Monday, January 30, 2012

Meatball Craving

I went to Jersey at the end of December and was introduced to a whole new version of Italian. It was amazing. And for the first time in my life, I had meatballs and it changed my life.

I can't stop thinking about them. I want meatballs all the time. I just had them on Monday of last week and that didn't fix a thing. I want more. I want meatballs all the time. I also want Risotto balls from Borgo.

I came across this today:

Angie’s Meatballs
Yield: 12 Meatballs
Tomato Pasta Sauce
4 oz ground beef
4 oz ground pork
1/4  cup Italian breadcrumbs
1/4 cup parmesan cheese
2.5 tbsp minced onion
2 tbsp milk
1 egg
1 clove minced garlic
1/4 tsp ground black pepper

Heat sauce over medium-high heat.
Combine beef, pork, breadcrumbs, cheese, onion, milk, egg, garlic and pepper. Shape into 12, 1-inch meatballs. Cook in skillet over medium heat until brown on all sides. Move to oven and cook at 350 degrees for 10 minutes until cooked throughout. Serve over pasta with a generous portion of Pasta Sauce (or as my relatives call it-- gravy).


some one help me please... this is out of control.

Remember the Light

Sometimes finding the light switch is the hardest part, epically in the dark. But keep trying, keep feeling around. In time you will find it as long as you keep looking.

Friends will try to help you, but often they don't always know where it is either. But they will help you look. If they are good friends.

and if you want the help.


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

This Much

How cute is this card idea?? Very cute and SUPER easy!

Turn Me Off

There are simple little things a man can do when I am first getting to know him that will turn me off. Though, most of these are not deal breakers... they are however strikes against the boy. 

1) texting on a first date or any date:
This stands for friends, lovers, mothers, fathers and boyfriends. You are with me, and I am with you. Don't text. It can wait. If it can't wait, just excuse yourself. "Excuse me, I need to just touch base with so and so.." or "Oh, bla-bla-bla just texted me... I'm just going to see if everything is OK and let them know that I'll talk to them later." AND further more... turn that text message notification off. Please. Thanks. xxoo

2) artful text messaging:
While we are on the subject of text messaging, I have to also say... I judge you if you write in short hand. Anyone who writes to me with "ur" instead of "your/you're/etc" or even the an "lol"... I judge you. Most of you. 95% of all written communication should be done properly. It looks gross and sloppy if you can't use basic English and punctuation in your messages. I'm in my 30's and anyone else in or around my age should write well. I'm not a perfect writer, by any means... but I try my best to be articulate. Maybe I'm a bit of a prep but it looks bad if you can't write. and even worse if you choose not to write properly. Also... don't leave a girl hanging. Let her know you are busy if you can't text back within 12 hours. ALSO-- you can call me too. I am timid to call when first getting to know a person so I'll text to make sure it's OK for me to call before I call.

3) talking about past relationships:
It's important to know what a persons past is. But you don't need to dump it on your date within in the first few hours of meeting them.  Ease into it. Ideally... I like to move slowly when it comes to opening up, like a blossom. I will start dropping some of my secrets after the 3rd date, if things are going well. I have had a past as many healthy people have when they hit their 30's. I have good things and not so good things... I have learnt a lot and I like to share. But in time... but not too long. I should know the bases of who you are and what you've been through within the first 3 or 4 months of being together. And you should know the same.

4) manners:
I like a man who treats me like a lady. Wait for me to get in the door when you drop me off (this is almost a deal breaker for me), make sure you take me to my door-- don't just leave me as you jump into a cab after the date is done and expect me to want to go out with you again, help me with my coat, don't ask-- just do. Be confident in your manhood. I am a soft but strong woman. I will pay but I like it when a man won't let me. I'll carry my bags but I've always been impressed when the man I'm with just takes them. I won't fight you on it... I just never think to expect that someone else will look after me. But when they do, I like it. I in turn will look after you as well. It's just nice to be treated like a woman just as you like to be treated like a man. I shouldn't have to say this either but Please, Thank You, You're Welcome are all things that should be a given. Also, let me take your arm when we walk. I like to feel close to you.

5) don't get drunk:
on our first date, I don't want to see you sloppy with your alcohol. 2 glasses of wine TOPS if we are out for dinner. No shots. Unless I've known you well before our first date... then these rules relax a little. And smoking is gross.

That's about it... I think. When I go out with a boy, the first date I look for the following:

What does he do when the bill comes.
(I will always offer to pay on a first date and plan to pay but really.. I don't want to be taken up on it)

What does he do after the bill is paid and we leave.
(does he help me with my coat, does he hold the door)

Does he take me to door and then wait for me to get in.

and that's about it. You may think it's silly and old fashion but what I'm looking for is a guy who is thinking of me. There are other things that can be done to express this "thinking of you" vibe. I obviously don't want to date a guy who is purely invested in themselves and their experience. I am not one of those kinds of people so why would I want to date one?

What about you? Do you have little tricks or things that you look for? Turn offs and turn ons? This is all part of formal dating... sometimes when I meet someone just out of the blue, none of this stuff matters... but it doesn't hurt to look for it. Right?

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Fall In Love Again

This summer, I fell in love again. With myself.

I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about how I courted myself during my pensive days of summer. Monday was date night, the rest of the nights were devoted to others. I couldn't remember what I had called it... Mono-Monday's? My Monday? ... errrr... I couldn't remember.

and then I saw it..

Onesie Monday and I found this post. I remember that day. It was a good day. Since then, I don't have a second though about doing anything on my own. Expect maybe travel. People seem to be telling me to be careful.

An old friend said this to me:

"I love your hunger for life but agree with your mom. No big time travels for you on your own! You're too little on the outside even if you're big on the inside..."

and I wrinkled up my nose like a 5 year old in stubborn rebellion.
We'll see.. I can do it. I make up my own rules (no offence JS, if you read this!).
I didn't mean to get into this. I just wanted to remind myself of that post about Onesie Monday and how much fun I had courting myself in the summer. it's like the final part of that relationship should be a romantic vacation for onesie. Oui?

The World As Seen By Einstein

I am searching for a place to start. In doing so, I came across an essay I read many many years ago penned by Einstein.

It really has nothing to do with what I was searching for but that's OK.. I still wanted to share it with you.

Happy Day!


Last night over spaghetti and meat balls, I talked about travel . I can talk about life, love, travel and food till the cows come how and dinner is ready to be cleared. I feel rather sad for Mr.SL who just had to listen. I decided yesterday that I need to take a trip on my own. I have decided this a few times and I kind of toy with the idea in my mind but really.. it feels like my life if just waiting for me to do this.

I need this.

I am looking for my sign, on where to go. My heart keeps saying Italy and my mum keeps saying no. It's not safe. I think it is. It is, isn't it? For a solo woman to travel...? It's safe? Right?

I want a place where there are no safety nets. I want a place that is going to challenge me but not completely freak me out. I just want to go. I want to go, experience and come back. This has to be done. I just need to buy a ticket and go.

There is far to much in this world to see, I need to start chipping away at it now. I can't wait for people... I can't wait for anyone. I have the means now to do it. I need to do something.

Then I saw this post on my favorite blog:

Italy Tips and I wonder if this is my sign?

I'm not sure what kind of questions I need to ask myself. Maybe I have to ask myself "what it is that I want to see?" "What is it that I want to experience?"...

Where do you think a good place would be for a solo female traveler to go?

Strawberry Jam Came Home

last night I brought my baby home. I call her Strawberry Jam. She's an Art & Lutherie and she's a spruce Burgundy with built in electronics. I didn't buy her myself. She's a collection of effort and love from some of the most important people in my life.

My parents, my sister, two of my BFF's Laura and Reena and Mr. SL.

This guitar makes my heart sing, just like they do. What could be more special then that?

It's been a year long trek. A year of woes, joys and other such adventures. I always turned back to my guitar though and so it was time to buy one for real. She's big, but I can handle her. She's rich and soulful.

She's a ginger too.

Welcome to the family, Strawberry Jam-- big red.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Waking Up

Today I woke up at 5 a.m.

It's just what I do in the winter. I wake up and lay in bed until something opens, something happens or daylight breaks. Usually if I'm bed alone I play games or try to nap, if I'm lucky I might fall back asleep. That's if I'm lucky or really tired... Usually by that point though my mind has started humming and there isn't any way to turn it off.

I often look at my window. The curtains are drawn and only a crack of downtown light shines through and I am thankful I bought those blackout curtains. I am often reminded of one Saturday in June when I looked at my window, completely intertwined in missing heartbreak. I've almost forgotten what that felt like in my body, I just knew it was awful.

I also remember one Sunday in July when I woke-up and just wanted to run. So I did. And I ran almost everyday till my body had enough. That was a good day.

My iPhone is an amazing thing. I love it. It makes staying in bed that much easier because I can do so much from it. I watch a lot of YouTube. One of my favorite things is sharing that with someone else. Memories of Saturday Morning cartoons are instantly brought foreground. Old songs, funny videos... I love it.


Dawn has broke and the grocery store is now open. I suppose I should get out of bed now and get my day started.

Have a lovely morning.

Posts from my phone

Friday, January 20, 2012


photo borrowed from here

My blog is a place I put my head. I put the words, thoughts, ideas and feelings that swim around in my mind. I put them all to see. Granted it's maybe about 15% of what actually goes through my head and then lots of stuff I like and want, but it's me. In a nut shell.

This blog has no really theme or rhythm other then it being about me. Or from me.

I suppose if you are a religious reader you might know me a bit better by the flow of things. You can tell when I'm happy or when I'm sad, when I'm distracted or angry. You can tell when something is bothering me and when it's not. You might be able to tell when I've had my heart broken or when I'm in the flowering stages of love or when I'm in the process of shifting my reality. You may know the challenges I have seen and watched me over come them, you may have also watched me make massive mistakes and shook your head when you finally saw the post where I suddenly get it.

Or you may just read through, hoping I'll write something of substance.

It's just me talking to myself... that's really all this is. I don't share it all, and that I do share is sometimes written on code but I like it. It's therapeutic.. it's like journaling. For me.

When I am bored, I love to sift through my posts. I enjoy reading what I was doing on this day last year. Last year, on this day I was in love with my grapefruit knife. What you also don't really know is my life was at that pivotal point of change. Where I was getting ready to let go of something that wasn't working for me and about to meet and jump into the arms of something that would. For a few months at least.

I look back to who that woman was last year and I want to hug her and tell her that she will get strong and she will be proud of herself. I also want to tell her to be a little more fearless... that people you think you might chase away are going to go away regardless of who you are. And the ones that are meant to be around, will stick around. It's nothing personal, really.

and also, try not to worry about Folk Fest... that will blow over. Hopefully. I'm still kind of waiting for that to blow over. Sometimes you just want someone to like you so much because they mean so much to someone in your life but they just don't like you... and the more you try the more you think you are misunderstood and the worse you make it.

Accept that you can't make everyone happy but the people you can't make happy may make other people happy who in turn make you happy. It will work out, it will... it has too... things always do.

and be thankful for the people in your life that do get you... be thankful for your fiend with boundaries, ZT. He was the saving grace that weekend.. WOOOOHOOOO Unicorn Man!!

anyway, it's the end of the day and I've been eating too much sugar and I had a little caffeine so... a glass of wine is in order.

I'm in some kind of weird emotional limbo that is best not to bestow onto anyone... expect those I really love. Haha...

have a lovely weekend... you are loved.


At Last

That's where it begins and ends for me and these songs were the ones that touched me the deepest. It was like I was laying hold of some part of me that I didn't even know was there until I let it out.
- Etta James
January 25, 1938 – January 20, 2012


At Last--
it's time for you to rest that beautiful, soulful voice.

Thank you for singing the blues when I wasn't able to find the words.



What is it about the missing that makes you wonder, that makes you think. That changes the way things look taste and feel.

What is it about the missing that pulls on my heart, makes me aware of my soul and also causes tingling in my hands.

What is it about the missing that makes cities of millions seem lonesome and empty.

What is it about the missing that makes it feel like years when I only just saw the person the other day?

Is this normal? Is this healthy? I always have trouble knowing what to do with myself when I have to deal with this feeling.

It's not just reserved for lovers either but it's reserved for those who I hold so close to my heart. I ask myself if I have a dependency on the person. I don't, I just like being around them. I can be without but why when I don't need to be.

Missing... it's like a bitter sweet long song that I can't get out of my head. It makes me so happy because of it's beauty but it's so sad because I can't satisfy my craving.

Found a place where I can be
All the things I want you to see
Take my hand into your hands
'Cause I come to you from another land

And I don't need to know your favourite artist's name
And I don't need to know what woman's felt the same
And I don't need to see you every single day
But I'd like to

Break my heart back into place
'Cause I've come to understand you more lately
And I've found a man inside your chest
Some will tear him up and I'll lay him some rest

And I don't need to know the details of your past
And I don't need to know when you thought of me last
And I would have to say if I'm the sail then you're the mast
And we've caught a good wind, the mast

Because you know me more than any before
'Cause you found the clues between me and you

The Mast-- Feist

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Egg-stra Special Messages

How fantastic is this little idea?

I have images of hollowed out eggs with special little messages dancing through my head.

This also reminded me of this post from Oh Happy Day! that I ADORE! Favorite creative blog EVER!

 to properly blow out an egg you need two holes. try to break the yolk with a toothpick and then put your lips of the top of the egg and blow. You should remove most of the gunk from the inside. Rinse, dry and then use.

Three Simple Things

Grow with me.
Respect me.
love me.

that is all I ask.


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Strawberry Jam

I'm almost ready to take her home. I picked her out tonight, she's deep strawberry like me.

At first I called her Butter Chicken because she is rich and buttery. But then I realized that Strawberry Jam is a much better name for her.

She's smooth on my fingers, she hums so beautifully. I am reminded of Tabatha, a stringy woman who I spent a fair bit of time with at the start of last year.

I love her so much, I can't wait to bring her home!


I entered a contest and could only write a short little thing about why I deserved to go to Australia. I wrote from my heart, I wrote with passion. I only had 250 characters to use (not sure if that included spaces)

so I wrote this:

Take me away to Australia! Adventure is pulsing through my veins. I want to smell the rainforest, I want to taste the food, I want to see the Great Barrier Reef, I want to learn-- I want to experience it all!
I want to feel Australia in my heart.

It's my best and it came from my heart. Wish me luck, I'd love to go to OZ!!

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Calm

It's the day after my birthday, or rather... the day after the day after my birthday. I feel pretty good about that. Apparently it is also Blue Monday but I'm never effected by it. I had more of a Blue December... frig. That was an uncomfortable month for me. I'm glad that it's all over for another year.

Now, it's time to focus on my BFF's wedding. She is getting married February 2nd 2012, that's soon. Very soon.

I was listening to the radio this morning as I was getting ready, they were talking about marriage and divorce. I am scared of divorce, I never want to have one. Ever. I can have these relationships and screw-up and choose the wrong people or be the wrong person and all of it doesn't matter as much as if I had married any of those boys from my past. Yes, hearts get broken, but... those will mend. Mine has mended many times. I know better now what works for me and just what I am capable of. That's experience that I can't buy. I can't read about. It's learned.

It's nice not to have the pressure now of Christmas, New Years and my birthday. Chrismas was the worst, for the first time i looked at it with sober eyes. I was taken back by the amount of expectations, pressure, anxiety and money. It disgusted me... I've never really been that bitter over something so "joyous"

and Winter has finally come. It's bitter cold outside but we've made it most of the winter with decent weather. I'm not complaining, just marveling at how long it took for things to get cold.

Life feels good right now. Calm. Easy. I like that. Happy Blue Monday everyone!!


How to be Interesting

I wrote a post a few years ago when I started to realise that it was more important to be interesting then to be pretty. That the value of the relationships that revolved around being interesting and involved were much more satisfying then those that revolved around being attractive.

I am now officially 32 years old. I am pretty comfortable in my skin and more importantly, I am excited for life. I have a few armfuls of experience under my belt and I feel like I'm just getting started. I don't watch TV at all anymore, I"m not really sure why I did before. I don't even really watch movies.

I cook. I play guitar. I create. I go on adventures and I spend time with friends. I also think, I spent time thinking and figuring.

I came across this article from Forbes about How To Be More Interesting, I think it's great. What do you think?

My mission statement this year is Adventure and Fearlessness. At least it is for now, so lets get her done and become a little more interesting.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Revisiting Truths

It was 6:00AM when I got the call that prompted me to write this post a few days later. Since then, life has changed faster then the tides. Nothing looks how it once did, nothing feels like it once did and I am grateful for the freedom from my ruts.

Yes, some of the growth has been awkward as the boundaries have been challenged. Getting to know newness that is disguised as familiar is never an easy task. But i am still grateful. As we result, I have indeed been on my own path of self discovery. I have stopped and questioned my intentions. I have re-evaluated my relationships. I have asked myself what is important and what isn't.

and I have answered many of these questions.

I plan to do more great things with this next year of my life. I have a list I haven't posted yet about what my intentions are. It feels small to me but a friend of mine said it was many things. We will see.

Cheers to great things!

Food Blogs

When the pressure of work gets a little lighter, I look at food blogs. I do.. I sit here and I drool and dream about all the wonderful things I could create and eat.

Today, I am looking at this:
Smitten Kitchen

I came across it when I googled "Best Birthday Cake" and one of their cakes came up. It looks pretty but I already like my cake that looks like that. I don't even want to worry about what it might taste like because mine just happens to taste damn good too.

I'm not in the mood for experimenting with cake recipes.

My birthday is this weekend, Saturday to be exact. I'm having about 15 of my closet friends out for karaoke and I think it's going to be a blast. I've rented a room at a Korean bar and everyone knows to expect the maturity level of an 8 year old and a noise level of an AK-47. I'm trying to decide if I want to make a cake and bring it down.

Tomorrow is going to be fun, I know it. Today... today is fake birthday at work. That's the end!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Don't Call

Don't try and call me at work today because I won't answer. I'll be on the phone. Lots. And you can blame Hall and Oats for that!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

What Not To Say in Parliament

A friend of mine is in our nations capital right now and that reminded me of this particular article about what NOT to say in Parliament. And why the PM's can get away with. It makes me laugh inside.

Enjoy you talking twaddle, you.

DIY Clothes Pillows

It's the new year (in case you forgot) and I am pretty sure you have been doing some kind of changing. Maybe you've been cleaning out the fridge? Emptying out the garbage in the bathroom? Going through your closet and getting rid of everything that you wore in high school but couldn't bring yourself to toss?

Well, if you are doing that STOP RIGHT NOW. Don't toss! You can make pillows!

It's THIS easy! Fact! so don't toss that old bridesmaid dress, make it into a trendy cushion and put your seat on it!

I like the concert tee's being used in the photo above.

Nice Nose

I'm wearing too much fragrance today. I usually just put a little on, it's true. But I spilt.. and now I can smell it and you know when you can smell it, it's bad.

I know people have fragrance sensitivity so I try to keep it just minimal. Like I'll just wear a lotion so it's subtle and only those who come close enough to kiss me can really smell it.

But not today. Nope. The good news is I am close friends with the woman who works closet to me who is fragrance sensitive so I can tell her I"m sorry for being so stinky. I ask her ALL the time if what I wear bothers her and even if she can smell me. She says no. She's been saying no for 3 years... but today, it might be different.

To all of those with sensitive noses, I am sorry.

Friday, January 6, 2012

New Addition on my Bucket List

I need to see the penthouse suite at the Fairmont in San Francisco. I must. I need. I have too. HAVE TOO. It's stunning, completly stunning.

Just look at the ceiling in one of the pictures I found in my blog list:

I want to get married there. Have my reception and funeral there. Basically... I want to live there. I'm sure it's a million dollars and I'm OK with that as long as I get to spend 48 hours in the room and have it been mine for the time.

I have officially added it to my bucket list along with Bali, Antartica, Cambodia and India.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Hot Dogs

I just got home from the gym, I don't see my personal trainer till next week. I'm hungry and lazy, I don't feel like going to the store. I have been away for the last little while and I really have nothing to eat. Except hot dogs. I bought them when I did all that Christmas baking the week before Christmas. Do you think...? Could they still be...? Should I ...?

The best before date is January 24th and it's January 5th.

Kinda scared, I have to admit it. But really... I don't have much of a reason. Hot Dogs in general are scary so the fact that they have been sitting in the fridge for two weeks and there is still a lot of time before the go rotten date...

They should be OK.

Maybe I should just eat one because I am putting far too much thought into this.

OK, I'm gonna have one!!! Eeek!!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


I cry a lot. It's just a fact. I went through a time in my life when I didn't cry at all. I would watch things of beauty and I could feel the pull on my tear ducts and I would crinkle my nose and hold back the tears. I saw that same face on Emma Stone when she had a little emotional break down in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love. It looks funny but it works. Then I stopped being that way, I would get weepy over beautiful music, touching moments or times of accomplishment. For the longest time I was never sad, I cried more often over happiness then over sadness. And then that changed. I expressed it all and I expressed it a lot. Last year was a year of tears. I cried because I was mad, I cried because I was sad, I cried because other people were crying and I cried because I was happy. I did a lot of crying. Sometimes thing would hit me when I was out walking around, I would feel lonely or witness two lovers appreciating each other. One time I was sitting in line at folk fest, the opening night. I was so excited to be there, in the summer sun, that I started to cry. In public, behind my sunglasses. That was exactly where I wanted to be and even though I was alone, I was delighted. Delighted at the possibilities and the potential of moments. The joy in my heart was overwhelming. I felt a little unstable but I really can't help it. I am a crier now. Maybe, one day, it will change but for now I cry. SL gave me a canvas of a photo he took. I was touched so much by the simple act of his thoughtfulness that I cried. I held my heart, said my few words and cried.

I read this article today and it reminded me of me and that I would be a public crier if I lived in New York. Part of it being that I didn't get a car until a few months ago, I have done a lot of crying in that car already.

They mention movement and I can relate. Walking fast is a great way to be. I only saunter when I am with other people. I remember years ago writing a blog post that simply stated

"I walk just fast enough to ensure that I stay one step ahead of my tears"

it's the truth. This was during my nose crinkling days.

Do you cry? What makes you cry? Do you cry in public or in a quiet place away from everything.

Sunday, January 1, 2012


Let's make some soup because the weather is turning. Let's stir it together till we are both gray and old. Let's stir it together till it tells us stories of its own.

We'll make enough to feed everyone we know. No one is different, everyone feels alone. Let's make some soup because the weather is turning cold.

Lets make some soup because everyone feels the cold.


I'm sitting in Newark NJ with an empty heart, I'm going to miss my
family. I'm going to miss waking up to a kitchen full of Jersey
accents and the smell of coffee. I'm going to miss those family
dinner, hours sitting at the table talking. I'm going to miss
everyone. Yesterday we had a day of non-funeral related activities.
Even though we were so tired it was just nice to be together. We
walked around the Princeton campus, had a few drinks at done of the
pubs in the area. Talked about nostalgic moments from the past.

There were 11 of us in one house, there was only one main bathroom
aside from the master bedroom. We made it work, there was always
someone to talk too, always someone to be with. The warmth from
everyone was touching. I really do miss them. I didn't start thinking
about work till this morning.

My cousin Susan and her husband Fred have 3 wonderful children. I was
inspired by their parenting and both the devotion to their family and
to each other. Fred often looked over to Susan with warm eyes as she
went through some of the hardest moment of the week. He was looking
after her, she was a strong woman herself, always putting someone else
in front of herself. She didn't have to ask, he just knew. The
exchange of support between the children and the parents was touching.

I want to talk about the other people in my family but I'm really
tired. I'm going to have a little sleep here before I have to board my