Sunday, April 15, 2012

Sunday Night Thoughts

It's just after 11PM and I am laying in my bed. The sheets are clean and the bed is made. I still have my socks on but that's OK, I'm not really in bed... I'm just on the bed. My lower back is moaning with relief; it can finally relax. It's been a busy day.

As I pulled into my parking lot today for the 8th time I realized that I feel more relaxed when I have a busy weekend of things I enjoy then a weekend of slow movements and thoughts. Yesterday, I spent most of the day watching movies from under a blanket. I ate about a dozen pancakes and a handful of jelly beans. I was irritable because I hadn't accomplished anything. The most I had done all day was rush home, have a bath, get changed and then rush back to my spot in the coach.

Today, I was up... I was active. I had people to see, things to do and I did almost all of it.

And I feel good. I am tired and satisfied.

This morning I watched The Office, and and Erin are together now. He went and picked her up and drove right back to Scranton, NJ. On the way home they stopped to break-up with his current girlfriend. The story was when he did, he did it in a cowards way-- he lied, didn't admit his true feelings for Erin and just made things happen in the easiest way possible.

The cowards way. It was wrong and as they drove away, Erin was deflated and Andy appeared weak. He turned around, Went back to his ex-girlfriend and proclaimed the truth. He was actually in love with Erin! It indeed make matters worse but in the end, he fought for Erin. He was proud of her and was willing to sing it from the mountains.

And I cried.

This isn't real, it really can't ever be. But it's fun to get caught up in it all.

My eyes are getting heavy, the curtains in my bedroom are open just enough that I can look at the lights from the Calgary tower.

It's the same every night and sometimes I pretend that I'm looking out my window at The Eiffel Tower though they don't look alike at all. I just like to pretend. And that's OK because it gives me sweet dreams.

And on that note, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow is Monday and it's the start of another busy week.

I have one beautiful remark before I go to sleep.... I am in new birth control to help with my crazy PMS time. This is the weekend that I get hit with the saddest sadness, the most anxious anxiety, and the craziest of thoughts-- this weekend I wasn't. I was normal. I was grounded. I felt like how I do all the rest of the time. It's amazing and I can't believe how good I feel! I just had to report that.


Joy!

xxoo

B.

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