I created an outline at the beginning of 2011. I usually do this around my birthday, I can't help it. My mind just wants to evaluate my life progress but this year, it happened right at the start of the year. I'm moving into my 6 month review of those "goals" i created.
The biggest thing was maintaining the growth I was working on with myself. In 2010 I was finding that in classes and learned activities however in 2011 I am finding that on a much deeper level. It can't be manipulated or forced as I am finding it in the evolution of my relationships. I have had to learn to let go of a lot of those connections. Some of them were easier then others. I've also been enjoying the growth of a relationship that has quickly come to mean a lot to me. I've been stretching my vulnerability and therefore opening myself up for the potential of failure and more importantly... success.
Travel has been slowly occurring, though the steps have been small, right now, I am getting there. In my mind I see everything picking up speed a little later on. It's nice having someone in my life who makes things happen quicker than I do. I'm so used to being the one who makes all the choices and plans and for once, I'm not. I have someone who meets me half way and creates the opportunities for me to grasp onto.
As I start to settle down into a new routine of sleep and relating I am aware that I am starting to make plans. I have a goal to create my own business. Just a small one funded by my own dollars. It's so obtainable that I can taste it. I just need to decide on my direction. With some further focus I think I'll be able to start something. What I have to remind myself is that the first try doesn't need to be perfect. I just need to get my foot wet and go from there. I get stuck on the perfection and details and for once I need to have faith and just do. Obviously not with complete ignorance but I don't need to have every detail hashed out. I'm not going to loose much so lets just jump in and do it!
I am also aware that my job needs to change. I've been hanging in there in attempts to reclaim that sense of satisfaction I used to get from it. It's lost though so I am asking myself questions like "What do I want to do next" "Do I want to stay in the industry?" "What options do I have?"and see where that leads me. I'm keeping myself open to change by talking to different people and checking jobs. Researching companies I might be interested in working for. Its less about what I do and more about who I work for. A company can do so much to a career. I'm always open to changes... I think about the goals I have and how I can use my work to help me achieve them further like should I try to find a job with West Jet? I'm also searching for something that might be that one job that I keep for the rest of my life. Or at least the field. Art Therapy for Children? Dietitian? Social Worker? Geologist? Civil Engineer? Life Coach? Magazine Editor and Founder? Some of these things I can't see myself staying in school for that long but as I have done with most other jobs I start at the bottom and work my way up. Taking advantage of training and experience.
I'm proud to say that most of the fears that ruled my life last year have pretty much disappeared over the last 5 months. The OCD is 96.5% gone- just POOF! Gone. I am still amazed at how authentically I'm functioning. I don't have the created distractions anymore, really... my biggest distraction right now is my heart and that's a good thing. It's healthy. I can tell though I get a little overwhelmed at times with how much capacity I have for feelings towards another person who isn't just a friend but I'm not that scared anymore. I've even abolished that careful nature I tend to exhibit.
I'm still working on the guitar and slowly see an improvement in my playing skills. I practice about 3 or 4 times a week. I don't want to lose those callouses I worked so hard on! I'm also working on my baking, not to the degree that I wanted so I'm going to have to kick that up a notch. I have ideas and plan to jump into some creativity in the next little while. I've been jumping on opportunities as I see them, even if I have no business applying. If want to try something, I put myself out there and see what happens. It's like a lottery, you won't know unless you play. I've been writing and that's hasn't changed. I don't have any direction for it right now but I enjoy it and it helps me work though my thoughts so that's a benefit. I have dissolved most of my photography to my iPhone. Last year, I did all that work cataloguing and listing all the different plants I noticed through spring and summer. I'm not looking to dedicate myself to something like that with pictures this year. Right now, it's just about playing and capturing moments or thoughts. Momentary inspirations. I've been working really hard on myself, personally. I want to give myself a little slack and learn to practice a little more self acceptance. It's been hard but I'm dedicated. I am very aware that I see myself though very critical lenses and that has to stop. Last but not least, I need to figure out a way to help people. More than what I do but actually dedicate an activity to someone or someones. I don't know what I have to offer. I've run personal development courses before with other instructors but I wouldn't know where to start with that. This isn't for money this is me trying to find a way to help something. I think that will come in time but it's something that I have in my head.
This is where life is so far. I think it's right on track and I'm so happy with where things are right now. I have lots of things coming up and lots of things to work on and discover. It's always exciting and it's extra exciting having a strong support system in my relationship.
With that note, I'm going to sign off for the night and watch some bad TV (that's right... somethings shouldn't change) and then read the rest of my book(s). I'm working on two right now. That's actually a pretty decent size. I'm used to reading 4 or 5 books at the same time. Not recommended.
How does your life look so far this year? Is it on track? Has the track changed?
I have two goals left that I always forget to write down. I need to have a dinner party and I want to get over this driving thing. I'd like to achive both of those in the next year. Not a big deal... at all.