Friday, October 19, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
I have come to understand over the last year how important values are in relationships of all types.Values, quite simply, are about what you believe you fundamentally need in order to live your life authentically and to be happy.
Your values are your own and whatever you’re prioritising in your life and swearing up and down that you need and can’t survive without, will tell you a lot about your mentality and your direction. Little do you realise that you may actually be taking yourself off course and busting your own boundaries in the process.
We have a tendency to do a few things that cause us to wind up in a lot of problems:
1) We get sidetracked by secondary values which are stuff like common interests, appearance and anything that is ‘nice to have’ but doesn’t really tell you a great deal about the person and when all is said and done, it won’t make a difference if primary ‘core’ values are not shared.
2) We make assumptions about what the existence of some values, qualities and characteristics mean and assume that other values that we desire are also present. I hear so many people say that they met someone who looked as they would like or was super intelligent or they had various common interests with, or they go to church / are the same religion and yet they don’t understand why they clash, have entirely different characters, or don’t want similar things. It’s like 2 + 2 + 1 = 100.
3) We ignore the vital feedback communicated from people’s actions and words and in fact tend to be blinded by our own values. “Well I do ______ and _____ and ______ is important to me so why aren’t they doing and being the same?”
Errrr because values are personal.
Your job isn’t to make someone have the same values as you; your job is to respect and live by your own values and find likeminded folk. We also persist in focusing on values that we think are important to us that are being met, yet completely ignore the fact that the problems we are experiencing are not only being caused by other values, but that they are also giving us feedback that communicates that we either don’t understand what’s important to us and are ignoring it to our detriment, or who we say we are and what we want is not true.
You have all sorts of values and together they are the sum of you.1. If you have some critical differences on the personal values front, it does not matter which other values you claim to share, your relationship isn’t going to work. A lot of people prioritise being in a relationship, companionship, getting laid etc, but I’ve yet to come across one person who is genuinely happy doing these things with someone who is for instance, a liar, cheat, abusive, and who doesn’t treat them with love, care, trust, and respect.
You may never have truly given a great deal of thought to what these values are, but they are a mix of personal values (your character and personal code of ethics) along with stuff like economic, religious, sexual, religious, political, social, hobbies and interests, appearance etc. If you want to be happy in or out of a relationship, it’s time to heed your own values.
Personal values represent character and boundaries hence if you’re with someone whose character isn’t similar or at the very least compliments yours, you will bust your own boundaries by deviating greatly from your values while at the same time they will bust yours.You will find that there are many differences that can be overcome when you respect the individuality of others as opposed to trying to make people be a clone of you and/or blaming yourself for why they’re not, however, boundary busting personal values is not one of them. And remember: If you go along with another person’s dodgy values, it is time to have an honest conversation with yourself about your own personal values.... Men who eye up underage girls, or who lie with the ease of drawing breath and yet they were still there. Come.On.Now.
2. Shared values engenders trust hence if you are experiencing trust issues, it’s an alarm alerting you to a difference in core values, likely on the personal values front, that’s behind the area of distrust. There’s either a very crucial difference in how you each conduct yourselves or there’s a very crucial difference in how you want to live or one, or both of you are trying to make the other take on the other person’s values.
Let me say it again – we trust people with whom we share core values. If you also want to understand why you keep getting into similar unhealthy relationships it’s because while you may profess certain values, you ‘trust’ in the feedback from that person possessing certain values that speak to your own pattern. Hence you may feel more trusting of someone who is shady and dodging a relationship, not because you’re truly ‘trusting’ them, but more because you trust that this relationship is ‘safe’, that you can seek validation, and that you can fulfil your self-fulfilling prophecy that speaks to your own beliefs about you, love, and relationships.
3. Look at what keeps coming back up and causing issues in a relationship – no matter what is being said, it tells you a hell of a lot about where there are incompatibilities with your values. This information will either tell you why your relationship isn’t going to work or is at the very least highlighting where you need to be focused. I’ve had so many people share stories (I've shared a lot of my own) about how they were with someone who was so attractive, sexy, shared common interests, kind to animals/children, mentioned back in 1983 that they might want to get married or that they’d like a relationship one day, they made them laugh and yada yada yada. This is all well and good but if this was what was the bread and butter of your relationship, you wouldn’t be experiencing major problems.
All this he said/she said and blowing smoke up people’s bums and pumping them up is a waste of your time because you’re looking at the wrong information. The net result of your relationship, the areas where you’re struggling – this is telling you where you don’t share values or where there’s certainly a miscommunication of them.
4. Be careful of the silent handshake in values. If you stick with someone who doesn’t share core values, they assume that you’re not serious about your own values and that you’re actually now sharing theirs. Of course you may be assuming the same thing. Do not ignore core differences that will take you away from being you and certainly don’t proceed on the assumption that they’re going to abandon their own. Love is not about having the power to change someone.
5. You are not looking for a clone of you. I know many couples who have different values but share core values where it counts. It means that it doesn’t matter what colour they are or religion or size or political party – when it comes down to how they each want to live their lives and how they want to treat one another, they are on the same page. Equally I know a lot of people who value certain things and so even if they had all of this in common, they wouldn’t be with someone who wasn’t the same religion, colour, political party etc. That’s their prerogative – these are their values to live by but never allow someone who is very rigid about these things to be with you (someone who doesn’t embody this value) and then use it as an excuse to mistreat you or not commit.
Moral of the story:
Someone may be great on illusionary paper, but it’s values that show who they are and whether your relationship can happen in reality.
THE END! xxoo
Friday, August 10, 2012
But I'm tired.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Penny's are no longer. Prices have been rounded up and down to the closest five cent. The production of the once copper pieces are now a part of Canadian history.
So what do we do with all those pennies now? Well, you can roll them and cash them in at the bank. Or you can do the following DIY projects I found on line:
A Penny for Your Thoughts
What do you think? I love the idea of a penny flour, I love the warm color of the copper and the durability factor.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
“What becomes of the artists’ models? I am wondering if many of my readers have not stood before a masterpiece of lovely sculpture or a remarkable painting of a young girl, her very abandonment of draperies accentuating rather than diminishing her modesty and purity, and asked themselves the question, ‘Where is she now, this model who was so beautiful?’”
Monday, June 18, 2012
When you want advice on being famous for no reason, you ask a Kardashian. When you want advice on surviving the running of the bulls, you ask a Hemingway. Here is John (Ernest’s grandson, author of the family memoir Strange Tribe, two-time runner of the bulls) for a few pointers in advance of next month’s run.
The whole week’s a nonstop party. “You meet friends, you make friends, if they don’t show up, you meet someone else,” he says. “People always ask, ‘How many hours of sleep did you get last night?’ ‘Oh, three. That’s not bad.’”
Well, except the running itself. “If you partied all night, you better be able to wake up and be in some sort of condition to run.”
There are a few simple rules: “You have to be 18. Don’t touch the bull. You can’t be drunk. And if you get knocked down, stay down.”
Leave the running shoes at home. “I just wear Converse.”
It’s over before you know it. “It’s two and a half, three minutes at the max.”
“Whether you’re a good runner or a bad runner, you could have bad luck. But that’s like crossing the street in NYC—you [could] get hit by a car.”
The people are more dangerous than the bulls. “You’ll get knocked down. You’re gonna get scraped, you may break a bone. It gets kind of crazy, with everyone pushing and everything.”
Beware of a bull separated from the herd. “If a bull becomes separated from the herd, it immediately stakes out a territory—anything within striking distance of its horns, he goes for. If he’s got you there, he will keep coming until he kills you.”
His grandfather ran. Or maybe he didn’t. “I see no proof that he did run, but there’s no proof that he didn’t. People have said forever that he used to run—that he ran like mad.”
Thursday, June 14, 2012
I want to get married in a barn. I have a barn... it's more open then this but I might be able to fix that. Or it might be nice. Lay down some proper boards. Make sure there are lots of mini lights and there you have it, there's your wedding.
There is a little church near that barn of mine that I have always wanted to wed in or to make it even more efficient... just say the vows right at the reception.
Now, back to deciding on my perfect man for the job. So many to pick from...
picture borrowed from here
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
before the movie, was of course the previews for up and coming films. Two more films I am interested in watching
The Words with Bradly Cooper:
and then this:
Hyde Park on Hudson Official with Bill Murray
Sunday, June 10, 2012
before she passed away. They weren't things that were kept in a box or
a book, her recipes were things that were kept in her head. She was a
talented cook who would whip up things in a blinking an eye, I'm not
really sure how she did it. Full feasts for groups of 22, all done by
her. I was too young to help and maybe even too young to watch but I
remember the kitchen always being clean, her house always smelling
nice and there always being something good to eat.
So when I knew her time was coming, it was important to me to try and
capture at least a portion of her legacy. I say there one night next
to her bed, pen in hand as we talked about memories and she told me
her food stories of how she created things.
She had these oatmeal cookies that were chewy and sweet and perfect.
They never went stale in the cupboard and were perfectly yum. As I
look at the recipe now, thinking about making it, I notice her
A dash of this a handful of that. A "sparkle of oil" in the pan and
place it all in a "not too hot" oven until they are lightly brown.
She is leaving it up to me to make it mine. They will never taste like
her cookies but between my idea of a "not too hot" oven and how much I
believe a handful of raisins are... These cookies will taste like
mine. And only mine.
Thinking about you grandma, though I didn't know you that long, you
still taught me a lot. xxoo
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Picture borrowed from Jo's site as well.
Monday, May 14, 2012
and I will keep playing.
(whoa, this is a rusty post. I haven't written in a very long time)
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
As I pulled into my parking lot today for the 8th time I realized that I feel more relaxed when I have a busy weekend of things I enjoy then a weekend of slow movements and thoughts. Yesterday, I spent most of the day watching movies from under a blanket. I ate about a dozen pancakes and a handful of jelly beans. I was irritable because I hadn't accomplished anything. The most I had done all day was rush home, have a bath, get changed and then rush back to my spot in the coach.
Today, I was up... I was active. I had people to see, things to do and I did almost all of it.
And I feel good. I am tired and satisfied.
This morning I watched The Office, and and Erin are together now. He went and picked her up and drove right back to Scranton, NJ. On the way home they stopped to break-up with his current girlfriend. The story was when he did, he did it in a cowards way-- he lied, didn't admit his true feelings for Erin and just made things happen in the easiest way possible.
The cowards way. It was wrong and as they drove away, Erin was deflated and Andy appeared weak. He turned around, Went back to his ex-girlfriend and proclaimed the truth. He was actually in love with Erin! It indeed make matters worse but in the end, he fought for Erin. He was proud of her and was willing to sing it from the mountains.
And I cried.
This isn't real, it really can't ever be. But it's fun to get caught up in it all.
My eyes are getting heavy, the curtains in my bedroom are open just enough that I can look at the lights from the Calgary tower.
It's the same every night and sometimes I pretend that I'm looking out my window at The Eiffel Tower though they don't look alike at all. I just like to pretend. And that's OK because it gives me sweet dreams.
And on that note, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow is Monday and it's the start of another busy week.
I have one beautiful remark before I go to sleep.... I am in new birth control to help with my crazy PMS time. This is the weekend that I get hit with the saddest sadness, the most anxious anxiety, and the craziest of thoughts-- this weekend I wasn't. I was normal. I was grounded. I felt like how I do all the rest of the time. It's amazing and I can't believe how good I feel! I just had to report that.