Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Crying



I cry a lot. It's just a fact. I went through a time in my life when I didn't cry at all. I would watch things of beauty and I could feel the pull on my tear ducts and I would crinkle my nose and hold back the tears. I saw that same face on Emma Stone when she had a little emotional break down in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love. It looks funny but it works. Then I stopped being that way, I would get weepy over beautiful music, touching moments or times of accomplishment. For the longest time I was never sad, I cried more often over happiness then over sadness. And then that changed. I expressed it all and I expressed it a lot. Last year was a year of tears. I cried because I was mad, I cried because I was sad, I cried because other people were crying and I cried because I was happy. I did a lot of crying. Sometimes thing would hit me when I was out walking around, I would feel lonely or witness two lovers appreciating each other. One time I was sitting in line at folk fest, the opening night. I was so excited to be there, in the summer sun, that I started to cry. In public, behind my sunglasses. That was exactly where I wanted to be and even though I was alone, I was delighted. Delighted at the possibilities and the potential of moments. The joy in my heart was overwhelming. I felt a little unstable but I really can't help it. I am a crier now. Maybe, one day, it will change but for now I cry. SL gave me a canvas of a photo he took. I was touched so much by the simple act of his thoughtfulness that I cried. I held my heart, said my few words and cried.

I read this article today and it reminded me of me and that I would be a public crier if I lived in New York. Part of it being that I didn't get a car until a few months ago, I have done a lot of crying in that car already.

They mention movement and I can relate. Walking fast is a great way to be. I only saunter when I am with other people. I remember years ago writing a blog post that simply stated

"I walk just fast enough to ensure that I stay one step ahead of my tears"

it's the truth. This was during my nose crinkling days.

Do you cry? What makes you cry? Do you cry in public or in a quiet place away from everything.

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