Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Mr. D and His Birthday

I'm doing the last thing I should be doing right now. It's a friend of mines birthday today, thanks to Facebook for telling me. He's one person I often wonder about; wonder if he's happy. I understand that it's not my responsibility to make everyone happy in life but I still think I have some ability to make things better.
I like company and I like people. But I also need my space. I tend to project my own fears on others and imagine that this might be what they are going through-- that could be or it more than likely may not be.
He posted a status update about an hour ago that he was heading out for a birthday drink tonight and wondered if anyone wanted to join him. I wanted to join him. I haven't sat and talked with him in years, if ever. I say hi to him when I run into him at art openings and garden shows. Always quick encounters along the journey pathway.

There are some people who post things about needing someone to go with them for this or that and I never have the desire to go. This is different. I want to do this but I look at the time and I know I have to drive to where he is. I know that I can't drink at all and drive home regardless of mental state (there's a zero tolerance for my drivers licence category for the first two years-- the two years is over this July) and my mind and judgment says don't.
and I think that this judgement is wrong. I look at the time again and my judgment kicks in. *sigh
So I make an agreement with myself to make an effort to ask him to go for a glass of wine sometimes soon and that sooths my guilt a bit. If guilt is even the right word.
I want to make change in my life (I always want to generate change) and I feel very strongly about people. Those two things promote wanting to volunteer more and talk to people I don't normally talk to and that movie Sliding Doors flashes in my mind. I imagine my other self driving to the north part of the city to see him and I imagine that only good things will happen from it. Yet, I still sit here. Writing a blog post about the things I want to do and making a situation not about me, about me even though my intention is just to surprise a friend I am fond of.
and so I reconfirm that agreement I made with myself to make the effort to go for a glass of wine with him on a different day and in my typical awkward way, I'll tell him too much about the reason why. That's OK though, most people don't mind the honesty.
"Hi Mr. D, I saw your status on your birthday about meeting for a glass of wine and I wasn't able to make it then but how about now? I can meet you at DeVille by your place" then I'll just walk home from there. It's almost summer and the days are getting longer. And we'll have a conversation and I will learn more about him because that would be nice.
(while I was writing this, a song arrived in my head and though I couldn't find a link for it you could look it up: Kathryn Calder --  Low  it's pretty and sweet and a little sad)

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