Yesterday was the funeral, that was a hard day as well. I mean, yesterday we stood around for 10 hours with an open casket repeating things. The constant parade of "I'm sorry for your loss" and "it was so tragic and far too soon" got to be a bit funny after the first few hours. There were so many people, so many kisses, so many handshakes. The sadness always hits me, when other people are feeling it. Seeing the hurt pass through these people breaks my heart.
And then the funeral. I thought I was done with the open casket but I wasn't. It was there again in the morning, and we had to take another procession of sadness as people kissed our cheeks and said how sorry they were. Sitting in silence in our blackest black. There is a small service by the priest and we say farewell to the body one last time. We are shuffled into another room, the women sitting and crying as the men take the coffin away to the hearse.
And then we go to the church where we have a full catholic service. I remember this church from 25 years before, meeting these same wonderful people 25 years earlier under happier circumstances. 25 years before some of the wrinkles, the grey hairs.
There were many more words and many more tears and as we walked out it was done. We were done. Sons took over for driving for mothers and we made way to a place to finally celebrate the life.
There were more drinks and more food. We are a family of eaters. The conversation was light and I think we were all grateful not to have to talk about death anymore. And we didn't for the rest of the night. At least I didn't and the people who I enjoyed being around didn't either. The eating and the drinking carried on when we got home and we watched TV and laughed. By 9 PM I was ready for bed.
I feel out of the loop, I haven't thought about work or anything back at home. I've hardly talked to any friends other then Brian from Vancouver and SL. Reena Bear is in Hawaii right now and we've been chit chatting a little but not much. I exchanged info with some relatives who I plan to stay in contact with. Some impressive men I must say who reminded me what a good man is all about.
My eyes are really puffy, the kids are red and burning. I think I may have come in contact with something I'm allergic too. Not sure what though. Today is my last day so I'll worry about it when I get home.
I think I'll have a shower now, it's 720 AM eastern time. I feel so disconnected with my friends 2 time zones over. It's new years eve, I wonder how tonight will go.