Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Dreams

easy like Sunday morning...

I have these dreams. Not ones that happen at night when I'm sleeping but during the day when I'm working, or walking or just sitting looking out the window. These day dreams have been the same since I was little...

Sunday morning, sunny kitchen, sitting with my partner in the sun spot pouring over the paper after having made and devoured a homemade Sunday brunch. No where to go, nothing to do except sit there in the sun and read the paper together. It's not a perfect kitchen but a simple kitchen with a window over the sink and curtains. Comfortably small and perfect as the heart of the home.

Front porch, later afternoons and early morning. Sitting and watching the day settle into it's self. I'm old and satisfied, again with my partner by my side. Getting up only to tend to the garden a little, or perhaps go inside for things to eat but always ending up back outside, enjoying life at it's plainest.

Traveling to interesting places. Not on a cruise, not to an all inclusive resort but to little interesting places where you get swallowed up by the culture. Not being scared to drink the water or eat the food, just being free to enjoy. Not worrying about worry.

My dreams are fragmented and just little glimpses of what I want. It's unfair to expect that any of these will come true to being what I see in my mind but it's something I am working towards. The longest dream I've ever had was one of companionship. As a little girl I never imagined my wedding or who I would marry or any of that stuff that most little girls play around with inside their mind. I wanted to be a witch or maybe a gypsy and move to the ocean and just exist. I figured I'd have a companion and there would be love. I dream about the adventures we'd have and eventually it all ending as two pruney senior walking hand in hand in the rain with our rain gear on. 98 and still living together in our house which is of course is situated by the ocean and a rainforest. Still able to do things for ourselves and still happy, healthy and living.

Is it normal to want this? Or should I have my sight set on owning a Mercedes mall assault vehicle, a big gnarly vacation house in Beverly Hills and being married in a $60,000 dress at my $500,000 wedding celebration.

Does this make me unmotivated? Does this make me a low achiever?

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