That wasn't the case.
That was just a wrong relationship with the right guy. Someone else's right guy. It's selfish to keep forcing the relationship, so I let him go so we can both grow.
Over the last month, it's like everything all came to a head and I had to start instilling changes. My job needed me to think, I needed me to think about my personal life. Little things just started to collect in a corner until it came to the point that I could no longer ignore it. So I cleared it out and after that happened something new came in. Changes came tumbling in like as if they had been waiting at the door for me for 5 years.
I had been sitting dormant for years in some sleepy hibernation and now that springtime has arrived in my body, and I feel alive.