Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Fear of Not Being

 "Sometimes I dream of a tree, and the tree is my life. One branch is the man I shall marry and the leaves my children. Another branch is my future as a writer and each leaf is a poem. Another branch is a glittering academic career. But as I sit there, trying to choose, the leaves begin to turn brown, and blow away until the tree is absolutely bare." 

Sylvia Plath

Saturday, October 5, 2013

You've Got Time

Sometimes I stay up too late playing love songs on the guitar. I can't help it. I play all these sappy songs that I sing to myself in the car. It's delightful  to be able to reproduce them my way through something I have learned over the years. I sometimes imagine that one day, when I get married, I'll be cheesy and play a song for my future husband. There are some songs that I won't play for anyone because I am saving it for that one person who I feel that way for. It's so silly but that's a true confession.
 
And I shouldn't be blogging right now. But I am. And I'm listening to that Regina Spektor song from Orange is the New Black. Which I tried to learn but it felt too angry for me to want to learn. Especially at the after midnight time.
 

 
That's not really a love song but a song about cross roads and things getting in the way.
 
Anyway, I just thought I would come over here and write a little thing. I have been doing scary things  and now that it is October I can so of relish the changes. The bigger ones I'm waiting to complete and that's good. I will hear words on that in a week I think.
 
It came to my understanding that I need to constantly have something to be working on in my life to feel fulfilled. Does that sound exhausting? I like to have the drive of doing things. As much as I love playing the guitar, it's a relaxing hobby and sometimes I can hear the improvement in my playing and that fills me with pride but nothing matches that feeling of being able to play those first 3 chords together that actually sound like a song. Now, even as I work on writing my own stuff... it's just changed for me.
 
I'm just rambling because I feel like writing. I should go to sleep so I can wake up early, go to the gym and then head over to the gem and mineral show. I'm really excited about that... there is this geek in me that digs rocks and stones. First, sleep must come and refresh me.

I write weird things...
 
Good night.