Thursday, August 2, 2012

What's REALLY Been Going On




It's been a while since I've written, I've truly gotten out of the habit of blogging. I just don't really have that much to say and that in which I choose to say just isn't something I want to post online.

Or maybe it is.

I haven't had a proper relationship since the start of last year. I have had a thing here and there with different boys. There was a boy who used to be in the military but then he turned into an asshole one night at a party so I dumped him. It was a beautiful break-up full of honesty and understanding. It was a day before my companies Christmas party which I bent over backwards to ensure he could come. Instead, I dragged my BFF Reena Bear to it at the start of which would be her crazy life crisis.

then I connected with an old flame from back in my casual dating stage. I thought maybe we had both grown enough as people that we were mature enough to commit. WRONG! A few weeks into seeing him his life all of the sudden fell apart. He was a friend but also a lover and to abandon someone when they needed anyone was not what I wanted too. In my gut I though I should bow out, but I didn't and I stayed for almost 6 months giving all of my life and most of my money to this man. We broke up slowly over the span of a month as I untangled myself from his anxiety and sadness. I wanted so bad to love him better and be the one to show him the light, but I can't. Again, I learnt the lesson I had learnt almost 10 years before. You can't love someone better.

This is when The Old Flames Club started up. I dated a boy who was once a handholding boyfriend in Jr High. He had been sweet and wonderful back then, with age he had gotten smarter with his wit. Yes, he was balder and softer around the middle but we got along well and had a passion for doing anything. I liked that. We dated for almost 6 months and then one day, he just vanished. Poof! I'm not sure why but he did. That kind of hurt, I'm the kind of woman who prefers the truth. I can handle it and things like that feel like lack of respect.

And then another old flame popped into my life, and that ended as quickly as it started because I decided I did not want to go down any old paths again. Done Like Dinner!

and that was that. And then I started meeting new people, everywhere! There was a boy from a night at the pub who I taught sign language too because it was too loud to converse. There was a man who sent over a bottle of wine to my table to get my attention, we went out and he pounded back 9+ drinks in a matter of a few hours (now that's a good first impression!). Yuck. My life was starting to feel like a romantic comedy gone seriously wrong, but I was having fun.

I've been a good girl through all of this, I learnt a while ago that it was important to me to respect myself and my emotions. A date is a date and it's about learning about a person before feelings get involved. I take everything really slow now. I assume if someone has an issue with that, they'll say something and we'll go from there.

So that's part of what I've been doing, just meeting people and going out. There has been a lot of rejection because now I find I am way more demanding then I used to be. I am flexible on things but I'm less accepting of things that just shouldn't be there. Like addiction issues...

I keep thinking I should write in more detail about these experiences because they do make some awesome stories, I worry about hurting the people involved though. Some of who have read my blog in the past. So we will see, maybe I'll start another side blog and write about this stuff there. I didn't even tell you about the sweaty guy who had a fit of the giggles all night.

1 comment:

Roll said...

OH my.. a sweaty guy with a fit of GIGGLES! now that does sound, RATHER AMUSING! haha : )
aw.
yeah.

tough run you're having i think.. by the sound of it.. its a bit of a maze isn't it? It's interesting how your experience with old flames so to speak have been pretty dodgy.. when the one I'm having with an oldie is awesome :)

do any of the old flames you see make you sigh incredibly, or be flustered for words when you think about em? orrrr ummm, do they just make you smile and shake your head? do they totally melt you inside out when you see them?!!! hehe.. see.. i met this girl when i was a teenager, we had a fling for a while because she lived down the street and we really liked each other. after my marriage fell apart i asked her if she wanted to catch up some time (she said yes!), so we went camping and well things went from there! She's twice as amazing as she was SO many years ago. So.. I'm still smiling. Who knows how it will end up, but its pretty damn wonderful.

Relationships ARE strange though aren't they? PEOPLE are strange. i never anticipated that the relationship and marriage i just came from would ever end, or end the way it did. What a painful time that was, so awfully painful. but it did show me that life is so unexpected, and things happen, and that ya just have to go on finding happiness.

I totally hope you find the right sorta bloke soon, keep trying : ) keep your eyes out, expect the unexpected, and, stay happy ; )