Dreams About You

Sunday night I had a dream about you. Clear as day. I was going about my usual dream like adventure when all the sudden my dream self remembered I had a dream meeting with you. So, I went to meet you. It was at a place like Bowness Park but in the middle of the bald prairies. You were wearing a toque and you seemed shorter then you are in real life. Just a touch. In my dream, I knew this wasn't really you. I knew it was just a dream.

There was a place to order food from and of course we did. I'm not sure what was ordered but I had to stand on a bench to give the woman my money. I fished through my purse for change because what I was getting came to $3 and change. All I had were dimes and nickles in my purse, I heard you on my left side say "I have a pumpkin-" as you handed me a dollar coin (I suppose because it's kind of orange. My head works in intriguing ways) and then when I glanced in my purse all I had were $1 and $2 coins.

I thanked you and paid.

Then we were waiting. I could tell that you were being careful with me. Careful of assumed boundaries. We hugged for the first time in months, I remembered what it felt like to touch your skin.

Then as quick as that moment happened we were now at a park. You were on a tire swing and I said to you "would you rather go fast or high?"... I don't remember what you said but all of the sudden we were both on the tire swing together and then the swing kicked you off. You went flying far away and landed softly on the group. You didn't need help so I collected the items that fell out of your pocket. They were filled with love letters from another girl. Her name was Jue (that isn't even a real name) and they were things like folded up post it notes and band aides that she had signed-- almost as if you were wearing a cast (gross in real life but in my dream they were fine). I don't remember what they said but it was apparent that they came from a place of caring.

Of course, I was sad. When someone who you care about moves on without you, it stings a little. Regardless of circumstances or how well adjusted you are. I gathered them up for you, putting them in a pile... and then I woke up.

**
No weird feelings. It just reminded me of you. It reminded my heart of the sweet little song she used to sing for you. It was a pretty little melody.

Happy Bug

"Mmm...More mosquito's please!" Said that bug.

Look at his happy little face, doesn't it just make you want to smile right back at him? Awww

The Climb

there she is, down at the bottom! That is my dog, Dinner.

Nothing ever stays the same. And it shouldn't. Going through life with the same patterns, everything predictable just isn't really living. Coming into January I was flooded with a feeling of accomplishment, I've described it as feeling as though I completed a complicated level in a game. I entered, I faught, and finally I completed everything to be rewarded with a bonus level. Life was suddenly slippery, easy and safe. Everything packed away in little boxes. And now, I'm ready to move forward with the next level. As it has been my experience with most games, the beginning is often free of unexpected surprises (usually). They lay of the land is unknown and you just never really know what might be hiding behind the next corner; demon or treasure?

I guess I wasn't expecting to start playing again so quickly. I feel disoriented a little and a little under protected, like I need to upgrade my armor. My allies have changed and finding my rhythm is throwing me off the most right now. It's only a matter of time till I find my footing and get a decent grasp on my journey, I guess I just wasn't ready to jump back into my game so soon. I was enjoying the soft glow ambience. Life doesn't wait for anyone and I guess now that I see that it's time to get moving again, I have to pick my direction and just go.

This is silly, I'm writing this blog post from my phone. I don't really know if this makes any sense of if autocorrect has gotten the better of me. I should post it though, just to put it out there. Things are good, I'm just looking for my new role, my new direction and then, as it usually does, things will start to move like clock work.

Slurpee Day

Slurpees: Better then ice cream?

7-Eleven is celebrating it's 83rd birthday today across the US and Canada (Yes, 83rd birthday) as per usual. With free slurpees Mmmmm....

SLURPEE FUN FACTS:

• The frozen, carbonated beverage was first invented in 1959 by a Kansas hamburger stand owner. Using an automobile air conditioner, he created a sophisticated piece of equipment that would freeze a carbonated soft drink and serve it in a sherbet-like form that could be sipped through a straw.

• 7-Eleven began selling Slurpee drinks, then called Icee, in its stores in 1965, and is the only place to buy a Slurpee drink.

• To get that uniquely Slurpee beverage consistency, each Slurpee machine has a compact refrigeration system that mixes syrup, carbon dioxide and water under pressure in a freezing chamber.

• Slurpee drinks are served fountain-style at a frosty 28°F/ -2°C.

• The Slurpee name was created in May 1967 during a brainstorming session of the Stanford Agency, 7-Eleven stores’ in-house agency. While drinking the product through a straw, agency director Bob Stanford commented that it made a “slurp” sound coming through the straw.

• To capitalize on the popularity of the Slurpee beverage, 7-Eleven began introducing Slurpee collectors’ cups in 1972. Through the years, special Slurpee cups have featured monsters, rock ‘n’ roll stars and endangered species. 7-Eleven also offered surprise Slurpee cups with false bottoms, free prizes and peel-off game pieces.

• Cola and Cherry continue to be Slurpee-lovers’ favorite flavors. Other top-selling Slurpee flavors are blue raspberry, Crystal Light Raspberry Ice and Mountain Dew.

• 7-Eleven coined the word BrainFreeze in 1994 to communicate the somewhat painful joy drinking a Slurpee drink brings.

So what if they are high in both sugar and sodium. There are much worse things you could consume- that cost money. So, if you can... go grad yourself a frozen freebie today and have a safe and happy Slurpee Day.

What's your favorite flavour?

(facts from an official press release from 7-Eleven)

Photo borrowed from Yahoo Image Search

Happy Birthday Scout, Atticus & Boo

Well, this Sunday you'll be turning 50. Though some might argue about your literary merits your story is well known through out the world. Regardless, there is no denying the lessons about courage and compassion that exists between your pages.

Happy Golden 50th Birthday To Kill a Mockingbird

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." - Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

Those words have always stuck with me as words to live by. Words that I live by.

Coffee Buzz

I remember it like it was yesterday, actually it was yesterday... or Sunday but who's counting. Walking through the front doors into a steamy, hot room with high ceilings and panoramic windows. To the left of me are modern contemp couches and tables, to the right a spread of delicate pastries and the hot smell of coffee. I had found myself in a little place called Deville; Luxury Coffee and Pasties. I'm not a coffee drinker- I never drink it because it tends to give me panic attacks. The last coffee I had was about 2 years ago...

I went up to the counter and saw a small, un-intimidating menu and picked the one called "Mocha" (rich, dark roast coffee with Bernard Callebout Chocolate melted into it) and order a vegetarian quiche. I took a seat in the swanky "living room" and waited, watching the interesting characters walk down busy 1st SW. When my steamy mug arrived (with a heart drawn in the foam) I was excited (not a good feeling to have before drinking coffee). I took a sip and my mouth was filled with a flood of bitter and sweet- delcious. It was defiantly coffee and it was defiantly good. Not too sweet and not to bitter- just right for a girl like me. I took a bit of my quiche and I melted with delight- delicious! I was beyond surprised at how much I enjoyed my experience- everything was amazing.

I went back the next day, after work. This time I took Laura with me, in stead of coffee I had a buttery white wine (yes, they serve wine, coffee, beer and tea... only the best!) with an equally buttery coconut shortbread cookie- I was in heaven.

I don't think I'll take up drinking coffee anytime soon but if I do I will drink it from Deville. I may however start taking up wine and cookies to go along with my people watching!

#20 is completed

You Can Call Me Trudy

Like most people, I have an aunt... a few aunts to be honest (I think it's the most "normal" thing about me! Kidding... sort of *smile*) but one aunt in particular I've only met a few times in my life. Aunt Trudy. The first time was when I was 7 years old, my family and I flew out to New York to attend my cousins wedding. It was a week of firsts for me, first time traveling out of Canada, the first time seeing the Statue of Liberty, first time eating a NY style street pretzel, the first time I saw pink vomit and the first time I lost a tooth.

I had been wiggling it with my tongue for weeks; back and forth and back and forth- it was basically dangling from some type of invisable, magical string in my mouth. I was scared of it because I remember one girl in school who had lost her tooth, she bled. There was a lot of blood and honestly it kind of grossed me out. I was scared to let go of that tooth but I just couldn't avoid playing with it with my tongue.

It was the night of my cousins engagement party and there were (what felt like to me at the time) hundreds of people scattered about my Aunt and Uncles house. I was wandering around looking for someone to play with all the while wiggling my tooth back and forth and back and forth... then all of the sudden *POP!* out came my tooth! I was shocked! I instantly felt around my mouth with my tongue and felt a new little hole where there use to be a tooth- and no blood! Aunt Trudy who had taken quite and interest in me and my tooth while I was there was the first person I thought of to share this exciting news! For me, this was my first major achievement! Running over to her I told her what had happened between shrieks and giggles, she picked me up and swung me around as she shared in my moment of joy. Taking me into the kitchen she grabbed me a small and large Ziploc bag- one for my tooth (the small one) and one for money (the big one.). To this day, I don't know how I had the guts to do this- she told me that I was expected to go around to every guest at the party and ask for money because I'd lost my first tooth and that was a "big deal". As I think back I'm actually a bit embarrassed that I had the gull to do this- but confident as your typical 7 year old and high off the excitement of becoming a woman (I felt very mature with my newly acquired Jack-o-lantern smile)I mooched off every guest there!

I don't remember how much money I collected but it seemed like millions at the time. In a world where I had often felt invisible Aunt Trudy had given me a moment in which I felt like I mattered. It sticks out for me and I remember how special I had felt. Since then I have only seen her 2 other times- once when my grandfather passed away and another time when she and my uncle came up to Calgary to visit. She had always seemed full of life, a vivacious woman who drank martini's, smoked cigarettes and tanned her body a golden brown. Unlike the other adults in my life she paid special attention to me, making it OK to be loud and messy (which I might add now I've fully embarrassed now.). Making it comfortable to be a child.

It wasn't until the last year that I've actually reconnected with my Aunt Trudy. Life got busy and between the distance and everything else life just sort of marched a long. It wasn't until I got an email from my mum did I know that Trudy was sick with cancer. From that point forward it's been important to me to stay connected with my aunt and uncle. A few weeks ago the doctors told my Uncle that Trudy only had a few weeks to a few months left to live. The cancer had taken over her body despite the aggressive chemo therapy she's undergone. I'm not really sure what else to do except be there for her and my uncle.

It's a rather uncomfortable feeling wanting to do something but not knowing where to begin.

Picture borrowed from Squid Angel

The People Across The Way

There is an apartment across the way that houses 4 cats and a young couple. I image that the cats are the woman's and the guy just became step daddy to them. They are in their mid 30's with a certain bohemian air to them. They spend lazy afternoons lofting on their west facing balcony as 3 of the 4 cats gracefully walk along the railing. I'm always so impressed by this, first because they can balance so well and second "mum" doesn't flip out. She must still believe that cats have 9 lives and always land on their feet.

This couple exudes a earthy charm with their longish hair and bare feet. They drink their beer out of the bottle and even from here I can see that they love each other very much. I like that. I'm not a gushy, mushy kind of girl... but I like affection. I like to see people walking down the street holding hand. A kiss goodbye and even a private make-out in a dim doorway along 17 ave. It doesn't have to be dirty but I just like seeing people in love. I feel good seeing other people in that glow- though I must admit people in Walmart were a bit off tonight. Numerous amounts of couples were clinging to each other in almost every aisle I went up- as though they might loose them selves amongst the strange plastic smell.

Even now- he sits outside in the sunset reading his book. I can't see her- she somewhere in the apartment I guess. It reminds me of comfortable summer times much like that, sitting in the back garden with a book in hand, listening to the noises and enjoying the moment. Hearing footsteps shuffle across the hardwood floor and knowing that there was someone in there that loves me.

There is a certain completion that comes with being loved by another. Yes, of course I love myself deeply and relish the time that I spend by myself. But being able to go home and share that with a person is vital to being human. Relating and connecting...

I don't really know what I am trying to get at here, I just walked into the living with my book to read before bed and I caught a glimpse of the guy across the way book in hand. Inspiration and yearning came forward for me and so I decided to write about it. Just as simple as that.

That and I'm really not a creep- I enjoy all the people (as long as they stay remotely quiet past midnight) in my neighbourhood. It's one of the joys of living centrally. Plus I don't even need to own a car.

The Unexplained Broken Heart

I don't understand why it is that I feel as though I have a broken heart. Everything in my life points to it not being this way but I can't always ignore that dull weight that holds me back every so often. Perhaps it's a sign that I've outgrown what I have now.

"Where do you go with your broken heart in tow?
What do with the left
over you?
How do you know when to let go,
where does the good
go?"
Tegan and Sara

-Where Does the Good
Go

The Secret Is Out

*whispers* I don't want to say this too loud but I think spring has finally sprung though I don't want to get my hopes up. It seems to be the trend this year for snow to pop up out of no where for no apparent reason.

See article from the Calgary Herald last week:
Spring, Calgary Style.

Though living in Calgary my whole life I've come to accept that each month is peppered with it's uncharacteristically seasonal weather. Warm winds blowing over the mountains in the middle of January causing a mid winter thaw. A good example of that would be the 1988 Olympics- we had such warm weather for them that the Bobsled run was melting mid day.

I've also seen snow all the way up into June (that really makes the farmers cross.)

Regardless, these unpredictable weather patterns are a part of living in Calgary. I've heard that people who live in places where the weather fluctuated like this are friendlier. I think it's because we always have something like the weather to talk about with people waiting in line at Starbucks.

It was close to +20 degree's yesterday and so I decided that I would go for a walk around my neighbourhood (oh damn, I'm doing laundry and it's ready... HOLD ON!), the sights, sounds and smells had "spring" written all over them.

• Strapy sandals on soon to be tanned feet...
• busy, crowded patios of pubs full of laughter and yelling...
• the smell of a freshly painted something...
• the sight of Ferrari's, Lamborghini's as well as other sports cars trawling up and down the avenue.

Delightful!

I keep waiting for the trees to bloom though... cherry, apple and lilac trees spring open with softly colored fragrant flowers.

Mmmm my favorite...