Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Confession



I don't have a high school education.

There. I said it. I basically finished grade 8 and then hormones and the volatility of being a teenager took over and school became even harder. I struggled with school my whole life and finally, 16 and sitting in the principal’s office with my TA, I was told to leave. My TA stood at the door as my family and I sat squished on their weird, vinyl couch and said matter-a-factly "Let her experience The Real World, it will be better for her." and so I resigned and became a high school drop-out. I got a job in a high end retail jewellery store and stayed for 10 years. I learned to sell, merchandize, how to be a watch maker and bench jeweler. I became a graduated jewellery and later, a gemologist.

but then I became tired of it and I wanted a normal job that gave me weekends and nights off. I could take the whole month of December off and I wouldn't miss out on 50% of my annual commission wages. So I became a receptionist and thought I could work my way up from there, and I did. I worked in HR, sales, marketing and accounting. I was stuck in the real world. Stuck in entry level jobs. I do OK for myself and I don't have this need to take on a high pressure, executive job. I do want more though, just a little. A nice mid-level position that pushes me past a certain tax bracket, working for a company that is better then the average.

And so it hit me at 3:45AM on a Tuesday. I was laying there, wide awake. My heart was pounding as I thought about where I was. How stuck I felt. How things weren't as how I pictured them and how one day I'm going to be a 45 year old woman working a simple admin role. Not very empowering thoughts but it was enough of a rock bottom to all of the sudden see the light.

I had to go to school. I had to go to real school, not some course or term about some random thing. I had to start and finish something.

I turned on the lights and checked my nightstand (which had a pile of books and papers I needed to read). My parents had sent me a continuing education program book and I frantically started flipping through it. Business Administration Degree. Can be done part time and on-line. Requirements to take the course? High school or equivalency.

I don't have high school or the equivalency (my GED)... but I can get it!

Over the last 16 years I have thought about it and I was never that motivated to get it. Everything else always seemed more important and plus, I thought I could do life without it.

I could-- I was but, I think I'll be happier. The last year of my life has been spent readjusting to everything. My priorities have shifted and having a good life is very important to me. Completing my high school is a stepping stone (one of the many ones I've been taking during the last year since I started Scary September in 2013) and it's a stepping stone I started this week.

I still feel ashamed that I lack such a basic education block. I am incredibly sensitive to being considered uneducated but I'm doing something about it now. And I'm excited about it! I was so lost as a child when it came to school. Now, I'm not lost. I'm motivated and focused and ready to take on the challenge. This will open doors that I can't even imagine right now. I could find new passions and directions. Only good can come from this and I'm proud that I'm ready.

I plan to finish the course by Feb 2015 and take the test. This might change, but that is the current goal. Let's DO THIS!

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