This year, I don't want stuff. I don't want to give stuff. I want the world to feel safe, to feel peace and to feel love. I look at Christmas with all it's dollar value and shiny new plastic smell, I look at it and I want to crawl back into bed and not get out till my birthday. I feel like a Negative Nancy admitting that.
Christmas doesn't have to be about stuff, I look around and I see flash and crowds and unhappy faces. I see drunker stupors and internal expectations causing bouts of temporary depression. And glitter, there is so much glitter. I am sick of glitter.
I want my Christmas to bring joy to those around me. I want people to feel love. I want people to feel safe. I want people to feel satisfied. I can't buy that... I realise that. And if I could, it would only be temporary. I want to give myself to everyone... a little part of me. I am a child at heart. I play, I laugh, I eat cookies for breakfast and feel better because of it. I want to give everyone something that makes things a bit better. That's impossible.
I have to do what I can. Listen to my heart and go with it. I can't change the world, I can't take the pain away... but I can change me. That's as good of a place as any to start.