Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Turn Me Off

There are simple little things a man can do when I am first getting to know him that will turn me off. Though, most of these are not deal breakers... they are however strikes against the boy. 

1) texting on a first date or any date:
This stands for friends, lovers, mothers, fathers and boyfriends. You are with me, and I am with you. Don't text. It can wait. If it can't wait, just excuse yourself. "Excuse me, I need to just touch base with so and so.." or "Oh, bla-bla-bla just texted me... I'm just going to see if everything is OK and let them know that I'll talk to them later." AND further more... turn that text message notification off. Please. Thanks. xxoo

2) artful text messaging:
While we are on the subject of text messaging, I have to also say... I judge you if you write in short hand. Anyone who writes to me with "ur" instead of "your/you're/etc" or even the an "lol"... I judge you. Most of you. 95% of all written communication should be done properly. It looks gross and sloppy if you can't use basic English and punctuation in your messages. I'm in my 30's and anyone else in or around my age should write well. I'm not a perfect writer, by any means... but I try my best to be articulate. Maybe I'm a bit of a prep but it looks bad if you can't write. and even worse if you choose not to write properly. Also... don't leave a girl hanging. Let her know you are busy if you can't text back within 12 hours. ALSO-- you can call me too. I am timid to call when first getting to know a person so I'll text to make sure it's OK for me to call before I call.

3) talking about past relationships:
It's important to know what a persons past is. But you don't need to dump it on your date within in the first few hours of meeting them.  Ease into it. Ideally... I like to move slowly when it comes to opening up, like a blossom. I will start dropping some of my secrets after the 3rd date, if things are going well. I have had a past as many healthy people have when they hit their 30's. I have good things and not so good things... I have learnt a lot and I like to share. But in time... but not too long. I should know the bases of who you are and what you've been through within the first 3 or 4 months of being together. And you should know the same.

4) manners:
I like a man who treats me like a lady. Wait for me to get in the door when you drop me off (this is almost a deal breaker for me), make sure you take me to my door-- don't just leave me as you jump into a cab after the date is done and expect me to want to go out with you again, help me with my coat, don't ask-- just do. Be confident in your manhood. I am a soft but strong woman. I will pay but I like it when a man won't let me. I'll carry my bags but I've always been impressed when the man I'm with just takes them. I won't fight you on it... I just never think to expect that someone else will look after me. But when they do, I like it. I in turn will look after you as well. It's just nice to be treated like a woman just as you like to be treated like a man. I shouldn't have to say this either but Please, Thank You, You're Welcome are all things that should be a given. Also, let me take your arm when we walk. I like to feel close to you.

5) don't get drunk:
on our first date, I don't want to see you sloppy with your alcohol. 2 glasses of wine TOPS if we are out for dinner. No shots. Unless I've known you well before our first date... then these rules relax a little. And smoking is gross.

That's about it... I think. When I go out with a boy, the first date I look for the following:

What does he do when the bill comes.
(I will always offer to pay on a first date and plan to pay but really.. I don't want to be taken up on it)

What does he do after the bill is paid and we leave.
(does he help me with my coat, does he hold the door)

Does he take me to door and then wait for me to get in.

and that's about it. You may think it's silly and old fashion but what I'm looking for is a guy who is thinking of me. There are other things that can be done to express this "thinking of you" vibe. I obviously don't want to date a guy who is purely invested in themselves and their experience. I am not one of those kinds of people so why would I want to date one?

What about you? Do you have little tricks or things that you look for? Turn offs and turn ons? This is all part of formal dating... sometimes when I meet someone just out of the blue, none of this stuff matters... but it doesn't hurt to look for it. Right?

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