Monday, September 16, 2013


I have always been told I should meditate. It would calm my mind. It would stop the obsessive thoughts and the worry and the anxiety and my butterfly/hummingbird energy would tone down and I would stop making myself and other uncomfortable with my awkward, high strung tendencies. My energy also finds itself to be creative and passionate but people are usually OK with that kind of stuff.
I have gone through stages in which I believe in somethings and not in others. I have always had trouble meditating. If it was guided or a form of art or walking, I could do it. But to sit still in a room and focus on a mantra or my breath, that was hard. But a good exercise none-the-less. For someone with a mind like mine that can run wild with anything it latches on too, being able to bring it back to a more Serene place could be the different between having restful nights sleep and not. I have the energy to survives weeks of not sleeping, that isn't the issues. The issue is just listening to the things my mind comes up with.
September seems to be a month for self transformation. I am trying to find what I really want and who I really want. I am trying to find my path and maybe some inner peace while I'm at it. There have been points in my life that I have over flowed with appreciation for beauty in everyday tings. There have been points in my life that people have called me relaxed and peaceful. There have been times when I used to recite chants to maximum vibration in hopes that it would "realign my chakras".
Tonight, I thought it was time to revisit these meditation things. Not ones that involved drawing or walking but ones that worked the muscle that allowed me to pull my thoughts back to where they should be. There was that benefit as well as being able to do some deep breathing which always helps and also include some forced relation into my day. None of those things will hurt me at all and if I give myself a small time frame to work towards, I can get a good idea if this might actually benefit me.
So I turned on some music with dreamy satire playing with drums, I turned the lights off and lite candles that smelled of spices and things I loved. I gave myself some time (10 minutes) and i sat and focused on the my breath in and out of my nose. It wasn't perfect but it also wasn't as awful as it has been in the past. I did have to move around twice and give a big body itch because everything, all at once decided it needed attention and being itchy was the way to go.
In no way did I gain enlightenment however, I do have a particular grounding in my head which I haven't had in a while. It might just be the buzz of following through with something or maybe it was all that breath... or how much I love Indian music.
I got up feeling motivated and craving curry, two things that are always welcome. I hope to make 9:00 for the next two weeks my time to meditate and hopefully I will have learned to sit through the whole 10 minutes without having to adjust my legs or itch my whole self. And hopefully I will have learned to control my mind better from it's obsessions. The over thinking about what I should do or want to do and what this person is doing and what would I do if this happened or ... well, you get the point.

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