Values, Love and Relationship

I have come to understand over the last year how important values are in relationships of all types.Values, quite simply, are about what you believe you fundamentally need in order to live your life authentically and to be happy.

Your values are your own and whatever you’re prioritising in your life and swearing up and down that you need and can’t survive without, will tell you a lot about your mentality and your direction. Little do you realise that you may actually be taking yourself off course and busting your own boundaries in the process.

We have a tendency to do a few things that cause us to wind up in a lot of problems:


1) We get sidetracked by secondary values which are stuff like common interests, appearance and anything that is ‘nice to have’ but doesn’t really tell you a great deal about the person and when all is said and done, it won’t make a difference if primary ‘core’ values are not shared.

2) We make assumptions about what the existence of some values, qualities and characteristics mean and assume that other values that we desire are also present. I hear so many people say that they met someone who looked as they would like or was super intelligent or they had various common interests with, or they go to church / are the same religion and yet they don’t understand why they clash, have entirely different characters, or don’t want similar things. It’s like 2 + 2 + 1 = 100.

3) We ignore the vital feedback communicated from people’s actions and words and in fact tend to be blinded by our own values. “Well I do ______ and _____ and ______ is important to me so why aren’t they doing and being the same?”

Errrr because values are personal.

Your job isn’t to make someone have the same values as you; your job is to respect and live by your own values and find likeminded folk. We also persist in focusing on values that we think are important to us that are being met, yet completely ignore the fact that the problems we are experiencing are not only being caused by other values, but that they are also giving us feedback that communicates that we either don’t understand what’s important to us and are ignoring it to our detriment, or who we say we are and what we want is not true.

You have all sorts of values and together they are the sum of you.
You may never have truly given a great deal of thought to what these values are, but they are a mix of personal values (your character and personal code of ethics) along with stuff like economic, religious, sexual, religious, political, social, hobbies and interests, appearance etc. If you want to be happy in or out of a relationship, it’s time to heed your own values.

1. If you have some critical differences on the personal values front, it does not matter which other values you claim to share, your relationship isn’t going to work. A lot of people prioritise being in a relationship, companionship, getting laid etc, but I’ve yet to come across one person who is genuinely happy doing these things with someone who is for instance, a liar, cheat, abusive, and who doesn’t treat them with love, care, trust, and respect.

Personal values represent character and boundaries hence if you’re with someone whose character isn’t similar or at the very least compliments yours, you will bust your own boundaries by deviating greatly from your values while at the same time they will bust yours.

You will find that there are many differences that can be overcome when you respect the individuality of others as opposed to trying to make people be a clone of you and/or blaming yourself for why they’re not, however, boundary busting personal values is not one of them. And remember: If you go along with another person’s dodgy values, it is time to have an honest conversation with yourself about your own personal values.... Men who eye up underage girls, or who lie with the ease of drawing breath and yet they were still there. Come.On.Now.

2. Shared values engenders trust hence if you are experiencing trust issues, it’s an alarm alerting you to a difference in core values, likely on the personal values front, that’s behind the area of distrust. There’s either a very crucial difference in how you each conduct yourselves or there’s a very crucial difference in how you want to live or one, or both of you are trying to make the other take on the other person’s values.

Let me say it again – we trust people with whom we share core values. If you also want to understand why you keep getting into similar unhealthy relationships it’s because while you may profess certain values, you ‘trust’ in the feedback from that person possessing certain values that speak to your own pattern. Hence you may feel more trusting of someone who is shady and dodging a relationship, not because you’re truly ‘trusting’ them, but more because you trust that this relationship is ‘safe’, that you can seek validation, and that you can fulfil your self-fulfilling prophecy that speaks to your own beliefs about you, love, and relationships.

3. Look at what keeps coming back up and causing issues in a relationship – no matter what is being said, it tells you a hell of a lot about where there are incompatibilities with your values. This information will either tell you why your relationship isn’t going to work or is at the very least highlighting where you need to be focused. I’ve had so many people share stories (I've shared a lot of my own) about how they were with someone who was so attractive, sexy, shared common interests, kind to animals/children, mentioned back in 1983 that they might want to get married or that they’d like a relationship one day, they made them laugh and yada yada yada. This is all well and good but if this was what was the bread and butter of your relationship, you wouldn’t be experiencing major problems.

All this he said/she said and blowing smoke up people’s bums and pumping them up is a waste of your time because you’re looking at the wrong information. The net result of your relationship, the areas where you’re struggling – this is telling you where you don’t share values or where there’s certainly a miscommunication of them.

4. Be careful of the silent handshake in values. If you stick with someone who doesn’t share core values, they assume that you’re not serious about your own values and that you’re actually now sharing theirs. Of course you may be assuming the same thing. Do not ignore core differences that will take you away from being you and certainly don’t proceed on the assumption that they’re going to abandon their own. Love is not about having the power to change someone.

5. You are not looking for a clone of you. I know many couples who have different values but share core values where it counts. It means that it doesn’t matter what colour they are or religion or size or political party – when it comes down to how they each want to live their lives and how they want to treat one another, they are on the same page. Equally I know a lot of people who value certain things and so even if they had all of this in common, they wouldn’t be with someone who wasn’t the same religion, colour, political party etc. That’s their prerogative – these are their values to live by but never allow someone who is very rigid about these things to be with you (someone who doesn’t embody this value) and then use it as an excuse to mistreat you or not commit.


Moral of the story:
Someone may be great on illusionary paper, but it’s values that show who they are and whether your relationship can happen in reality.

THE END! xxoo

Getting Married

I have decided after looking at this picture...

I want to get married in a barn. I have a barn... it's more open then this but I might be able to fix that. Or it might be nice. Lay down some proper boards. Make sure there are lots of mini lights and there you have it, there's your wedding.

There is a little church near that barn of mine that I have always wanted to wed in or to make it even more efficient... just say the vows right at the reception.

Perfection!

Now, back to deciding on my perfect man for the job. So many to pick from...



picture borrowed from here

True Statements

Some of us don’t like the truth at the time when we hear it but ultimately appreciate the value of it when our ego’s have settled down.

All in all, remember. There isn't anything better then honesty. You are who you are, you've done what you've done and it's time you accept yourself and respect the other person.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Actually, no... I should also note that this isn't coming from any recent experience. It just kind of hit me and I thought I should post about it.

A Post Borrowed from Jo on Falling In Love with Steinbeck as your Father

I have completly cut and pasted this post from Cup of Jo becasue it is perfect in every way, in my eyes.

I just simply wanted to share it:



CUP of JO: On Falling in Love

Back in 1958, John Steinbeck, author of East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, and Of Mice and Men, got a letter from his teenage son Thom, in which Thom confessed that he had fallen desperately in love with a girl named Susan at his boarding school.

Steinbeck wrote this wise and wonderful letter back to him the same day...

New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love.

But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

(Via Letters of Note. the letter originally appeared in this book.)

picture credits

It's Better to be Attractive then Pretty

When I turned 30 I felt like my life was over. It's true and silly. If you have been a patient reader of mine for the last few years, you know at least a little.

I came to realise though that I had put too much value in my looks, and not to say that I am/was any type of a looker, but I do/did get attention and feedback that brought me to the understanding that there was something to fuss about. At least for a short while. I think I still pretty much look the same, maybe better. I have heard that as a woman, we reach the peak of our physical beauty at 38... I disagree and reading this blog post from Privilege has validated that for me.  Again.

To me, it's not about what you look like, it's about what you are, inside. As a woman, as a human, as partner, etc. Being that I had put value on my looks and my body, when I started to see that slip away from me in the hours I spent obsessing in the mirror over this line or that, I started to let myself slip in away. I started to loose sight of myself and I had no idea what my values were or what I wanted or even really, who I was.

But I know better now. I am SO much stronger then I once was and I have so many more rewards in my life as a result. I understand now what it is to be me. And I am usually happy with that. I really just wanted to bring a little attention for myself, yet another post about growing older and growing up. One of the BFF's is going through the mental game of turning 30 this year and I see the same anxieties that hit me, hitting her. I just keep telling her that she will come out the otherside a whole new woman with a whole new sense of fearlessness. And she beleives me. One of my blogging friends said to me in one of my posts about turning 30 a few years ago, she said "Happy Birthday Blanche! These days one's thirties are when the biggest changes occur. Cool - I envy you." and just hearing that changed everything for me. I'm sure she has no idea how much that flipped my perspective around, but it did. She really is a Clever Pup. *wink

I'm settled now and hardly worry about what it is that I look like. I pay attention to things but it's not the main motivation in my life. My main motivation now is just living, challanging and enjoying.. the rest will come. And I must appreciate each day, which I do.

(sorry, the spell check isn't working on this post... I'm not going to worry about it past this point. Even if I do use it I'm sure my spelling isn't all that great either.)

[picture credits for googling "coming into my own"]

Adult Night 3

SL and I at Adult Night 4 (my third one). Looking a little more
confident and playing with robots.

Adult Night

The first adult night at the new Science Centre. SL and I look lost
and amazed-- and I a little worried too.

Proposing with Pizza

If you were planning on popping the big question in less than a week on Valentine’s Day, Pizza Hut hopes you’ll turn to them after your significant other says yes for the fanciest engagement party Pizza Hut can provide. For just $10,010, the package comes with all the accoutrement's of an engagement party, including a ruby engagement ring, plus you can look back in fifty years and tell your children about the time Pizza Hut threw you an engagement party.

Along with the ruby engagement ring, Pizza Hut will provide limo service, a fireworks show, flowers, a photographer, a videographer, and a $10 Pizza Hut dinner box. The dinner box includes a medium one-topping rectangular pan pizza, five bread sticks with marinara sauce, and ten cinnamon sticks with a sweet icing cup. On top of the obviously posh engagement party, if the significant other accepts the proposal despite it being a Pizza Hut proposal, Pizza Hut is saying there is a chance to win a wedding at Pizza Hut headquarters. Pizza Hut-themed, of course.

Driving a hard bargain, Pizza Hut has only made 10 of these packages available, and they’re only available until Valentine’s Day of this year. However, there’s a disclaimer saying if the package has not been used by March 31, 2012, Pizza Hut will refund the total cost. Sorry, polygamists, there is only one package allowed per person.

Head on over to Pizza Hut’s deals page to check it out.

OH! and this one is only valid in the US

(Pizza Hut via Eater)

Squrriel

Friday night I went to Kananaskis with my BFF and the wedding party. We stayed at the lodge and basically played the day away well into the night. There was food, drinks and laughs. I laid on the floor for a good 3 hours in total with a belly so full I thought I was going to bust.

And then we needed candy. So we went to the store in the lobby of the lodge. A delicious tourist trap of sorts I was delighted by the tacky collection of... well... crap.

Wine glass in one hand and over priced crap in the other I enjoyed my saunter through the aisles. I bought $40 worth of candy and a Dino coin holder for SL with his name on the front. Drunk shopping at its finest.

a few hours later, my BFF and I decided to go to the games room and play ping pong. While there we came across $4.25 worth of change in the machines. Delighted we giggled in our new found riches and ran up to the tacky little shop in the lobby. I had seen the little fur animals the last time I was there but I was too distracted by "sam-a-sorus" to even consider buying one. I mean, I wasn't going to use my own money on that.

LB and I spent about 20 minutes going over each animal, looking at the price and doing simple math in our heads. We split the $4.25 so we each basically had $2.00 each to spend. LB picked Duck and Cow (both of which were $0.98) and I picked squirrel, who was $1.98

Meet Squirrel:

awwww.. it's so FLUFFY!!!

with in seconds of taking the picture above, something horrible happened. I patted Squirrel on the head and...

his nose fell off! :(

I was so sad.

So I tried to mend poor squirrel...

 Squirrel didn't like that because he could no longer see his nuts.

Relationships

This is something that my friend ZT believes in. It makes me laugh.

Designer Pancakes

I've been busy, too busy to blog but not to busy to quickly post about pancakes. It's Valentines Day... the weeks ahead of us are filled with things of red and pink, things of hearts, sugar and sappy sweet notes. If you have a special someone, make them breakfast in bed. What better way to make that even more special then by making designer pancakes?

Just saying...

Please often complain that they don't have anyone on Valentines Day and yes, it kind of sucks. However, most people should have someone they care about regardless of relationship status. So shower those people with a little love. Maybe it's Mum, or Dad, or your dog and cat.

I do to others what I wish one day someone will do for me. Of course, everyday is Valentines Day but I don't really care. It's nice to shower someone with love whether it be V-Day or not. Do it.

Floating Lantern Festival

Loy Kratong Floating Lantern in Chiang Mai - Thailand

I would love to see this. Or create it myself.

beautiful... and a little scary. But mostly beautiful.

November 28th,  2012

Egg-stra Special Messages

How fantastic is this little idea?

I have images of hollowed out eggs with special little messages dancing through my head.

This also reminded me of this post from Oh Happy Day! that I ADORE! Favorite creative blog EVER!

hint:

 to properly blow out an egg you need two holes. try to break the yolk with a toothpick and then put your lips of the top of the egg and blow. You should remove most of the gunk from the inside. Rinse, dry and then use.

Three Simple Things

Grow with me.

Respect me.

love me.

that is all I ask.

xxoo

Don't Call

Don't try and call me at work today because I won't answer. I'll be on the phone. Lots. And you can blame Hall and Oats for that!

Callin' Oats: The best emergency telephone line ever.

30 Things

1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally. 
2.  Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run. 
3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there. Read The Road Less Traveled. 
4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter. If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself. Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most. 
5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. 
6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now. 
7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet. 
8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will. 
9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have. 
10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too. Read Stumbling on Happiness. 
11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win. 
12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow. 
13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them. 
14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever. 
15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be. Aim to break your own personal records. 
16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you. 
17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t. 
18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life. 
19. Start helping those around you. – Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth. 
20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right. 
21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – Slow down. Breath. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals. 
22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life. 
23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’ One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect. 
24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen. Get out there and DO something! The harder you work the luckier you will become. While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it. By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. 
25. Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again. 
26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence. 
27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of. 
28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now. 
29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it. The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on. Read The How of Happiness. 
30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have. 

: thanks for sharing

found this post and picture HERE

How Drunk Can You Get at Your Office Party

Last weekend I had my annual office Christmas Party, it's an open bar crazy night of fun times. Some people get silly drunk and others keep it to themselves. We drive out to beautiful Banff and stay at one of the lovely hotels nestled in the mountains. The company pays for our night and our breakfast. It's wonderful, a great way to ensure that people feel respected as well as so no one drinks and drives.

This year, Reena came with me because I broke it off with my last love interest a few days before. Both of us were single girls ready to blow off a little steam. We laughed, we danced, we took silly pictures and... stayed sober the whole night. We are classy girls and classy girls don't need to get drunk to have fun. We kept it to a glass and a bit of wine over the whole night. I also did one shot, but that's me. Can't be all class.

There were some silly drunk though, some of the mild mannered people who usually keep to them selves went a little overboard and in a scene almost like Westside Story, there was a fight between our Christmas party and another. Nothing really happened, but it was silly... and all as a result of alcohol silliness at 3AM.

If you have any doubts as to how much to consume at your new office get together, please check the handy guide below.

borrowed from here!

12 Signs

Being that I have been through hell and back with matters of the heart (many of us have) and I can say with confidence that I am a better person because of it. I am the go to woman for break-ups and matter of the heart. Boys come to me, girls come to me... it's what I do. I'm a good friend and I have been through almost everything.

I had to deal with matters of my own heart last month and I did rather well. But, I was a little confused getting to that point. I use Google a lot to help me out. I found this list:

**

12 Signs You Should Break Up With Your Girlfriend or Boyfriend or Spouse

Breaking up is never easy (especially if it’s not your decision), but oftentimes it is necessary. Perhaps it’s a matter of growing apart or falling out of love. Perhaps one or both of you just aren’t into each other anymore. In extreme cases, perhaps the relationship has become emotionally and/or physically abusive, alternating between cold, sullen resentment and overt hostility.

People stay in unsatisfying and/or toxic relationships for a variety of reasons: fear of being alone, fear of change, the comfort of the familiar vs. the fear of the unknown, financial reasons, children, religious beliefs, etc. We tell ourselves it’s not that bad or things will get better as a reason (i.e., excuse) not to make a difficult, but positive change. Unhappiness in your primary relationship affects every area of your life—physical and mental health, career and other relationships.

Below are some strong signs that it’s time to end your current relationship:

1.    If you’ve been hurt physically.
Ignore excuses and apologies; if violence has surfaced, it will surface again. Get out at the very first strike. This goes for men, too. If your partner, pushes, kicks, shoves or slaps you and/or throw things at you; GET OUT. Physical violence isn’t acceptable from either sex.

2.    When you’re totally incompatible.
If your partner’s dream is to travel the road as a wandering musician and you’re a city person with ambitions, one or both of you will probably be unhappy if you stay together. Relationships have a better chance at being successful with people whom we share similar values and goals.

3.    When he or she isn’t even close to your fantasy.
You may be tempted to stay with someone just because they’re available and willing, but this is generally a bad idea. There should be some chemistry in order to have a successful future.

4.    When he or she just can’t say I love you.
Even if there’s chemistry, if someone can’t express their love for you with affectionate gestures, nurturing, and the words “I love you,” you’ll never really feel satisfied with them.

5.    When he or she just isn’t there for you.
If you’ve been together a while and can’t count on him or her to come get you if your car breaks down, or to attend family or work events, then you don’t have a solid relationship.

6.    When you’re afraid to express yourself.
Being in love should bring out the best in you. It should help you to be less self-conscious and make you more open and alive. If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time because your partner is emotionally volatile and verbally abusive, it’s probably a sign that this is not the right relationship for you.

7.    When your self-esteem is suffering.
If your relationship is demeaning, makes you feel bad about yourself, leaves you feeling like you’re not heard, and you’re getting more criticism than praise, then it’s time to end it. A good relationship makes you feel respected and loved, worthwhile and good about yourself.

8.    When he or she is a philanderer.
Serial philanderers usually have a pattern of behavior. If you discover your mate has that kind of history, don’t believe “never again.” The heartache and torment will never end.

9.    When he or she commits an unforgivable act.
There are single acts so horrid that they should mean the END. If he or she sleeps with your best friend, is disrespectful to your family, consistently criticizes and undermines you, stands you up at the altar, or commits murder, end the relationship with no second chances.

10.    When the same problems recur again and again.
Loving someone doesn’t always guarantee you can spend the rest of your lives together. If you’ve broken up and reunited and you’re still having the same fights, the same problems or different versions of the same problem, especially if you’ve tried relationship counseling, it’s probably best to end the relationship. Saying, “things will be better” and actually making things better by changing attitudes and behaviors aren’t the same thing. The former is lip service and mollification; the latter is growth.

11.    When he or she says, “I need some space.”
The relationship seems to have stalled and your partner says something like, “I want time,” or “I want space,” or “I think we should see other people,” or “I need to devote myself to my career.” Almost always, what he or she means is “I want out.” These things happen, don’t drag it out. You might say, “Sounds like you want to break up. I’m sorry you feel that way, but I understand. I hope we can remain friends.”

12.    When the relationship just doesn’t progress.
Relationships have a natural progression. If you’re not progressing and you can’t pinpoint the cause, you might want to try couple’s counseling. However, if he or she won’t go, or goes but doesn’t think there’s a problem or can’t see his or her role in the problem, and/or uses counseling to blame and trash you while exonerating him- or herself, the relationship is coming to an end.

by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

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When talking to a girlfriend of mine about her relationship, I realised she was having the same concerns as me. I told her how things were for me, what I did and then I sent her this list. This is a great list, in my opinion, of the boundaries and such that you should look for. When I first became an adult, I thought to myself that the worst that could ever happen would be to have a man hit me. I came to learn that there are other things that can occur in relationships that are just as bad as being harmed physically.

This day I have a strong sense of self, a good idea of what I'm looking for an I belive that I deserve my best and someone elses best. I am able to accept almost anything, so I have to find someone who won't abuse that. I find myself on a new path now, so we'll see where this ones goes.

Oh love, how I love thee.

Magnets

I found this:

Create your own magnets using Instagram

I'm almost tempted to get InstaGram just for this reason. WANT.

Ginger is Back

So my stylist broke up with me and moved to Costa Rica, I am now seeing someone else. A girl. I've never been with a girl before... It's a completely different experience and for now, I like it! My hair is red... Like RED! It's pretty and I've come to the conclusion that gingers have the most fun of them all.

Weeeee!!!!!