'm not making this up, if I were he wouldn't be as scary and he would be a bunny. A bunny called Death Bunny and it wouldn't be wearing a black helmet because that's just scary. But I'm not making this up and Death Bear really does exist.
We all have someone or something we would rather just forget. Things fall apart. Love hurts. Dreams die. But when you summon Death Bear to your door, you can rest assured that help has come. At first you may be intimidated by his stature and color (7 feet tall with a hard, black bear head, black jumpsuit, and black boots), but absorbing the memories of others is a dark art, and Death Bear must present himself appropriately for this solemn duty. Death Bear will take things from you that trigger painful memories and stow them away in his cave where they will remain forever allowing you to move on with your life. Give him an ex's clothes, old photos, mementos, letters, etc. Death Bear is here to assist you in your time of tragedy, heartbreak, and loss. Let Death Bear help you, and absorb your pain into his cave.
Serving all Brooklyn only
Text XXX-XXX-XXXX for an appointment
Death Bear in the news:
So, do you have anything for dear ol' Death Bear?
(this post feels creepier then I meant it to be- sorry... Happy Friday!)