When I turned 30 I felt like my life was over. It's true and silly. If you have been a patient reader of mine for the last few years, you know at least a little.
I came to realise though that I had put too much value in my looks, and not to say that I am/was any type of a looker, but I do/did get attention and feedback that brought me to the understanding that there was something to fuss about. At least for a short while. I think I still pretty much look the same, maybe better. I have heard that as a woman, we reach the peak of our physical beauty at 38... I disagree and reading this blog post from Privilege has validated that for me. Again.
To me, it's not about what you look like, it's about what you are, inside. As a woman, as a human, as partner, etc. Being that I had put value on my looks and my body, when I started to see that slip away from me in the hours I spent obsessing in the mirror over this line or that, I started to let myself slip in away. I started to loose sight of myself and I had no idea what my values were or what I wanted or even really, who I was.
But I know better now. I am SO much stronger then I once was and I have so many more rewards in my life as a result. I understand now what it is to be me. And I am usually happy with that. I really just wanted to bring a little attention for myself, yet another post about growing older and growing up. One of the BFF's is going through the mental game of turning 30 this year and I see the same anxieties that hit me, hitting her. I just keep telling her that she will come out the otherside a whole new woman with a whole new sense of fearlessness. And she beleives me. One of my blogging friends said to me in one of my posts about turning 30 a few years ago, she said "Happy Birthday Blanche! These days one's thirties are when the biggest changes occur. Cool - I envy you." and just hearing that changed everything for me. I'm sure she has no idea how much that flipped my perspective around, but it did. She really is a Clever Pup. *wink
I'm settled now and hardly worry about what it is that I look like. I pay attention to things but it's not the main motivation in my life. My main motivation now is just living, challanging and enjoying.. the rest will come. And I must appreciate each day, which I do.
(sorry, the spell check isn't working on this post... I'm not going to worry about it past this point. Even if I do use it I'm sure my spelling isn't all that great either.)