Change Not Coins

 

 

 

 

There are events that occur in our lives that make no sense and we ask ourselves in the morning and we brush our teeth "what has this happened to me?"

 

There are events that occur in our lives that make all those little nonsensical things make sense finally, many months or even years later.

 

This has been one of those times, one of those events. Actually a collection of events that just flipped my life upside down like I try to do so carefully on my own.

 

I lost my job. I lost my love life. I felt kind of lost. The beauty of it was the boy happened a few days before the job so the job loss over shadowed everything. Plus, I have SUCH an amazing network of friends that I didn't have a chance to even question myself. This all happened two weeks ago and in some weird, wonderful way... life has picked me up and dusted me off so carefully, I almost might believe that there is a higher power.

 

Everything suddenly makes sense again. This is what usually happens in October. Things of uncertainty come to closure for the winter.

 

I have a new job starting next week, it's something I have wanted to try for many years so I'm excited to begin. The company is different from my last and I'm really looking forward to new challenges and lessons.

 

And as for my love life, I'm not worried about that right now. I'm trying new things, saying yes to situations I normally wouldn't and just allowing for different to come into my life. It's nice to have this moment of satisfaction because i know that soon, things will start to get challenging in one way or another so I'm not ready yet but... I will be. Things just happen as they should and I am so grateful for everyone who has been so supportive through everything.

 

I have been selfish and at times weird. I took a week and didn't want to socialise (not like me), I flaked out on plans and just listened to my gut. And as it does, it changed and the adventures started to filter through. So many beautiful, happy memories have come from these few weeks.

 

And for the first time I honestly believe I deserve all of this. I am confident that I will do my best at my new job, I have a heavy track record of it... I know I am capable of doing my best. I also believe that I deserve all these amazing people in my life, I am touched by their love and compassion... and I would do anything for them and they have proven they would do the same.

 

LOVE!!! xxoo

Letting Go

Letting go is hard. I think all of us at one point or another have had the awful exercise of having to let go and/or being let go of. We all need it, to condition us to understand that nothing is ever "always"; forever. Everything in life is temporary.

A few years ago, I watched Eat Pray Love.. actually it was December 31st 2010. I watched the movie before getting ready to go out for New Years. It changed my life... since then I have watched it more than any other movie. Just last week I watched it twice on Tuesday. I only watch the middle; I only watch the good stuff.

Those who know me well in my life are aware of how I have learned in the last few years about letting go. How relationships have changed, and people have changed, how I have changed and the things around me. I have watched it affect those around me, some are able to glide over it with ease and acceptance. Other get stuck; struggling and learning how to process the whole situation until they discover for themselves what works for them.

Over the last year, I think back to one moment in Eat Pray Love about letting go. It fits. It's been advice I've given to people and it's been advice I've received, It's just written in a way that just fits for more than just me. Not just within relationships (both romantic and non-romantic), but also with situations and experiences. It can be our health, our jobs-- anything that surrenders us to grief and mourning.

The author is in an Ashram in India – a place where she went to meditate and find herself through Yoga, and is having a particularly difficult time that day. She has made a friend there, Richard from Texas, and right now they are at the dinner table together, talking.

(my *one* thought is in parenthesise)

“What’s got you all wadded up?” he drawls, toothpick in mouth, as usual.

“Don’t ask” I say, but then I start talking and tell him every bit of it, concluding with, “And worst of all, I can’t stop obsessing over David. I thought I was over him, but it’s all coming up again.”

He says, “Give it another six months, you’ll feel better.”

“I’ve already given it twelve months, Richard.”

“Then give it six more. Just keep throwin’ six months at it till it goes away. Stuff like this takes time.”

I exhale hotly though my nose, bull-like.

“Groceries [he calls her Groceries, how AWESOME is that?!],” Richard says, “listen to me. Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it – in a beautiful place of worship, surrounded by grace. Take this time, every minute of it. Let things work themselves out here in India.”

“But I really loved him.”

“Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don’t you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that’s just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That’s just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries – you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny. Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.”

“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”

“But I love him.”

“So love him.”

“But I miss him.”

“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll be really alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

“But I wish me and David could —“

He cuts me off. “See, now that’s your problem. You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.”

AMEN.

Eat, Pray, Love (by Elizabeth Gilbert)



Nothing is real until you let go completly.

 **

Related post from July 2011
Dolce far Niente

It's Better to be Attractive then Pretty

When I turned 30 I felt like my life was over. It's true and silly. If you have been a patient reader of mine for the last few years, you know at least a little.

I came to realise though that I had put too much value in my looks, and not to say that I am/was any type of a looker, but I do/did get attention and feedback that brought me to the understanding that there was something to fuss about. At least for a short while. I think I still pretty much look the same, maybe better. I have heard that as a woman, we reach the peak of our physical beauty at 38... I disagree and reading this blog post from Privilege has validated that for me.  Again.

To me, it's not about what you look like, it's about what you are, inside. As a woman, as a human, as partner, etc. Being that I had put value on my looks and my body, when I started to see that slip away from me in the hours I spent obsessing in the mirror over this line or that, I started to let myself slip in away. I started to loose sight of myself and I had no idea what my values were or what I wanted or even really, who I was.

But I know better now. I am SO much stronger then I once was and I have so many more rewards in my life as a result. I understand now what it is to be me. And I am usually happy with that. I really just wanted to bring a little attention for myself, yet another post about growing older and growing up. One of the BFF's is going through the mental game of turning 30 this year and I see the same anxieties that hit me, hitting her. I just keep telling her that she will come out the otherside a whole new woman with a whole new sense of fearlessness. And she beleives me. One of my blogging friends said to me in one of my posts about turning 30 a few years ago, she said "Happy Birthday Blanche! These days one's thirties are when the biggest changes occur. Cool - I envy you." and just hearing that changed everything for me. I'm sure she has no idea how much that flipped my perspective around, but it did. She really is a Clever Pup. *wink

I'm settled now and hardly worry about what it is that I look like. I pay attention to things but it's not the main motivation in my life. My main motivation now is just living, challanging and enjoying.. the rest will come. And I must appreciate each day, which I do.

(sorry, the spell check isn't working on this post... I'm not going to worry about it past this point. Even if I do use it I'm sure my spelling isn't all that great either.)

[picture credits for googling "coming into my own"]

Looking for Words

Yesterday my BFF got married and I am lost for words. I haven't been able to really share my thoughts with her, how I happy I am to see her this fulfilled. I just have a warmth in my heart and happy tears in my eyes. It's simple. But that's just how we are, nothing has ever been that complicated between us so why should this?

Over the last year, as I have re posted before, I have written a few posts about this love and her journey to getting to this point.

LB has been in my life since 1997, as the sister of my high school sweetheart we became close by default. Then when things started to change and I entered adulthood, Laura stayed by my side. Through all of it. Evey broken heart, panic attack, concert and upset tummy. She was my emotional support when I didn't trust anyone else in my life. She supported me through everything and called me out when I needed to be.

And now she has the love of her person by her side. A new family, a new role and her own new life.

Watching her through the events of the day I could finally see how complete this had made her.

I've always said that she is more than a friend to me, she is a sister by choice.

I have so much heart where LB and C are concerned though I've always been some what vauge and criptic about it. Out of respcet for thier privacy. There stories aren't really mine to tell, but I can share how they've change and inspired my life.

Here is a part of that journey:

Truths

My Best Friends Happiness

Inspiring Love

and I'm sure there will be more as I am countinually touched in my life by her and her own "forever family"

Adventure

Last night over spaghetti and meat balls, I talked about travel . I can talk about life, love, travel and food till the cows come how and dinner is ready to be cleared. I feel rather sad for Mr.SL who just had to listen. I decided yesterday that I need to take a trip on my own. I have decided this a few times and I kind of toy with the idea in my mind but really.. it feels like my life if just waiting for me to do this.

I need this.

I am looking for my sign, on where to go. My heart keeps saying Italy and my mum keeps saying no. It's not safe. I think it is. It is, isn't it? For a solo woman to travel...? It's safe? Right?

I want a place where there are no safety nets. I want a place that is going to challenge me but not completely freak me out. I just want to go. I want to go, experience and come back. This has to be done. I just need to buy a ticket and go.

There is far to much in this world to see, I need to start chipping away at it now. I can't wait for people... I can't wait for anyone. I have the means now to do it. I need to do something.

Then I saw this post on my favorite blog:

Italy Tips and I wonder if this is my sign?

I'm not sure what kind of questions I need to ask myself. Maybe I have to ask myself "what it is that I want to see?" "What is it that I want to experience?"...

Where do you think a good place would be for a solo female traveler to go?

Strawberry Jam Came Home

last night I brought my baby home. I call her Strawberry Jam. She's an Art & Lutherie and she's a spruce Burgundy with built in electronics. I didn't buy her myself. She's a collection of effort and love from some of the most important people in my life.

My parents, my sister, two of my BFF's Laura and Reena and Mr. SL.

This guitar makes my heart sing, just like they do. What could be more special then that?

It's been a year long trek. A year of woes, joys and other such adventures. I always turned back to my guitar though and so it was time to buy one for real. She's big, but I can handle her. She's rich and soulful.

She's a ginger too.

Welcome to the family, Strawberry Jam-- big red.

How to be Interesting

I wrote a post a few years ago when I started to realise that it was more important to be interesting then to be pretty. That the value of the relationships that revolved around being interesting and involved were much more satisfying then those that revolved around being attractive.

I am now officially 32 years old. I am pretty comfortable in my skin and more importantly, I am excited for life. I have a few armfuls of experience under my belt and I feel like I'm just getting started. I don't watch TV at all anymore, I"m not really sure why I did before. I don't even really watch movies.

I cook. I play guitar. I create. I go on adventures and I spend time with friends. I also think, I spent time thinking and figuring.

I came across this article from Forbes about How To Be More Interesting, I think it's great. What do you think?

My mission statement this year is Adventure and Fearlessness. At least it is for now, so lets get her done and become a little more interesting.

Kids

I have never thought about kids. Well, I have thought about kids. I've thought about how I am not ready for them, how the man I am with at the time wouldn't be the kind of father I would want to give them. I have thought about what it might do to my body and how morning sickness would be scary and how expensive they are and how this world is such a shallow place and how I don't want to bring a child up in it.

And then that started to change. My taste in men changed, my taste in priorities changed and my idea of this big bad world changed. I'm not sure when it hit me, but it did. Slowly... last month I realised I wanted a boy if I could choose. I would want more then one child and just this very moment I realised... I want children.

I believe that I can choose a partner who will be a good father and a good husband. I believe that marriage isn't an old fashioned belief. I believe that I can be a good mother and bring up children who add to the world. I have never felt this way in my life, ever. I'm not worried about getting older or any of that. It will happen if it's meant to happen. I have to get to the place first where I actually feel comfortable having a child. I, in now way, could be a single mother. I need a partner to do this. I have so much respect for women who are everything to their child, and I could do it if I didn't have a choice however, knowing what I do about myself. I am work better in a team. I need someone to support and to support me.

It's weird for me to admit this. I've never really talked about this with such conviction and certainty. In a way, I feel uncomfortable being so honest about this. I imagine that this might change again, that it might waffle away but I am stuck by the fact that it is so confident in my mind. and it has nothing to do with that ticking time bomb people always refer too. It has to do with an actual desire to shape a person or two who will look after this world after I leave. I believe that I can make good little humans to help make this good little world of ours even better.

**

This is my off week of the month. Usually PMS makes me sad, even depressed. I often have really bad digestive issues and migraine. I have none of that right now, right now.. I want kids. Man oh man, I'm glad this doesn't post on Facebook anymore because I am sure this would scare any prospective man. Thankfully, CW is the only real life person I know who reads this anymore and i don't even know if he reads my ramblings.

30 Things

1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally. 
2.  Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run. 
3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there. Read The Road Less Traveled. 
4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter. If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself. Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most. 
5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. 
6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now. 
7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet. 
8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will. 
9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have. 
10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too. Read Stumbling on Happiness. 
11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win. 
12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow. 
13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them. 
14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever. 
15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be. Aim to break your own personal records. 
16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you. 
17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t. 
18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life. 
19. Start helping those around you. – Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth. 
20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right. 
21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – Slow down. Breath. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals. 
22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life. 
23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’ One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect. 
24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen. Get out there and DO something! The harder you work the luckier you will become. While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it. By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. 
25. Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again. 
26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence. 
27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of. 
28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now. 
29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it. The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on. Read The How of Happiness. 
30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have. 

: thanks for sharing

found this post and picture HERE

Banning Fake

A Lancôme print ad featuring Julia Roberts has been banned in Britain after MP Jo Swinson filed a complaint with U.K.’s Advertising Standards Authority, calling it “misleading” because “the flawless skin in the image was the result of digital manipulation, not the product.” The ASA upheld Swinson’s complaint, stating the ad was “not representative of the results the products could achieve” because it had been airbrushed. The ad was found to have breached advertising standards codes 3.1 (Misleading advertising) and 3.11 (Exaggeration). Lancôme admitted the image had been altered using “a soft focus and lower resolution,” but stated in their defense that Julia, 43, is famous for her “naturally healthy and glowing skin.” The ASA requested a copy of the original photo in order to compare it to the one in the ad, but they were denied, as Roberts has a clause in her contract that doesn’t allow the release of untouched photos. The ASA ruled: “On the basis of the evidence we had received, we could not conclude that the ad image accurately illustrated what effect the product could achieve, and that the image had not been exaggerated by digital post-production techniques. We therefore concluded the ad was misleading."

 

6 Month Check-In 2011

I created an outline at the beginning of 2011. I usually do this around my birthday, I can't help it. My mind just wants to evaluate my life progress but this year, it happened right at the start of the year. I'm moving into my 6 month review of those "goals" i created.

The biggest thing was maintaining the growth I was working on with myself. In 2010 I was finding that in classes and learned activities however in 2011 I am finding that on a much deeper level. It can't be manipulated or forced as I am finding it in the evolution of my relationships. I have had to learn to let go of a lot of those connections. Some of them were easier then others. I've also been enjoying the growth of a relationship that has quickly come to mean a lot to me. I've been stretching my vulnerability and therefore opening myself up for the potential of failure and more importantly... success.

Travel has been slowly occurring, though the steps have been small, right now, I am getting there. In my mind I see everything picking up speed a little later on. It's nice having someone in my life who makes things happen quicker than I do. I'm so used to being the one who makes all the choices and plans and for once, I'm not. I have someone who meets me half way and creates the opportunities for me to grasp onto.

As I start to settle down into a new routine of sleep and relating I am aware that I am starting to make plans. I have a goal to create my own business. Just a small one funded by my own dollars. It's so obtainable that I can taste it. I just need to decide on my direction. With some further focus I think I'll be able to start something. What I have to remind myself is that the first try doesn't need to be perfect. I just need to get my foot wet and go from there. I get stuck on the perfection and details and for once I need to have faith and just do. Obviously not with complete ignorance but I don't need to have every detail hashed out. I'm not going to loose much so lets just jump in and do it!

I am also aware that my job needs to change. I've been hanging in there in attempts to reclaim that sense of satisfaction I used to get from it. It's lost though so I am asking myself questions like "What do I want to do next" "Do I want to stay in the industry?" "What options do I have?"and see where that leads me. I'm keeping myself open to change by talking to different people and checking jobs. Researching companies I might be interested in working for. Its less about what I do and more about who I work for. A company can do so much to a career. I'm always open to changes... I think about the goals I have and how I can use my work to help me achieve them further like should I try to find a job with West Jet? I'm also searching for something that might be that one job that I keep for the rest of my life. Or at least the field. Art Therapy for Children? Dietitian? Social Worker? Geologist? Civil Engineer? Life Coach? Magazine Editor and Founder? Some of these things I can't see myself staying in school for that long but as I have done with most other jobs I start at the bottom and work my way up. Taking advantage of training and experience.

I'm proud to say that most of the fears that ruled my life last year have pretty much disappeared over the last 5 months. The OCD is 96.5% gone- just POOF! Gone. I am still amazed at how authentically I'm functioning. I don't have the created distractions anymore, really... my biggest distraction right now is my heart and that's a good thing. It's healthy. I can tell though I get a little overwhelmed at times with how much capacity I have for feelings towards another person who isn't just a friend but I'm not that scared anymore. I've even abolished that careful nature I tend to exhibit.

I'm still working on the guitar and slowly see an improvement in my playing skills. I practice about 3 or 4 times a week. I don't want to lose those callouses I worked so hard on! I'm also working on my baking, not to the degree that I wanted so I'm going to have to kick that up a notch. I have ideas and plan to jump into some creativity in the next little while. I've been jumping on opportunities as I see them, even if I have no business applying. If want to try something, I put myself out there and see what happens. It's like a lottery, you won't know unless you play. I've been writing and that's hasn't changed. I don't have any direction for it right now but I enjoy it and it helps me work though my thoughts so that's a benefit. I have dissolved most of my photography to my iPhone. Last year, I did all that work cataloguing and listing all the different plants I noticed through spring and summer. I'm not looking to dedicate myself to something like that with pictures this year. Right now, it's just about playing and capturing moments or thoughts. Momentary inspirations. I've been working really hard on myself, personally. I want to give myself a little slack and learn to practice a little more self acceptance. It's been hard but I'm dedicated. I am very aware that I see myself though very critical lenses and that has to stop. Last but not least, I need to figure out a way to help people. More than what I do but actually dedicate an activity to someone or someones. I don't know what I have to offer. I've run personal development courses before with other instructors but I wouldn't know where to start with that. This isn't for money this is me trying to find a way to help something. I think that will come in time but it's something that I have in my head.

This is where life is so far. I think it's right on track and I'm so happy with where things are right now. I have lots of things coming up and lots of things to work on and discover. It's always exciting and it's extra exciting having a strong support system in my relationship.

With that note, I'm going to sign off for the night and watch some bad TV (that's right... somethings shouldn't change) and then read the rest of my book(s). I'm working on two right now. That's actually a pretty decent size. I'm used to reading 4 or 5 books at the same time. Not recommended.

How does your life look so far this year? Is it on track? Has the track changed?

on edit:
I have two goals left that I always forget to write down. I need to have a dinner party and I want to get over this driving thing. I'd like to achive both of those in the next year. Not a big deal... at all.

Tell Me What You Know About Maui

Venice Falls, Maui

I'm embarking on an adventure next month to Maui, Hawaii with JP. I've never been before and I'm so excited. Even as the days are getting warmer here in Calgary and every day I see more and more green... there still isn't an ocean. There aren't palm trees and I can't get lei as soon as I get off the plane.

Maui... I'm excited. I want to go hiking. I want to see a volcano. I want to be overwhelmed with natural beauty and good food. I want to come back smelling like coconuts and pineapple. I want to gain 10 lbs from eating too much seafood and macadamia nuts.

So tell me, I'm sure a lot of you have been... what do I need to do? Where do I need to stay? What do I need to eat? What must I keep in mind when going to this tropical mecca?

thing to do...

what a hoot!

I have this little list of things I want to do in the next little while. Some of them big some of them small. Some of them have no meaning at all and some of them have the most meaning of all. But it's just a list and things can change but right now, here are some stops in my life I would like to make:

• get my scuba diving certification
• start my own NGO &/or help a community/person/something in need.
• ride on an elephant
• start a business that I feel passionate about
• create happiness for others or help them find it
• learn another languge
• see the cherry blossoms in Japan
• ride a camel
• go to Iceland
• learning something new almost everyday (Ryan, where is that blog!)
• go to Rio Carnaval
• build a tree house
• see the salt flats in Bolivia
• go to Peru
• travel europe (it's easier just to say this rather than list everything I want to do there)
• take a cooking or pastery class in france
• wolf watching and dog sleading
• see Burning Man
• go to New Orleans
• see the wheat feilds in Saskatewan before they are harvested
• write a book and publish it myself
• go to a World Cup game
• see Joni Mitchel play
• go on a modern day treasure or scavanger hunt ( I need a Gremlin watch for this I think)
• climb a Mount Kilimanjaro
• see a volcano
• keep learning the guitar and one day learn to play The Rain Song
• see the jungle- go to Costa Ricca
• skate the cannals in Holland and eat giant meat balls covered in gravy
• go on a hot air balloon ride/ adventure
• ride the Canadian Mountianeer
• see the desert
• zip-line
• take pictures all along the way
• settle down and have a family- whatever that may look like (me and a partner. me and a partner and a pet. me and a partner and a pet and kids).

that's it for now, I don't want to seem too idealistic but these are the things I'd like to do in the next little while.

Do you have a little list of things you'd like to experience and do?

Super Trampy? Super Lucky!

From now on...

I totally screamed when I went through my emails after lunch. Click, click, click- delete... read, sort Live Nation: Presale Code for Supertramp in Calgary and Edmonton...

wait a second...

Live Nation?

Supertramp?

Calgary? Presale Code?

OH MY GOD!

Supertramp... one of the last bands I have left on my bucket list of "greats" that I am able to see (no dead, not crazy and totally still playing music). The last time they were in town no one would go with me- this year, things are different. I have someone wonderful in my life who LOVES to do the same kind of things I love to do. It's magical, but that isn't what this post is about- this post is about SUPERTRAMP! In Calgary.

I've been called an old soul for much of my young life, though talking to me you wouldn't think so. I'm silly, playful and naive at times. But, I guess a lot of my thoughts and ways of seeing things were beyond my years and along with that also came a taste for music from before I was born. Good, gritty, classic rock- I love it. I should have been born in the 60's but I wasn't, I was born in the 80's.

I'm not really sure when I started to fall for Supertramp. I am pretty sure it was just after my ABBA phase, I had bought Crime of the Century and moved into Even in the Quietest Moments  and then into Breakfast in America. I was in love.

The song that I can play the best on the guitar is the simple little tune Surly from Supertramps self titled debut album. It's the first track and I've always loved it's simplicity.

Downstream comes from the album Even in the Quietest Moments which is by far, one of the most recognized Supertramp albums ever (in my opinion)- it's a small album with some heavy tracks. The song is just beautiful with it's moody piano and poetic words. It is one of my favorite all time songs ever.

Another favorite is of course Even in the Quiestet Moments- this song proves that any song that starts off with birds is a good song.

and of course, there are so many high energy songs that.. well, I just can't wait. I have my calander set and my presale code ready and I am determinded to see them live! Even though Rodger Hodgson has since moved on (well, a long time ago to be honest but whatever). I don't care. So many songs... so many.

Downstream by Supertramp

Tickets go on sale for Calgary March 11th, there is a presale as well on Thursday- if you want the code let me know.

Show Info

Sore Little Fingers

ouch. it feels like burning.  

Tonight, I learnt how to play one of the most beautifully written songs on the guitar. It's butchered and raw; much like how my little fingers feel. But I have the melody down. This is the second song out of 5 that I was able to pluck my way though crudely tonight. It's all starting to take shape.

Slowly and with a little persistence I am starting to grasp the concept.

It's hard to type right now.

***

I was lost in the lakes

And the shape that your body makes
That your body makes


And the mountains said I could find you here
They whisper the snow and the leaves in my ear
I traced my finger along your trails
Your body was the map
I was lost in there


Floating over your rocky spine
The glaciers made you and now you're mine


I was moving across your frozen veneer
The sky was dark
But you were clear
Could you feel my footsteps?
And would you shatter, would you shatter?
Would you?


Your soft fingers between my claws
Like purity against resolve
I could tell then there that we were formed from the clay
And came from the rocks for earth to display


They told me to be careful up there
Where the wind rages through your hair



Great Lake Swimmers - Your Rocky Spine
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Top 40 Essential Canadian Novels of the Decade

Words for Thought

I am a CBC listener and lover. Over the last month CBC has asked Canadians to come forward and nominate the top Canadian books of the last decade.

Well, the response came in by the thousands and here is the top 40 list:

A Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews

Bottle Rocket Hearts by Zoe Whittall

Clara Callan by Richard B. Wright

Come, Thou Tortoise by Jessica Grant

Conceit by Mary Novik

Crow Lake by Mary Lawson

Drive-by Saviours by Chris Benjamin

Elle by Douglas Glover

Essex County by Jeff Lemire

Far to Go by Alison Pick

February by Lisa Moore

Galore by Michael Crummey

Heave by Christy Ann Conlin

Inside by Kenneth J. Harvey

Late Nights on Air by Elizabeth Hay

Life of Pi by Yann Martel

Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O'Neill

Moody Food by Ray Robertson

Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood

Pattern Recognition by William Gibson

Room by Emma Donoghue

Shelf Monkey by Corey Redekop

Skim by Mariko Tamaki and Jillian Tamaki

Sweetness in the Belly by Camilla Gibb

The Best Laid Plans by Terry Fallis

The Birth House by Ami McKay

The Bishop's Man by Linden MacIntyre

The Bone Cage by Angie Abdou

The Book of Negroes by Lawrence Hill

The Day the Falls Stood Still by Cathy Marie Buchanan

The Fallen by Stephen Finucan

The Girls Who Saw Everything by Sean Dixon

The Last Crossing by Guy Vanderhaeghe

The Stone Carvers by Jane Urquhart

The Way the Crow Flies by Ann-Marie MacDonald

The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood

Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden

Through Black Spruce by Joseph Boyden

Twenty-Six by Leo McKay Jr.

Unless by Carol Shields

Canada has spoken! We asked you for your nominations for the Top 40 Essential Canadian Novels of the Decade and did you ever answer.Canadians around the world sent in their suggestions through our recommendation form, email, Facebook and Twitter. We tallied up each and every vote. More than 6,000 nominations came in and you voted for 400 different novels of every genre: science fiction, mystery, romance, young adult and more. We couldn't be more thrilled with the result! But enough about how awesome Canadian book lovers are. Without further ado, here's the Top 40 list as chosen by you!

Cast your vote for your most essential novel below! Only one vote per person, so choose carefully. Over the next 10 days we'll be exploring the chosen novels in more detail, so check back to get the lowdown on all 40 contenders. The poll is open until midnight ET November 7, and we'll reveal the Top 10 list on November 9.

To cast your vote go to CBC Canada Reads

I've only ready a handful of the books listed above. I think I will dive in and pick another handful to bring into my reading list- Oh but which ones to pick?

Have you read any of the books on the list? If yes, which ones have you enjoyed? Which ones have you not enjoyed...

I definitely pick my books by their covers. Not all but many... I've often found myself pleasantly surprised. I am drawn to the following books:

• Skim by Mariko Tamaki and Jillian Tamaki
• Come, Thou Tortoise by Jessica Grant
• Moody Food by Ray Robertson (mostly for the mention of food)

So I think I will start there.

New Orleans

"it's the hotel you dream of discovering"

This year it has not been a secret that I have not taken any holidays. Sure, I've booked the odd day off work for this, that and the other but honestly, I have not traveled outside of the city since last year. Oh wait, that is a lie. I blocked out the traveling I've done for work. Sure, I had made plans. Initially I was hoping to move to New York city for about a month or so and live in an adorable brown stone in Greenwich Village but that ended up not working out because my traveling companion was a wee bit tardy at getting back to me. So, I have slowly dreamt up a master plan which I would love to execute in 2011.

I get close to a month off for holidays so I was thinking about spreading it out between 3 American cities.

1 week in San Francisco

1 week in New York City (even though my brother will no longer be there)

1 week in New Orleans

I am most excited about New Orleans because of  things such as the music, culture, history, food and the influence it has had on the rest of North America. It's different then any other place you might visit in the USA and NOTHING at all like Canada (though I guess you could compare it to the FAR east coast in the sense that it goes through life following the beat of it's own drum.). Since then I've found TV and volunteer program, movies and blogs devoted to the New Orleans experience. Most recently was my GOOP newsletter.

I'm dreaming about Crawfish, Beignets, ground roasted chicory coffee (yes, coffee), sweet tea, Hushpuppies and Gumbo. Mmmmm...

Ideally, it appears that one of the best places to stay in the French Quarter as called the Soniat House. Apparently it's not haunted (which is a good thing if I believed in that kind of stuff- though I do love a good ghost story), it smells like Jasmine and they serve the BEST BISCUITS which are delivered in a basket with a hot stone underneath, and a side of strawberry jam. Nom-nom-nom.

As well, I am sure that there are other wonderful places to stay too- this one just perked my interest.

I'm excited! Not sure when I should go- being that I am of somewhat of a a tame personality that doesn't drink much I would love to go to Mardi Gras but wonder if it's just a bit too much party for me as a first experience. Everything is a party in New Orleans so I'm sure I won't miss out even if I plan a trip for the middle of June.

So have you ever been to New Orleans? If yes, any words of the wise?

School Starts Tomorrow

I am here- Later.

Tomorrow I start my first class at the University of Calgary. *gulp* I'm actually pretty excited even though the though of it makes me a little woozy and spinney. As I've expressed before, I would rather be going in the direction of a registered dietitian however:

A) I would have to upgrade my High School (not a big deal)

B) My work won't pay for it (Kind of a big deal- school is expensive!)

C) I'd have to move AND quit my job (BIG deal)

Ideally, I would love to dive in to that adventure but for now- it's not in the cards. This is what is in the cards and I'm okay with that because my work will pay for it, I don't have to quit my job or move and I don't have to worry about my High School (for now).

On Saturday I went down to campus and tried to get a feel for the lay of the land as well, visiting the U of C book store and gasping at the prices of textbooks - why SO freaking expensive? I couldn't find used or second hand books anywhere (I looked a few times prior to going down) so I got the mint-condition-shrink-wrapped-version for top dollar.

I have to confess, I would love to quit my middle class job and go to school full time, getting a degree in something exciting. So I can become a Geologist or a Scientist, an Engineer or a Santa.

Anything, anyone. Learning is addicting, I can't get enough of it. I'm excited, it feels like I'm getting the ball rolling again and causing doors to open and life to spread itself wide for me. One just never knows where even the smallest things in life can lead us.

Are you glad you went to school for what you did?

Would you like to go back and take something else?

WHY are textbooks so expensive?

What I Learnt In Dance Class

It makes no difference if you're black or white

If you're a boy or a girl

If the music's pumping it will give you new life

You're a superstar, yes, that's what you are, you know it

Beauty's where you find it

Not just where you bump and grind it

Soul is in the musical

That's where I feel so beautiful

Magical, life's a ball

So get up on the dance floor

So, my dance class adventure has come to a close- for now. I had a lot of fun, met some interesting people and learnt that it's not about being "the best" it's about having the most fun. Sounds like a cliche, I know but it's true. I'm not going to lie. I can move my body. I can wiggle,  pump my fists and flail with reckless abandonment. However following instruction- to a set beat- isn't my natural, all organic cup of tea. I get a little lost and a little flustered and the worst part is being that way when we are going two by two across the room with the rest of the class watching our every move.

It was then that I decided that I was not going to master the art of Funk Fusion in a night or 5 but I could master the art of having fun. So I did. I tried my best and every night I practice- still as awkward as the first time but I don't care. I'm still having fun even if it is just in the kitchen.

The first things we learnt were based on West African moves. There was a lot of getting down low, moving our booty and shimming. Just as I started to get that down we switched over to something I have never heard of before, Waaking and Voguing. Well snizzel wizzel if that wasn't right up my fierce, over dramatic alley.

Waacking:

The Waacking style of street dance can trace its roots back to gay and nightclub cultures. In the United States, at gay nightclubs, male performers dressed as women and performed to female songs on stage. Movements of the performers were so creative that it was only a matter of time before Waacking made its way into mainstream nightclubs, as a way of the dance floor and earned its approval amongst other sexualities, especially straight. Waacking is often wrongly considered a style of House Dance.

At the time Waacking was primarily a gay Black and Latino dance. Many people mistakenly believe that “Waacking” came from “Locking” because some of the movements are very similar. The Gay community is solely responsible for the creation of Waacking style of dance. Waacking and Locking do have some similarities but they are different dances.

A Waacking Battle

Voguing:

Vogue or "voguing" is a highly stylized, modern house dance, that evolved out of the Harlem ballroom dance scene. Vogue is characterized by model-like poses, inspired by Vogue (magazine), integrated with angular, linear and rigid arm, leg and body movements. The style of dance arose from Harlem ballrooms in the early 1930s. This dance style was originally called "performance" and evolved into the more intricate and illusory form that is now called "vogue".

Voguing has evolved since its beginning and continues to be developed further as an established dance form that is practiced in the gay ballroom scene and gay clubs in major cities throughout the United States—mainly New York, Atlanta, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., Miami, Detroit and Chicago.

Traditionally, Old Way Vouge rules dictated that one rival must "pin" another to "chop" (i.e. win the contest). Pinning involved the trapping of an opponent so that they could not execute any movements while the adversary was still in motion and voguing (usually voguing with the arms and hands, i.e. "hand performance", while the opponent was "pinned" against the floor during "floor exercises" or against a wall).

Voguing

The difference between “Waacking” and “Voguing” is “Waacking” became popular in the early 70’s on the West Coast. “Waacking” is mostly done to Disco Music. “Voguing” became popular in the late 70’s on the East Coast.”Voguing” is done to mostly House Music

Vouging vs. Waacking a simple sample put together in a pretty package

So ladies and gents, this is what I learnt at Dance Class. What do you think?