Friday, March 30, 2012

Mantras




After having a year of some what easy peasy sailing, I have entered into 2012 with a whole new pile of lessons to learn and a whole plethora of choices to enrich my life. First I had to accept that my life was once again going in that direction-- the learn direction and I had to let go of the comfort I had found at the start of 2011. Next, I need to make these process as easy as I can on myself by not throwing up road blocks to make things more difficult then I sometimes find them.

For example, if I'm going to be bossy, stubborn, needy and scattered.. know that is just who I'm going to be. No point in fighting it even more then I am because that just makes for an even messier situation.

And it's time to change my thoughts towards things.  I can be aware and I can be oblivious but I shouldn't be ignorant. The best way for me to do this is to hear my anxious thoughts, decide if it's helpful to me to listen to them and if not, then combat it with something positive to dismiss it. Mantras are usually the best way to stop my mind from spinning. I interject a mantra into a negative, OCD thought process and eventually it releases it into something with much less power over me. My favorite for the longest time was "I love an accept myself" and even in periods when I am having trouble sleeping, that thought slips in and my mind suddenly relaxes.

I searched for a nice, basic outline of new mantras to introduce into my life. Please see below.



“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.” ~Swedish Proverb

Mantra, according to the dictionary:

Any sacred word or syllable used as an object of concentration and embodying some aspect of spiritual power.


Mantra, according to Sirena:

Things I say to myself to help me deal.

There are times we all go through that just straight up suck.

During these times, it can be hard to think about anything other than what’s going on. We can become so consumed in our own misery that we often overshadow any glimmer of hope.

And although these times can seem endless while we’re in them, it’s through these crappy times that we learn the most about ourselves and receive some of life’s greatest rewards.

I can only say this after going through some of my own crappy times. You know, experiencing little things like breaking up from an engagement, being unemployed, questioning my sexuality, severing several friendships, wiping through my entire savings, and accumulating way too much debt.
All within the same year.

Yikes.

Through my own experiences of hopelessness, confusion, and doubt, I’ve learned to establish a few simple, but very effective phrases to help me stay positive and to keep things in perspective.
So now, whenever things cross my path that may initially seem unbearable, or if I begin to doubt myself, I just remember and repeat some of the following mantras:


1. Keep your head up and your heart open.

I repeated this phrase to myself over and over again after my aforementioned breakup. At the time, the last thing I ever wanted to do was to open myself up again.

After being with the same person for over 6 years (6 years!), I quickly realized that this kind of thinking wouldn’t get me far.

I trusted myself that if I just kept my head up and my heart open, good things would come into my life. And I’m glad I listened to myself.

I use this phrase both literally and figuratively.

By actually keeping your head up, smiling at people as they walk by, and keeping aware of your surroundings, you may notice something or meet someone that you potentially could have missed had your head been down.

When to use: During a break up, when you feel let down by someone, or when you feel betrayed or mistrust.


2. Go slowly.

With everything. Eating. Talking. Taking a shower. Driving. Even having sex.

I noticed when I was super-stressed out about things, I had a tendency to run around like a lunatic, doing several things at once, often times having to re-track my steps because I was so distracted that I left several things out.

I found that my projects, errands, and even my conversations with people became very watered down because I was rushing just to finish.

Now, whenever I feel like I’m rushing to just get things done, I slow down my pace, take a deep breath, and take my time with whatever it is I am rushing to do.

When we slow down, we can taste all the flavors in our food and we digest our meals better. We are better communicators when we talk slower, and we become better listeners.

Accidents? They wouldn’t happen as much if we weren’t in such a rush to get somewhere.
It’s quality over quantity.

When to use: When you are in a rush on the highway, when you’re rushing out to get lunch, or walking around the office, when you feel pressure from deadlines, or while you’re annoyed sitting in traffic.


3. Be easy.

Or in other words, don’t sweat the small stuff.

I realized that most of the issues that were giving me anxiety were completely out of my control, and they were usually things that wouldn’t matter five years, five months or even five minutes from the time.

Like freaking out that I didn’t have something to wear to a party, or stressing that I’d mess up choreography while teaching a class.

I learned to not get so worked up over the small things, stressing about matters that, in the end, really didn’t make a difference.

So, if you find yourself getting road rage from the guy that cut you off on the highway, let him be. Why get angry and stress yourself out over it? Just be easy.

Did someone on the train bump you as they walked by? Who cares? The cab is packed; it wasn’t her fault. Be easy.

When to use: When it’s 1 AM and you’re wide awake in bed, thinking about the next day’s to do list, when you spill on your new white tank top, or when the copy machine at work jams. Be easy.
There are far worse things in life.


4. Let Sirena be Sirena (swap out my name with yours).

Most of us wear masks. And most of us are afraid to be ourselves, simply out of fear of judgment.
We take jobs we don’t really care for, stay in relationships we don’t genuinely love, and pretend to be someone different for everybody else.

I was there—I stayed in a relationship far longer than I should have and I avoided confronting my sexuality because I was so afraid of being judged.

And I’m telling you, it’s a heck of a lot easier to just be you—whatever that means, whenever, wherever.

While you’re too busy making yourself appear to be someone else, you kill yourself from the inside out. And it can be a long, slow and painful death to your soul.

Bottom line? Accept yourself for who you are, and just be you.

This was the hardest lesson for me to accept, but the one that has given me the greatest clarity and direction in life.

When to use: Times when you are questioning yourself, when you feel outside pressure to do/be/say/act in a way that is not congruent with your true nature, or when you hold back from doing what you truly want to do because you’re afraid of being judged.

Since my “sabbatical” from life, which is what I’ve now jokingly nicknamed this year of despair I described earlier, I have made some dramatic and positive changes.

I have a job that I absolutely love, I am on track to pay off all of my debt by the end of this year, and I have accumulated a solid amount in my savings.

I’ve also re-kindled past friendships and made some awesome new relationships, while becoming grounded and confident in who I am.

These mantras helped me get to this point. Having them has been an effective trick to help me stay positive and on track.

What phrase does that for you?



This is a contribution by Sirena Bernal

Monday, March 26, 2012

Letting Go



Letting go is hard. I think all of us at one point or another have had the awful exercise of having to let go and/or being let go of. We all need it, to condition us to understand that nothing is ever "always"; forever. Everything in life is temporary.

A few years ago, I watched Eat Pray Love.. actually it was December 31st 2010. I watched the movie before getting ready to go out for New Years. It changed my life... since then I have watched it more than any other movie. Just last week I watched it twice on Tuesday. I only watch the middle; I only watch the good stuff.

Those who know me well in my life are aware of how I have learned in the last few years about letting go. How relationships have changed, and people have changed, how I have changed and the things around me. I have watched it affect those around me, some are able to glide over it with ease and acceptance. Other get stuck; struggling and learning how to process the whole situation until they discover for themselves what works for them.

Over the last year, I think back to one moment in Eat Pray Love about letting go. It fits. It's been advice I've given to people and it's been advice I've received, It's just written in a way that just fits for more than just me. Not just within relationships (both romantic and non-romantic), but also with situations and experiences. It can be our health, our jobs-- anything that surrenders us to grief and mourning.

The author is in an Ashram in India – a place where she went to meditate and find herself through Yoga, and is having a particularly difficult time that day. She has made a friend there, Richard from Texas, and right now they are at the dinner table together, talking.
(my *one* thought is in parenthesise)
“What’s got you all wadded up?” he drawls, toothpick in mouth, as usual.

“Don’t ask” I say, but then I start talking and tell him every bit of it, concluding with, “And worst of all, I can’t stop obsessing over David. I thought I was over him, but it’s all coming up again.”

He says, “Give it another six months, you’ll feel better.”

“I’ve already given it twelve months, Richard.”

“Then give it six more. Just keep throwin’ six months at it till it goes away. Stuff like this takes time.”

I exhale hotly though my nose, bull-like.

“Groceries [he calls her Groceries, how AWESOME is that?!],” Richard says, “listen to me. Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it – in a beautiful place of worship, surrounded by grace. Take this time, every minute of it. Let things work themselves out here in India.”

“But I really loved him.”

“Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don’t you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that’s just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That’s just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries – you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny. Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.”

“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”

“But I love him.”

“So love him.”

“But I miss him.”

“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll be really alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

“But I wish me and David could —“

He cuts me off. “See, now that’s your problem. You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.”

AMEN.
Eat, Pray, Love (by Elizabeth Gilbert)



Nothing is real until you let go completly.

 **

Related post from July 2011
Dolce far Niente


Slumber Eats



Sleep and I are fair weathered friends. You may remember my challenges last year

and now, I sleep pretty good. I don't need nearly as much sleep as I did before which is nice too.

I know we all struggle with it at some time or another. I just read this article about foods to eat for better sleep. If something as simple as having the right kind of bed time snake might help make sleep a little better, why not.

I will cut and paste the article below.

Here's an important strategy to live younger and longer: Get enough sleep. Insomnia -- or even just getting less than 6 hours of good sleep a night -- increases your risk of heart disease, stroke, and viral infections, but snoozing 6½ to 7½ hours can make your RealAge younger.



Did you know humans die earlier without sleep than they do without food? Fortunately, food may hold the solution to getting the ZZZs you need. A couple of hours before bedtime, curl up with one of the following sleepy-time snacks that get your brain to release sleep-friendly chemicals. (Take this assessment to find out what's causing your sleep trouble.)



1.Almonds: A handful contains muscle-relaxing magnesium and sleep-inducing tryptophan, which increases the brain's level of feel-good serotonin.

2.Bananas: Beneath the peel is a trifecta of soothers: serotonin, magnesium, and melatonin, your body's natural sleep regulator. (Here's another health benefit of sleep.)

3.Skim milk: Mom was right -- a warm glassful will help you sleep better. The milk's tryptophan has a sedating effect. Plus, it's calcium that helps your brain use that tryptophan.

4.Oatmeal: Oats are rich in sleep-regulating melatonin. If you drizzle just a little honey on top, it tells your brain to turn off orexin, a neuropeptide linked to alertness.

5.Whole-wheat bread: A slice of toast dotted with banana slices releases insulin, which helps tryptophan get to your brain. There it changes into serotonin and whispers, "Sweet dreams.


Mix and match the following for-a-good-night's-sleep foods:

•Banana-Walnut Oatmeal. Walnuts, like almonds, contain sleepy-time tryptophan.

•Oatmeal & Whole-Wheat Bread. Serve up a warm slice to help your body relax before heading to bed.
•Bagel Gone Bananas. This grab-and-go breakfast can double as a soothing bedtime snack.

Want more tips for better slumber? Visit our Insomnia & Sleep Problems Center.

What are some of the things that work for you?

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Mr. Richie



I can't help it, this morning as I listen to an interview on Q, I hear Lionel Richie talking.

I love him.

He's great.

His songs are amazing to drive to becasue they are so great to sing along too.

He just released a new album yesterday-- gotta buy it.

Confessions: I Had a Sexy Dream about Hitler



It's true. I had a dream that I was alive during World War II and Hitler and I had an affair and he was a good lover.

*cringe

Don't judge me. It was just a dream. He wasn't a horrible monster of a man in my dream either, he was a nice dream lover with a cute little mustache above his upper lip and together we hated Himmler together. I wore this long green silk dress and a mink cape. This dream had all kinds of romance that would have been perfect for a fiction film like Inglorious Bastard.

I also had a dream I was married to  Danny Bonaduce-- not the grown up version that we see around as a B rated celebrity but the Danny Bonaduce who was staring in the Partridge Family at the age of 15.We were married and then he cheated on me and I was so upset! Even when I woke up , that feeling of betrayal stayed with me. I haven't liked him since. hmph.

I also remember having a dream when I was really young about this boy I could have cared less about. His name was Lucas and he wanted nothing to do with me before my dream or after my dream but because in this dream, he kissed me and I fell deep into dream love with him, I had a soft spot for him ever since. and I've never forgotten about.

So my affiar with Dream Hilter still seems wrong, at least I can validate it with these other dreams of love and heartbreak. Interstingly enough, Dream Hitler adn I had the best relationship out of them all. Maybe that means that Danny Bonaduce is the best person in real life.

Confession Complete.


Have you ever had some weird dream relationship with anyone? I know a friend of mine had a dream he lived with Britney Spears on a pile of subwofer speakers.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Taking a Break from my Head




I haven't been blogging very much over here because I have just wanted to take a break from my head. I've also been crazy busy at work and getting my life on a different track.

I've been looking for new work because it's time, it's been time for a year but... now it's really time to go. Things are slowing down and I won't be screwing my company over. My biggest goal is working for a company that treats all their employees well. I am loyal and prefer to work my way through my growth within a corporation then by changing companies all together. I just no longer believe that I have space to grow where I am now.

So, change is good and I'm excited and feeling rather positive about things.

I also want to work on my hobbies more. I have that other blog B in the City, the intention with that is to bring my passion for Calgary into a realm that others can access. I love to eat, I love to do, I love to participate in life and all that fun stuff, so why not share it. Because it's a personal project, when I don't have time I don't post. It's inconsistent but whatever, I"m not to worried. I have 4 followers, one being me. I would like to put more attention into it though. I know people are always looking and though there are lost of vessels in which people can obtain info, it never hurts to have one more.

Things are good, as always. I'm working on my head, my heart and my soul. The biggest dissatisfaction comes from my job situation and the amount of apathy I have for it. Once that changes I'm sure I'll have a whole new outlook on life again. And finally taking control and trying to change it, that has made a huge impact on things. It's nice to see once again how far I've come in the last little while, I have a much stronger sense of confidence. It's great!

This weekend SL gave me some herbal type pills that work really well for his nerves or unsettled feelings, GABA. Have you tried this? I took two yesterday, in half doses. I didn't really notice a different. Being that this is my crazy woman time, I was ready to do anything to get some normalcy. So, I had a nasty upset tummy last night but that might have also been from eating the too spicy, too garlicky, Nepalese food I like.

I slept like a dream though. No nightmares and woke up a few minutes before my alarm-- GO ME!

So that is what is going on with me. I'm also trying to decide if I should take on this flight to Paris for $771 return, taxes in. It looks like I'd have to go by myself but at this moment in my life, this exact minute. That idea scares the living hell out of me. I'd rather touch a spider. Actually... I might prefer Paris, even with the expense factor.

We'll see. I'm giving myself 24 hours. Anything over $500 is not an impulse for me.

so that's me. How about you? :)

[Picture borrowed from here]

Friday, March 16, 2012

Thoughts on Sadness

rwwwaarrrrrrr!!


4 days of each month, I get sad. I talk about it a lot because I am effected a lot by it. Everything becomes a big deal and it's become even bigger because others find it a big deal.

It's not me, it's my hormones... I swear. Give me 4 days of crazy out of 30. Just hold me, be with me, let me do my thing. Let me need you...

The sadness that hits is weird and uncomfortable. If it lasted longer I might feel as though it deserved a stronger name such as "depression". But I don't. It doesn't... at least not for me.

I read this post by Cup of Jo (i know, I re-post a lot of her stuff) and it was about her depression after having child.

 
The funny thing about depression is that you don't know that it's depression—like, chemical imbalance in your brain, or a hormonal crash. You just think it's your actual life--that your career really IS ending, that you really ARE a terrible mother, that your husband really WILL stop loving you, that friends DO think you're boring. At any time in your life, if you just start feeling bad in your mind and mood, you can always come up with a random reason to point to--oh, it's my job! Oh, it's my dating life! Oh, it’s my looks! Oh, it's just me being an awkward person! When you're depressed, you don't realize that your life actually is fine--you're simply sad because you're depressed. The depression is the reason for the depression.


and then there was Hyperboyle and a Half... how honest is that? I always kind of get to the point half way through (if not sooner) where I realise I have nothing to lose. I start making crazy, impulsive choices. Like last month I went to the movies after having cried in the middle of the mall. I went to the movies and I picked the saddest movie EVER to go to-- by my self none the less-- and I wasn't even wearing waterproof make-up. Black streaks came down my face and I left The Vow half way through. Then I cried in the car and drove like a crazy person all the way home. Then I deleted my Facebook profile because I couldn't handle it. and then I re added it a few days later.

I have helped people through there sadness becasue I know what I need, so I give it to them. It's so hard to ask for it though. This month, I'm trying. For real. I am warnign people now and saying my "I'm sorries" now...

because the uncontroled emotion is not what I am used too.

I have been to my doctor and we are trying some new things, I want things to be better now. I have no paitence for this process in myself. I get so irritated at people who make loud nosies or don't listen. I am intense and can't handle stories in the news paper about mistreated animals. People who look at me a little too long, they get put in my bad books for the next few days. I just want to never stop moving and never stop sleeping. I am in a constant state of confliction. and I hate talking about it as much as I do; excpet... I feel better when I talk about it becasue I think it allows people to understand me better.

I keep trying to think there has to be a way that I can use this for something. Use these emotions. There has to be away to turn them around, direct them... sadness is ideal habitate for creativity. Anger is good for cleaning. I ahve energy that needs to move and the more it sits the heavier it makes my heart.

I just want people to understand and accept me but maybe, I have to accept me first too. I just want them to go first, you accept me and then I'll be me. Maybe it doesn't work that way.

and with this sdaness comes other things. I've looked up what the doctor told me about, PDDM:

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome, afflicting 3% to 8% of women. It is a diagnosis associated primarily with the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle. Up to one-third of women diagnosed with PMDD report residual symptoms into the first 2 or 3 days of the follicular phase.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe forms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Like PMS, premenstrual dysphoric disorder follows a predictable, cyclic pattern. Symptoms begin in the late luteal phase of the menstrual cycle (after ovulation) and end shortly after menstruation begins.
Emotional symptoms are generally present, and in PMDD, mood symptoms are dominant. Substantial disruption to personal relationships is typical for women with PMDD. Anxiety, anger, and depression may also occur. The main symptoms, which can be disabling, include
  • feelings of deep sadness or despair, and suicide ideation
  • feelings of intense tension or anxiety
  • increased intense sensitivity to rejection or criticism
  • panic attacks
  • rapid and severe mood swings, bouts of uncontrollable crying
  • lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts; typically sufferers are unaware of the impact they have on those close to them
  • apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships
  • difficulty concentrating
  • chronic fatigue
  • food cravings or binge eating
  • insomnia or hypersomnia; sleeping more than usual, or (in a smaller group of sufferers) being unable to sleep
  • feeling overwhelmed or feelings of being out of control
  • increase or decrease in sex drive
  • increased need for emotional closeness
Common physical symptoms include:
  • breast tenderness or swelling, heart palpitations, headaches, joint or muscle pain, swollen face and nose
  • an altered view of one's body - a sensation of 'bloating', feeling fat or actual weight gain.

[copied from Wikipedia]


This is me, 100% and it's always nice to know the cause.


so this is more of me... for you to see. HA! Love me, I'm a monster! ;)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

A Post Borrowed from Jo on Falling In Love with Steinbeck as your Father




I have completly cut and pasted this post from Cup of Jo becasue it is perfect in every way, in my eyes.

I just simply wanted to share it:



CUP of JO: On Falling in Love
Back in 1958, John Steinbeck, author of East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, and Of Mice and Men, got a letter from his teenage son Thom, in which Thom confessed that he had fallen desperately in love with a girl named Susan at his boarding school.

Steinbeck wrote this wise and wonderful letter back to him the same day...

New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love.

But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa



(Via Letters of Note. the letter originally appeared in this book.)




picture credits

It's Better to be Attractive then Pretty




When I turned 30 I felt like my life was over. It's true and silly. If you have been a patient reader of mine for the last few years, you know at least a little.

I came to realise though that I had put too much value in my looks, and not to say that I am/was any type of a looker, but I do/did get attention and feedback that brought me to the understanding that there was something to fuss about. At least for a short while. I think I still pretty much look the same, maybe better. I have heard that as a woman, we reach the peak of our physical beauty at 38... I disagree and reading this blog post from Privilege has validated that for me.  Again.

To me, it's not about what you look like, it's about what you are, inside. As a woman, as a human, as partner, etc. Being that I had put value on my looks and my body, when I started to see that slip away from me in the hours I spent obsessing in the mirror over this line or that, I started to let myself slip in away. I started to loose sight of myself and I had no idea what my values were or what I wanted or even really, who I was.

But I know better now. I am SO much stronger then I once was and I have so many more rewards in my life as a result. I understand now what it is to be me. And I am usually happy with that. I really just wanted to bring a little attention for myself, yet another post about growing older and growing up. One of the BFF's is going through the mental game of turning 30 this year and I see the same anxieties that hit me, hitting her. I just keep telling her that she will come out the otherside a whole new woman with a whole new sense of fearlessness. And she beleives me. One of my blogging friends said to me in one of my posts about turning 30 a few years ago, she said "Happy Birthday Blanche! These days one's thirties are when the biggest changes occur. Cool - I envy you." and just hearing that changed everything for me. I'm sure she has no idea how much that flipped my perspective around, but it did. She really is a Clever Pup. *wink

I'm settled now and hardly worry about what it is that I look like. I pay attention to things but it's not the main motivation in my life. My main motivation now is just living, challanging and enjoying.. the rest will come. And I must appreciate each day, which I do.

(sorry, the spell check isn't working on this post... I'm not going to worry about it past this point. Even if I do use it I'm sure my spelling isn't all that great either.)

Friday, March 9, 2012

Adult Night 3

SL and I at Adult Night 4 (my third one). Looking a little more
confident and playing with robots.

Adult Night

The first adult night at the new Science Centre. SL and I look lost
and amazed-- and I a little worried too.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Words of Wisdom for a Girl Named Diana

"I think we all over-think, but some more so than others.  it’s our culture.  We’re told to ‘be ourselves’ and then we’re bombarded with messages that essentially say we have to be perfect and live up to some standard or fit into some mold.  So we get entirely trapped in our own heads because all we get all day are mixed messages.  It’s hard to live in this day and age and not have some mental drama going on.  Plus we’ve got to the point where a lot of our basic survival is taken for granted and is very convenient and easy to obtain because we no longer have to hunt and gather or go very far to get all the tools and supplies we could ever want and then some.  So we have a lot more time to spend “thinking” a.k.a. stressing than we would if we had an actual requirement to work for survival.  Our attempt to make life easy and more convenient has ironically made it a lot harder in many ways and as things get easier we make them harder by placing more demands on ourselves to fill the time some other way."