Thursday, September 30, 2010

Now Just Hold On A Second

Riq using the tree to scratch his back

So, I could continue on and blab about this and that and all these wonderful silly things that happen in my life and just how I am. Truth be told, I have other things going on too. We all do don't we. We all have stories and times when things seem a bit much and than there are those times when it feels like you can't do anything wrong in life.

Usually I am feel fantastic but I've take a bit of a trip and things have sort of stalled me a bit. I'm good- regardless. I will be for year, decades and maybe even a century. Or at least that is what I am trying to convince myself. No, I'm really okay.

There won't be a thanks giving dinner this October which is unfortunate, it's one of my favorite holidays. Spending all that time with some of the people closest to me- it's great. It's pretty rare that we are ALL together at the same time, this year will not be any different. My mum is going in for another surgery. Apparently they found something that looks like the "C" word (Cancer) and so she is being operated on Tuesday. My oldest sister is coming in from Vancouver for the day. I think she suddenly feels left out of my parents life because she has been so focused on her self, which is fine. She has made a successful business for herself but I think it just kind of slipped her mind that time is moving a long and with that we are all getting older.

Because of my family situation my parents are older then other parents of children my age so their health appears more fragile and I am slowing coming to terms with the fact that they will die. As enlightening as that thought is I know that one day I will have to deal with that. Each minor health issue that pops up for either my father or my mother is just one more reminder that time is moving along.  I am the executor of both my parents will and two of my siblings. This whole death thing that everyone is talking about right now is pretty sobering and the shitting thing is I was never drunk to begin with. I didn't need sobering up.

So, over the last year there has been a lot of sickness and death in my family. Lots of surgeries and everyone taking full advantage of our socialized health care system (thank goodness). It might not help that I am in the line of work that I am. I deal with illness, injury and death on a daily bases (in between spreadsheets and RRSP's). It's weird to talking to someone one week and the next requesting death certificates from grieving family members.

The good news is I haven't been sick in a while and after having my whole body checked over I am as healthy as a horse (Naaay)- minus a health dose of stress. we all need a little to know we are alive.  Bonus points for keeping up with my Sinus Rinse- BOOYAH!

I've been working on some things in my life that need to be refreshed. I refuse to let life slip me by without actually trying to partake in it however because I am facing fears it hasn't all been pleasant. I'm working on it through...

Our family's oldest dog, Riq is sick too. That is always a difficult thing. He has cancer and my mum has done everything possible to try and keep on top of the tumors but it has gotten to be too much. So now we have embarked on a waiting game. It has been hard watching him slow down- his spirits are still high and elated but he sleeps more. Walks slower and just over all is showing his age. He has lived a full life and isn't ready to go just yet but again, preparation is key. Doesn't make it any less sad though and the hard thing is I feel as thought I have to justify my sadness. Some people just don't understand the depth of connection between an animal and a human. No bereavement time for me.

Sometimes I get tired of pretending that none of this is going on inside of my head and truly this isn't the half of it. Along with the fluff, trivial knowledge  and music lyrics there are thoughts that aren't as pleasing to the mind. I don't really know when to talk about it either, I see that everyone else has their own troubles and I just don't want to get involved with my own. Is this really show and tell? I guess this goes back to a post I wrote a month or so ago about being human.. That to be human is to be everything that you are, not just selective portions.  

Being human can be uncomfortable. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

So this is me being authentic- this is who I am right this very moment and I am okay with that. Candy diet, University courses and all. This is also my blog so I give myself permission to say whatever the heck I want to say.

and with that I say Good Night- sleep tight.

1 comment:

Kristin said...

I'm so sorry that you've been going through such a rough time. I've lost quite a few loved ones in the past couple years, including my beloved kitty last month. I truly hope that happy times find you asap!