Tuesday, August 23, 2011

How to Walk with a Girl Under an Umbrella

Dear Mr. Smith,

How do two people walk under an umbrella without being bonked on the head or poked in the eye?
I have known people to avoid umbrellas altogether for fear of blindness. This phobia has ruined many a potential romantic walk in the rain. Here's the proper technique: The gentleman confidently opens the umbrella and positions himself on the outer (street) side of the sidewalk. This way he protects the lady from the splashing of passing cars. He holds the umbrella in his inside hand (i.e. the hand closest to the lady) in a central position, so that it covers both partners.

He must hold it so high that it never touches the lady's head, even if she is taller than he. This is an unnatural and tiring position, and it is for this reason that the gentleman must brave it. He must not flag; he must not allow the umbrella to descend on her hair. The lady takes the gentleman's (umbrella-holding) arm. See how the umbrella draws them together? When they stop walking and turn to each other, in the damp bubble of black cloth, it is time to kiss.


As a woman who values manners in a man, I am always impressed with one who knows how to handle me. Though independent, I am never expecting when it comes to a mans attentivness. I do however like one who just knows what to do and does it with confidence. Otherwise, I just step up and make sure the pair of us are taken care of.


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