Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Confession



I don't have a high school education.

There. I said it. I basically finished grade 8 and then hormones and the volatility of being a teenager took over and school became even harder. I struggled with school my whole life and finally, 16 and sitting in the principal’s office with my TA, I was told to leave. My TA stood at the door as my family and I sat squished on their weird, vinyl couch and said matter-a-factly "Let her experience The Real World, it will be better for her." and so I resigned and became a high school drop-out. I got a job in a high end retail jewellery store and stayed for 10 years. I learned to sell, merchandize, how to be a watch maker and bench jeweler. I became a graduated jewellery and later, a gemologist.

but then I became tired of it and I wanted a normal job that gave me weekends and nights off. I could take the whole month of December off and I wouldn't miss out on 50% of my annual commission wages. So I became a receptionist and thought I could work my way up from there, and I did. I worked in HR, sales, marketing and accounting. I was stuck in the real world. Stuck in entry level jobs. I do OK for myself and I don't have this need to take on a high pressure, executive job. I do want more though, just a little. A nice mid-level position that pushes me past a certain tax bracket, working for a company that is better then the average.

And so it hit me at 3:45AM on a Tuesday. I was laying there, wide awake. My heart was pounding as I thought about where I was. How stuck I felt. How things weren't as how I pictured them and how one day I'm going to be a 45 year old woman working a simple admin role. Not very empowering thoughts but it was enough of a rock bottom to all of the sudden see the light.

I had to go to school. I had to go to real school, not some course or term about some random thing. I had to start and finish something.

I turned on the lights and checked my nightstand (which had a pile of books and papers I needed to read). My parents had sent me a continuing education program book and I frantically started flipping through it. Business Administration Degree. Can be done part time and on-line. Requirements to take the course? High school or equivalency.

I don't have high school or the equivalency (my GED)... but I can get it!

Over the last 16 years I have thought about it and I was never that motivated to get it. Everything else always seemed more important and plus, I thought I could do life without it.

I could-- I was but, I think I'll be happier. The last year of my life has been spent readjusting to everything. My priorities have shifted and having a good life is very important to me. Completing my high school is a stepping stone (one of the many ones I've been taking during the last year since I started Scary September in 2013) and it's a stepping stone I started this week.

I still feel ashamed that I lack such a basic education block. I am incredibly sensitive to being considered uneducated but I'm doing something about it now. And I'm excited about it! I was so lost as a child when it came to school. Now, I'm not lost. I'm motivated and focused and ready to take on the challenge. This will open doors that I can't even imagine right now. I could find new passions and directions. Only good can come from this and I'm proud that I'm ready.

I plan to finish the course by Feb 2015 and take the test. This might change, but that is the current goal. Let's DO THIS!

Friday, August 1, 2014

Low FODMAP Diet



This is a selfish post. Best info on the diet that I follow and some great staple recipies. I want to pin it to my Pinterest but it won't let me without an image.

Here is the PDF with all the right info:
http://www.myfoodmyhealth.com/FODMAP/FODMAPs_Diet_Third_Edition.pdf

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Three Things

It's Tuesday and I totally forgot I've been doing this until today.
Lots has gone right since the last time I wrote but we won't get into
that because who wants to hear a list of 12 things that went right.

It's rainy today and even though my tummy was giving me trouble in the
morning, as soon as I walked out the front door into the morning
air... All of it washed away. The contrast between the gray sky and
vibrant, green leaves was stunning. The air was gentle on my lungs as
I took a long breath in through my nose and smelt the fresh, sappy
trees and damp earth. The space was quiet (there are two magpie
families living on my block and my goodness, they are noisy critters
when they are single and crowing on garbage-- but with a family?! They
are like a car alarm that goes off from 5:00am until 10:00pm) and all
felt calm. It was a great way to start my Tuesday.

Of course, then I got to work and I am in the sales and marketing
department. It's a group of extreme extroverts with voices as loud as
the magpies on my block. They were in early, clucking from their desks
in their offices. The noise can be too much. I think I'm starting to
grow out of living DT. There's noise and people everywhere I go and
sometimes I just want a break. Some privacy and some space for the
sensory overload. I find that early mornings are the closest I can get
these days. I have started to day dream about having a quiet little
house in an old neighborhood with a big backyard and the only noise I
have to hear is the man cry of Sunday morning lawn mowing. Kids
playing. The occasional car driving past at a snails pace.

Soon... This will happen.

It seems I've gotten distracted. There things that went right today

My workout went well. I upped my weights on my back squats and that
always feels good. I also don't grunt like the boys who lift the same.

I had some honest laughter. The kind that isn't just about being
friendly and social. The kind that surprises you, you weren't
expecting to laugh but you did and it sounds great and feels even
better because it erupts from your belly in a fantastic release.

My dinner turned out awesome. I always try to create as little waste
with food as possible but having had the big dinner in Sunday I had
some leftovers. I was able to work a lot of the veggies into my dinner
which I felt really good about. I used up some salmon I had purchased
from the market and frozen. Made my usual "Chinese style" veggies and
had a tomato salad with fresh basil from my 3 foot basil plant,
"Harmony". Some buttery rice because I like the carbs and fat. I used
up a pint of strawberries with two stalks of rhubarb and made a
wonderfully tart crisp. My fridge is finally getting some breathing
space and it is happy.

I also went for a nice, long walk in the rain with Brent after dinner.
I was dressed for it but that guy needs to get with it-- better shoes
and better outerwear.

Those were the things that went right today. And now it's time for sleep.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

The Things that Went Right

This morning as I reflect in yesterday I think about the post I did
and what three things that went right yesterday. It was a rainy, quiet
day and nothing stands out right away so I have to dig a little deeper
to find them:

1) I went shopping at lunch for my brother's birthday gift and a
Father's Day gift. I found everything I needed and then some! I stayed
within my budget, I had wicked customer service and was out and back
to the office within a half hour. A perfect trip to the mall if you
ask me.

2) the dinner I made last night was a semi fail. I can cook just about
anything *except* steak. Half my battle is trying to do it on a George
Foreman grill which steams the steak more then sears it. I have tried
the oven but find that's such a major endeavor-- I need a BBQ. I did
however blow myself away with my smashed potatoes-- I picked these
beautiful little Poplar Bluff butter potatoes-- yum. And my tomato
salad had these fantastic fresh basil in it that was strong and spicy.
that alone made the dinner fantastic even thought the steak was still
a 6/10 (I did master the perfect medium rare though).

3) my body treated me right yesterday and that's always a win in my head!

Friday, June 13, 2014

What Went Well




I read this post today about doing things that bring further feelings of happiness to our lives. Nothing wrong with that!

I have often been a believer of expressing gratitude because the release of energy (of any kind) is very therapeutic. It's a good way to live a life of no regrets and the best way to wake-up in the morning truly feeling like you have a fresh page to start your day with.

Another thing that the article mentioned was to post 3 things that went well in the day. I like that better then being gracious about things. It's a nice way to re-frame your day even if you are already in a negative space because if you've had a nasty kind of day, it can be hard to feel grateful but it can be easy to see where things went right.

Things that went right yesterday:

I decided to switch my gym day to Friday so I could go for my lunch time walk on Thursday. This was motivated by wanting to get some sun on my face. It was perfect because yesterday the morning cloud had burned off enough to let out a gentle warmth from the sun. I enjoyed a peaceful walk along the river with the sun touching my skin. Today, it's a beautiful rainy, June day. I might have still gone for a walk at lunch with my umbrella and boots but instead, I went to the mall and bought some awesome gifts for a birthday and Father's Day. Then I'll leave work early tonight and head to the gym before I go home. Perfect!

Yesterday after work I went to the children's hospital. I had 2 big boxes of brand new, unwrapped toys to donate. I didn't call ahead, I just looked on their website and showed up. Got to park right in front, walk in and drop them off. It was easy and quick and it was nice to finally get the boxes out of my kitchen. I also felt good donating toys that I think the children would like.

and the last thing that went right yesterday was going out to eat. I got a seat at The Ship during opening day of The World Cup. That's pretty good, if you ask me!

I'm not sure if I will take the time to make this list everyday, I guess I could since I can easily email things from my phone that turn into post. Knowing me and this blog though, my commitment level is much lower for whatever reason. I was more committed to other blogs in the last 3 or 4 years.

That could change, we will see. In other news though, went are 3 things that went right in your day?





Friday, May 23, 2014

When I Was 20

When I was in my 20's I was in love. A lot. And now that I'm in my 30's I don't have that feeling anymore. I can't decide what I like better, the excited, magnetic obsession that made me want to be a better person. More of a person. Or the confident, numb feeling that I have now. I have not a care in the world, I trust, I am confident, I am fulfilled but I'm numb. My mind wanders back to the people of my past and most of it is resolved and put away. However, there is one love that I can still feel and perhaps it's because I never was able to give whatever I exactly wanted. I was devoted even when I shouldn't have been.

And now, I feel loved by another but I don't feel it back. I can't decide if that's right or wrong. Do I even know what love is? My past experience has always been that of dramatic, emotional endeavours and now that I'm with a kind, gentle man I feel nothing that I even can register.

Maybe it's the spring in the air that has my mind wandering though my passage of time. Maybe it's the nostalgic music. Regardless, I'm in a relationship that I can talk openly about this so it's not really a secret. We talk and work through everything but yet, I still miss that enchanted feeling I had when I was 20.