Change Not Coins

 

 

 

 

There are events that occur in our lives that make no sense and we ask ourselves in the morning and we brush our teeth "what has this happened to me?"

 

There are events that occur in our lives that make all those little nonsensical things make sense finally, many months or even years later.

 

This has been one of those times, one of those events. Actually a collection of events that just flipped my life upside down like I try to do so carefully on my own.

 

I lost my job. I lost my love life. I felt kind of lost. The beauty of it was the boy happened a few days before the job so the job loss over shadowed everything. Plus, I have SUCH an amazing network of friends that I didn't have a chance to even question myself. This all happened two weeks ago and in some weird, wonderful way... life has picked me up and dusted me off so carefully, I almost might believe that there is a higher power.

 

Everything suddenly makes sense again. This is what usually happens in October. Things of uncertainty come to closure for the winter.

 

I have a new job starting next week, it's something I have wanted to try for many years so I'm excited to begin. The company is different from my last and I'm really looking forward to new challenges and lessons.

 

And as for my love life, I'm not worried about that right now. I'm trying new things, saying yes to situations I normally wouldn't and just allowing for different to come into my life. It's nice to have this moment of satisfaction because i know that soon, things will start to get challenging in one way or another so I'm not ready yet but... I will be. Things just happen as they should and I am so grateful for everyone who has been so supportive through everything.

 

I have been selfish and at times weird. I took a week and didn't want to socialise (not like me), I flaked out on plans and just listened to my gut. And as it does, it changed and the adventures started to filter through. So many beautiful, happy memories have come from these few weeks.

 

And for the first time I honestly believe I deserve all of this. I am confident that I will do my best at my new job, I have a heavy track record of it... I know I am capable of doing my best. I also believe that I deserve all these amazing people in my life, I am touched by their love and compassion... and I would do anything for them and they have proven they would do the same.

 

LOVE!!! xxoo

What Women Notice First

I saw this ad:

(it made me laugh)

and it states that men notice boobs first on women and women notice hair on men. The more I think about it the more I can't remember for the life of me what I notice first on a man. I don't think it's his hair or his shoes or what he smells like... attraction doesn't happen until I spend time with the guy.

When I see a man I think the first thing I notice is his mouth and his eyes (side note, I just created a spread sheet of all the boys I've dated and what they look like-- conclusion is I don't have a type unless "glasses" are a type). Then maybe his chin but none of that matters until I've talked to a guy, then I'm either head over heels and down for the count or over it.

and as for boobs, I might agree that most men would notice boobs first for a few reason:

a) they are boobs and they have magical properties

b) as women, we tend to showcase them a little because we are aware of the magical properties which make men notice them even more. It's all good, men are usually pretty good and checking things out without getting caught.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, I just though the commercial was funny though somewhat general. The point was made that Axe now has shampoo and the type of man who would use it might also take pictures of Justin Beiber to their stylist to get a hair cut just like it.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

Values, Love and Relationship

I have come to understand over the last year how important values are in relationships of all types.Values, quite simply, are about what you believe you fundamentally need in order to live your life authentically and to be happy.

Your values are your own and whatever you’re prioritising in your life and swearing up and down that you need and can’t survive without, will tell you a lot about your mentality and your direction. Little do you realise that you may actually be taking yourself off course and busting your own boundaries in the process.

We have a tendency to do a few things that cause us to wind up in a lot of problems:


1) We get sidetracked by secondary values which are stuff like common interests, appearance and anything that is ‘nice to have’ but doesn’t really tell you a great deal about the person and when all is said and done, it won’t make a difference if primary ‘core’ values are not shared.

2) We make assumptions about what the existence of some values, qualities and characteristics mean and assume that other values that we desire are also present. I hear so many people say that they met someone who looked as they would like or was super intelligent or they had various common interests with, or they go to church / are the same religion and yet they don’t understand why they clash, have entirely different characters, or don’t want similar things. It’s like 2 + 2 + 1 = 100.

3) We ignore the vital feedback communicated from people’s actions and words and in fact tend to be blinded by our own values. “Well I do ______ and _____ and ______ is important to me so why aren’t they doing and being the same?”

Errrr because values are personal.

Your job isn’t to make someone have the same values as you; your job is to respect and live by your own values and find likeminded folk. We also persist in focusing on values that we think are important to us that are being met, yet completely ignore the fact that the problems we are experiencing are not only being caused by other values, but that they are also giving us feedback that communicates that we either don’t understand what’s important to us and are ignoring it to our detriment, or who we say we are and what we want is not true.

You have all sorts of values and together they are the sum of you.
You may never have truly given a great deal of thought to what these values are, but they are a mix of personal values (your character and personal code of ethics) along with stuff like economic, religious, sexual, religious, political, social, hobbies and interests, appearance etc. If you want to be happy in or out of a relationship, it’s time to heed your own values.

1. If you have some critical differences on the personal values front, it does not matter which other values you claim to share, your relationship isn’t going to work. A lot of people prioritise being in a relationship, companionship, getting laid etc, but I’ve yet to come across one person who is genuinely happy doing these things with someone who is for instance, a liar, cheat, abusive, and who doesn’t treat them with love, care, trust, and respect.

Personal values represent character and boundaries hence if you’re with someone whose character isn’t similar or at the very least compliments yours, you will bust your own boundaries by deviating greatly from your values while at the same time they will bust yours.

You will find that there are many differences that can be overcome when you respect the individuality of others as opposed to trying to make people be a clone of you and/or blaming yourself for why they’re not, however, boundary busting personal values is not one of them. And remember: If you go along with another person’s dodgy values, it is time to have an honest conversation with yourself about your own personal values.... Men who eye up underage girls, or who lie with the ease of drawing breath and yet they were still there. Come.On.Now.

2. Shared values engenders trust hence if you are experiencing trust issues, it’s an alarm alerting you to a difference in core values, likely on the personal values front, that’s behind the area of distrust. There’s either a very crucial difference in how you each conduct yourselves or there’s a very crucial difference in how you want to live or one, or both of you are trying to make the other take on the other person’s values.

Let me say it again – we trust people with whom we share core values. If you also want to understand why you keep getting into similar unhealthy relationships it’s because while you may profess certain values, you ‘trust’ in the feedback from that person possessing certain values that speak to your own pattern. Hence you may feel more trusting of someone who is shady and dodging a relationship, not because you’re truly ‘trusting’ them, but more because you trust that this relationship is ‘safe’, that you can seek validation, and that you can fulfil your self-fulfilling prophecy that speaks to your own beliefs about you, love, and relationships.

3. Look at what keeps coming back up and causing issues in a relationship – no matter what is being said, it tells you a hell of a lot about where there are incompatibilities with your values. This information will either tell you why your relationship isn’t going to work or is at the very least highlighting where you need to be focused. I’ve had so many people share stories (I've shared a lot of my own) about how they were with someone who was so attractive, sexy, shared common interests, kind to animals/children, mentioned back in 1983 that they might want to get married or that they’d like a relationship one day, they made them laugh and yada yada yada. This is all well and good but if this was what was the bread and butter of your relationship, you wouldn’t be experiencing major problems.

All this he said/she said and blowing smoke up people’s bums and pumping them up is a waste of your time because you’re looking at the wrong information. The net result of your relationship, the areas where you’re struggling – this is telling you where you don’t share values or where there’s certainly a miscommunication of them.

4. Be careful of the silent handshake in values. If you stick with someone who doesn’t share core values, they assume that you’re not serious about your own values and that you’re actually now sharing theirs. Of course you may be assuming the same thing. Do not ignore core differences that will take you away from being you and certainly don’t proceed on the assumption that they’re going to abandon their own. Love is not about having the power to change someone.

5. You are not looking for a clone of you. I know many couples who have different values but share core values where it counts. It means that it doesn’t matter what colour they are or religion or size or political party – when it comes down to how they each want to live their lives and how they want to treat one another, they are on the same page. Equally I know a lot of people who value certain things and so even if they had all of this in common, they wouldn’t be with someone who wasn’t the same religion, colour, political party etc. That’s their prerogative – these are their values to live by but never allow someone who is very rigid about these things to be with you (someone who doesn’t embody this value) and then use it as an excuse to mistreat you or not commit.


Moral of the story:
Someone may be great on illusionary paper, but it’s values that show who they are and whether your relationship can happen in reality.

THE END! xxoo

Getting Married

I have decided after looking at this picture...

I want to get married in a barn. I have a barn... it's more open then this but I might be able to fix that. Or it might be nice. Lay down some proper boards. Make sure there are lots of mini lights and there you have it, there's your wedding.

There is a little church near that barn of mine that I have always wanted to wed in or to make it even more efficient... just say the vows right at the reception.

Perfection!

Now, back to deciding on my perfect man for the job. So many to pick from...



picture borrowed from here

True Statements

Some of us don’t like the truth at the time when we hear it but ultimately appreciate the value of it when our ego’s have settled down.

All in all, remember. There isn't anything better then honesty. You are who you are, you've done what you've done and it's time you accept yourself and respect the other person.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Actually, no... I should also note that this isn't coming from any recent experience. It just kind of hit me and I thought I should post about it.

Beauty

When you think of the world’s most beautiful woman, who comes to mind? Is it Beyonce, recently named “Most Beautiful” by People Magazine, or is it your best friend, wife or girlfriend? Or maybe you think of someone else famous like Megan Fox or Charlize Theron. Whoever comes to mind, just know you’re wrong. According to some scientists in Great Britain, subjectivity has got nothing to do with and this lovely lady pictured to the left, Florence Colgate, is the most beautiful woman based on facts and figures. Reported in a recent article on Gawker, Colgate was recently named Britain’s Most Beautiful Woman because her face is an example of near perfect symmetry. Yes, that’s right, in this photo where she is (supposedly) wearing no makeup, you can see that the 18-year-old, blonde, Caucasian woman is indeed attractive, but why is a whole different story. If beauty is all about symmetry and ratios and other things that sound absurd when you really think about them, why do those with the crooked smiles and gap teeth even bother? To this I wave my hands and say “phooey”, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What are your thoughts?

Are you staring at a perfect face?

PS: I feel bad for this woman who will now be subjected to being picked apart by everyone who cares about the "mathematics" behind beauty.

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest

There are some things in my life that have taken on the presence of a hornets nest.

Sometimes, when I see a hornets nest and I wonder to myself, should I kick it?

It isn't bothering me.

It doesn't even notice me anymore, that's what I want... right?

Do I really want to deal with the circumstances if I do engage it in anyway?

hmm...

hmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Leave it alone, B. Leave it alone.

 

But sometimes the hornets nest might actually be a bee hive full of honey.

I like honey.

Alone

"It's that state of mind when you notice someone hasn't been around but someone else will look after it. People get so involved in their own lives that they loose sight of others. It's natural and very sad. We just expect that someone else is taking care of that person or that someone else knows what's going on... not always the case. This story reminds me not to just think but to act. Check in on people when I think about them, try to connect. If I notice someone hasn't been around, I'll try and message them. Can't change loneliness but sometimes you can help someone feel less alone."

I wrote this in response to a sad article I read on Facebook, about a woman named Vincent.

Sailing

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." (Mark Twain)

[photo borrowed]

Espresso Book Machine

sexy beast

Today I read an article about something called an Espresso Book Machine, an interesting addition to the physical book world. I worry about books, the pages and the paper. I worry that one day, there will be no more. I am resistant to getting an e-reader. My wonderful friend CW has been using and loving one for the last few years, I'm just far too stubborn right now. I held on tight to the typewriter and I'll hold on even tighter to my books. It's important though, that my much loved book stores stay a float and do whatever the heck they can to stay in business. So, if that means resorting to keeping less "go-to" books in stock and making them available for print on demand, then so be it. Good examples would be paperback versions of To Kill a Mocking Bird, The Grapes of Wrath or the Thesaurus, books that people don't just stumble upon but more or less go looking for.

What do you think of the Espresso Book Machine? Will it go by way of the mini-disk player or will it stand strong and come though with such force that it will change things forever?

My B*tch about Bacon

It all started YEARS ago when I saw a bacon suit for sale that smelled like bacon. Then bacon became out of control. And still is. When will it stop. I think I had my last straw with Adam on Big Brother 13. Don't get me wrong. I love bacon and I love 90210 BUT... that's a bit much for even me. Time to move on people, nothing left to see here. And don't even get me started on Bacon Fest.

There are other food trends to become obsessed with. Take donuts. Those things are everywhere. Or cute little perogies. Both very attractive, very bad for you and very good. Mind you... both of those tasty treats come with bacon as well.

Anyway, that's just how I feel about bacon right now. I love to eat it but I'm not going to wear it, sit on it, use it to light my house, put it in my cake, put it in my jam, get a desk top picture of it or put it on my bed linens.

Mustard on the other hand...

From a Wise Man...

The Landscape of Our Lives

~By Bennet Wong

This entry is from In and Out of Our Own Way by The Haven’s founders, Bennet Wong and Jock McKeen.

Ben Wong co-founded The Haven with Jock McKeen

I have found that people tend to be goal-directed. They frequently wish to fix some problems in their lives, to let go of unfortunate situations, to forget unhappy relationships, to finally deal with their feelings about the past, to be able to face the future changed and unimpeded. After devoting much time and money with counsellors and other people helpers, they are often astonished to discover their demons to still be with them. For myself, I now have arrived at the belief that nothing will ever be done with, that we will never be rid of the past, and that ultimately, the essentials about ourselves will never change!

I have shifted from a belief that human experience is a linear affair from past to present to future, to a belief that each of our lives is an immutable landscape of experience. We all have our mountains of exhilaration, surrounded by our cliffs of danger and hardships. Each of us has places of contentment and placidity, like soothing lakes and gentle forests; similarly, each has deep, exciting and sometimes threatening waters as well as scary, unknown jungles. There are in everyone various parched deserts and lush, productive wetlands. Each of our landscapes is endless in the variety of appearances and experiences.

Although the choices are numerous, most people tend to limit themselves to living in only a few parts of the total possibilities. Some people are mountain people while others tend to live in their valleys. However, no matter which part of their landscape that they may find themselves, if they would look carefully in all directions, they would see that the entire landscape is always there, but in the background. What they are experiencing has only moved into the foreground. Nothing has been exterminated or altered. All that has changed has been the location of the present experience.

So, when experiencing happiness, a person should be aware that somewhere in the background still lurks an area of sadness. While experiencing joy in the foreground, despair has only been relegated to the background at that time. Some people become fixated to one location; even when they are in safe and happy circumstances, they are unable to shift the dangerous, harmful childhood experiences from their foreground into the background. Thus, such a person is anxious and depressed even when the current context would provide ideal circumstances for security and pleasure. By remaining stuck in one area of the landscape, this person has diminished the scope of experience; the landscape has become a small window of the whole larger picture. Such a narrowing and fixation is what accounts for neurosis.

If this metaphor of life is understood, it would seem that to ensure good mental health, people should be encouraged to visit all parts of their landscape to remain aware of the wide range of possibilities of experience. If they are able to remain flexible to shift readily, not having to remain rigidly in one place (as occurs in a fixed moral position), they will be able to stay attuned to present circumstances. That would be a sign of good mental health.

Such a metaphor begs the consideration of another set of dynamics. What if the person were unable to sustain a portion of the landscape for a reasonable length of time? Such would be the case in people who experience sudden shifts and wide ranges of movement. Foreground and background are unable to remain stable. The person would experience severe dislocation, unable to have a stable sense of identification. They would be described by outside observers as being all over the map. The sustainability of foreground is another sign of good mental health.

Now that I have this picture of mental health, I no longer waste energy trying to fix anything. I now more focus on helping myself and other people to more easily move through our personal landscapes.

Becoming Ginger

Last night, I took the plung... I said farwell to summer and my lovely blonde highlights (I loved it this time, my stylist did such a good job) and hello to RED. Fire Engine RED.

what was I thinking!!

I haven't taken a decent picture of myself  but I can tell you exactly the color it turned out to be:

It's red. And I cut it so it's about this length too.

OK, that one picture, the one of me... it looks really red. haha. Ohmy!

This is a big date week as well so I will put the boys to the test! If they don't like me because I now have ginger hair then I don't like them either!

XOX

PS: Apparently it makes my eyes look REALLY green. OoOooOo...

Lots

There is a lot of stuff going on right now. I seem to be working on everything. I'm still applying for jobs, I just sent another resume yesterday. It usually takes about 6-8 weeks for things to come through, at least for the stuff I've been recently applying for. There is a system that I can check online to see the status. I applied for a position as a buyer with The City of Calgary. I know I have what it takes to do it.

After I got home from Monday night Pub Night I baked cookies again. I am working on my recpeies still. I did a dark chocolate chunk (ew HATE that word) cookie. It is so delicate it melts in your mouth before it even touches your lips. I am beyond impressed with myself. I have a good quality product. I just need to find the right chocolate. I chopped up a good qauity bar of chocolate last night, I think the neighbours must have thought I was doing demolition in my condo. Next cookie I am trying is a fresh ginger cookie. Chewy and dense. No tea needed for this cookie. All of these are cookies my mum can eat, she has an allergy to dairy and they also don't have trans fats (I am not using shortening).

I'm still working on my guitar, I know someone who is in a well known Calgary band who has offered to help me get past my beginner level. The best motivation for keeping the guitar practice going is not wanting to rebuild my callouses. I restrung everything with the help of CW and I'm good to go with some decent sounding guitars. I've been learning Ray LaMontange songs because they are so beautiful and soulful. I see him tonight in concert, SO EXCITED!

Driving has been going well. I'm excited to get my car.

I hit 100 lbs over the weekend. 100 lbs. I have never been heavier than 98 lbs in my life. I have never been this healthy and curvy. I am proud of me. It's a symbol for how good I'm doing. I look in the mirror and love everything about my body. I was so frail and skinny at the start of the year. That was so sad. I put in so much work and I overcame everything. I feel so strong, vivacious and alive. I don't know if anyone really knows just how hard I worked to get where I am now. It doesn't matter though, I know and I am moved to happy tears with pride for myself.

I'm working quietly on planning my next trip. I can't decide if I want to go at it alone or bring someone along for the ride. All I know is there will be adventure to be had. Great, wonderful adventure.

School starts in September as does my training/yoga/gym stuff. I need to go to the university to pick-up my books. I also like to find where my classroom is this time. It's not in the science buildings. I really not to take some social science programs but they are all during the day. It turns out another friends of mine wants to take similar classes but he can only find ones during the day as well. He works just like me so he can't go but he mentioned Athabasca University which has a wonderful correspondence program. I might follow along those tracks.

Mixed in with all these is a satisfying social life, there have been changes, some of the people I used to be really close too are no longer as close. I am better adjusted to it now. It took me some time though. It went from someone who I spent almost every day with to someone who I only talk to once or twice a month. Just blam. Done. The partner had issues with me for a while, jealousy and that put a strain on everything. Things are better but it's kind of left me a little sad. I have established stronger relationships with other friends and made lots of new ones as well.

There are some interesting people in my life right now. I still look at my life like it is a computer game or something different levels and challanges to overcome so I can move on to something bigger and better. Each of these new people have a different feel to them. Some feel like the past, some feel like the present and others feel like the future. It's interesting to me.

Anyway, I am not sure why I wanted to share where my life was. I think I am just proud and happy. I am not meaning to sound braggy, I just want to stard forth and share.

What has your summer been like? Have you been able to move forward with tasks you've wanted to accomplish or were you able to take a nice, relaxing break from it all?

xox

Blind Love

My best friends, brothers wife or should I say my first ever boyfriends wife or should I say my last boyfriends, brothers ex-girlfriend (!!) has decided to set me up on a blind date.

for real.


I have a blind date, I don't know anything about him. He's nice, he may have been in the military, he knows JB and she can vouch for his character. She's been very honest about a lot of things recently so I trust her opinion a lot.

I'm seeing other boys, in a nice way. I have not resorted back to the ways from my mid 20's and I'm proud of me. I'm taking my time, listening to my gut and just being a lady about it. I feel way better. This is exciting to me and I forgot that I actually like dating. I like meeting new people. I like the quest of looking for someone who matches me and I match them. Someone who has the same grounded ideas about love. I realise now that I'm not the one that needs to compromise my standards, that there is someone who is what I'm looking for. I know that I can but I don't need to.

RH was right, she said when I was ready I would just start attracting opportunities. People are coming out of the wood work. I'm okay being single but in the end, I want to share my life with friends and a lover. To me, that is fulfilment. Someone who I can have my life and be with. Someone who doesn't give up their life to be with me either. Balance, that is what I need. I don't need to be a single girl with a boyfriend on the weekend and I don't need to be a girlfriend who can only be with her boyfriend. I am happier when I both myself and my partner are autonomous yet still emotionally intimate. No crazy infatuation 'love'.

I am in such a healthy place. I should have taken this break months ago but I didn't. And maybe if I had not I may not have been able to reach the place that I am now in my life and that would have been a shame becasue I like  LOVE where I am. I love everyone and most importantly I really love me.

Enough fluffy chat about love, I have a blind date this Friday. I have no idea who he is, what he looks like or what we are going to do. JB is playing match maker so we will see. I trust her and most importantly I really trust me.

Tell me, have you ever been out on a blind date before?

Thoughts on Love

 

I've been exploring love, in my head, for the last 6 months. Maybe it's 7 now. I've contemplated my relationships for longer but love, I've let it be till this year.

I went through a thaw the last few years where I reconnected with myself and my heart. What I needed and wanted became more clear. I am thankful to have had a relationship that was very nurturing to my exploration. I needed my freedom and Independence and I also needed to see that I didn't want emotional unavailability in myself or a partner.

This year, I am completely unfrozen and open to everything. It's wonderful, I feel things with such intensity. The sadness, the happiness and everything in between. I'm connected to it all more so then I have ever been. With this new found capacity, I am exploring things scholastically as well. Philosophy, opinion, self help, judgment, chicklit... I've been devouring it all. Not only do I always pull from my own experiences but I also take with great weight, others and their paths. what has worked for them. I look at their regrets, their accomplishments and I try to learn from them as well. I like mistakes but, some can prevented.

I am reading a book that is dissecting marriage and commitment. It's gone into great depth about it, both the negative and the positive. I'm already half way through and I've already learnt so much. It's opened my eyes to the way ways I love and confirmed for me that its a good love. It's also renewed my interest in Plato's Symposium. I first became aware of eros when I started reading C. S. Lewis' The Four Loves and often reflect on it in my true life. And the other 3 loves and how they fit into relations.

There is so much I want to say but I'm not quite ready to go into any depth about it. Especially not today, my thoughts aren't as clear and articulate as I would like. Plus, I want to really take some time to hash out my thoughts. I guess my intention in writing about this is almost like an introduction to something that I plan to write in the future. It's something that has been on my mind as I go through life. As I look at the relationships I have with others and with myself. As I look at my capacity to love those around me and again, myself.

So with that, I give you love.

And you.

And you.

Yes, even you.

**


 picture borrowed from here

The Sound of You

It happens when you least expect it.

It was bound to happen-- I knew one day it would.

Friday night, walking into a store, my mind on the things I need to pick up... how I parked the car, the route I plan to use to get home. It took a few minutes for me to hear it. My ears slowly start to notice and then my mind started working on the memory, locating it. As quickly as it came to me, it's gone. A dusty fragment of a time that now feels so long ago.

Songs can transport us, like time travel vessels. Of course, like with all time travel, things can not be undone and I suppose I wouldn't really want to change anything anyway. It was nice to be reminded though, because I often wonder if you were even real. Or with that memory of yours, if you even remember me. It's silly... I know.

Mental stimulation (trust me to put a rational, over-thought spin on things).


Perhaps this is why you were in my dreams last night...

Concentrate

Can you concentrate? It’s kind of a silly question until think about it. Because in this wonderful age where every kind of media, every nugget of information, and every last relationship is at our fingertips, our ability to concentrate for any significant stretch of time is being attacked.  With the advent of the laptop, the smartphone, and now the tablet, we literally have access to everything and everyone at all times.  We are never without the ability to consume, absorb, or communicate in almost any way we please.

While most would agree that the world is better because of this, new challenges grow out of the shifting tide. We are under pressure to respond to e-mails not in a matter of days but in a matter of hours. Text messaging is even more socially strenuous: if an hour goes by without a response, the person delivering the message starts to feel slighted by the lack of communication. This is not limited to important matters either; it can be a friendly text about how our day is going or about last night’s big game. We know the communication capabilities and expect the person on the other end to use them to their full potential.

This constant strain attacks our ability to do meaningful work.  Despite the adage that multitasking increases efficiency, multitasking dangers not just our ability to get meaningful things done, but ultimately our sense of self worth. For research will show, time and again, that difficult problems require intense singular focus, not the ability to share focus. And with this much consumption possibility at our fingertips, the temptation to multi-task and side track ourselves increases substantially. I would argue that the ability to concentrate is becoming a true skill, right up there with reading comprehension and quantitative abilities.  The difference is that while reading comprehension and quantitative abilities rely heavily on inherent intelligence, the ability to concentrate is developed through a different place, a place that is quickly rivalling intelligence as the skill most correlated to success.  This place I call integrity.

For me, integrity involves 5 key features:

1. Learning to put off shallow, short term, gains in favour of sustained long term happiness.
2. Accomplishing tasks out of appreciation and love instead of gaining status.
3. Being able to shut out the bullshit when something truly important is at stake.
4. Acknowledging that we error frequently, and that knowledge is always more fragile than we think.
5. Making decisions that are true to ourselves and our values, no matter the short term pain or discomfort.

When it comes to concentration, numbers one and three are vital to success. We all know that shallow pang of happiness when somebody comments on our Facebook status or gives us a re-tweet. It’s becoming easier to allow ourselves to fall victim to these short term, fleeting pangs at the expense of sustainable long term relationships and opportunities that reveal themselves only through dedication and sacrifice. It follows from this that shutting out “urgent” bullshit is essential. Life for most people is becoming faster paced. There’s always an immediate emergency to deal with, and these emergencies become addicting to respond to because they give us that small, fleeting sense of satisfaction. They also happen to involve less intense thought. Responding to e-mails, setting up study plans, completing errands, and a host of other “essentials” can take priority in our lives in the blink of an eye because they constitute a crude shortcut to the sought out feeling of accomplishment. They are also virtually risk free; rarely is there an opportunity to fail at busy work. The tasks are simple and safe.

They do not lead to long term happiness, though, and they will not increase our integrity. They keep us inside our shell, never forcing us to venture into unknown, risky territory that may expose us. It is this territory that leads to real happiness and success. This area at the edge of our fears and abilities. We can never get to this area through busy work, only through meaningful work. And meaningful work requires concentration. Mastery requires concentration. If we can’t force ourselves to think intensely about something, to use our brain to its maximum potential for sustained stretches of time, we will not achieve substantive results in our relationships or in our work.

So concentrate on how you concentrate. Do you have the ability to turn off your cell phone for a few hours a day and focus on truly important work, whether it be creating something special or  strengthening an important relationship? Or do you consistently get sidetracked when requirements become too intense? If so, work on increasing your ability to focus; start by turning off the cell phone when you’re studying or working on your most important tasks. It takes integrity and dedication, but you’ll surely need it to accomplish your hopes and dreams.

What to Say...

I'm a big fan of honesty. Ideally, the best balance is an honest person that knows when to keep their mouth shut. There is an art to it... but if I had to settled, I'd rather be with someone who was brutally honest then with someone who sugar coats every little thing. Fact.

Honesty is usually challenged in times of emotional charge which can be uncomfortable for everyone involved. We are either looking for a way to make others or ourselves feel better about these things that lay so awkwardly in our hearts. Such as sickness.

I came across this article titled "What to Say to Someone Who's Sick" which goes into detail about the things you should and shouldn't say.

As I've learnt in my own life, it's not about how you say what you say. Life isn't like a movie and you don't need to say things that are ornamental. What you do need to say is what's in your heart. Simple and direct. It's the rule and root to all communication.

Confession: I'm a Tarpie but I'm Nice

Mike Bloggity is a fantastic blogger who is always on the ball about all the hottest events in the city. It was no surprise to me that he would be reposting on Folk Fest. It's a life changing event every year (no, I am not exaggerating). The days are spent wandering around from side stage to side stage, enjoyed all the talent. The nights are always spent at your tarp set up in the main feild to enjoy some of the bigger names in the festival. Your spot is marked by your tarp and the quality of the spot all depends on how early you get up and how determined you are. People usually camp out at the gates Friday to Saturday and Saturday to Sunday.

On Thursday... I had a moment. A nice half hour long moment of mad and crazy bitch. It's my duty on Thursday and Fridays to stand in line with the rest of the "tarpies" and find a close to ideal spot to watch the main stage. There are specific guidelines to participate in this practice. First of all... the front gate only allows so many people in first. Second, you are not allowed to run. Third, you have to pack up your tarp at the end of the night only to do it all over again in the morning. Your chair must be short (beach size. If you can roll a basketball under it, it's too big.) and your tarp must be smallish. 6 feet by 8 feet I think. Because the whole main stage field it covered in these tarps, it can be hard to maneuver around. Care should be taken though NOT to walk across them.

This is where my inner bitch came into play. We had set up our tarp on Thursday night in the same area that we always set up. It's fun because you see all your usual regulars who come back every year. We are after all creatures of habit. The first night I was beyond excited, I am not kidding when I say that I had tears flowing from my eyes because I was overwhelmed with joy as I sat, waiting for the gates to open. When I got in and put down the tarps, I looked around-- pleased. This was going to be a great year. We had new neighbors, a guy named Claude from Winnipeg. He just moved here 6 months ago. Some nice people sitting behind us. As the night went on and we got closer and closer to the final act. A group called City and Color, more and more people started walking over my tarp. Some when as far as to move my chair and walk directly across with their muddy feet. The annoying thing was, there was a path about 6 feet away. They didn't need to walk on the tarp. Wanting to create more room we rolled up our one tarp when the others had gone home and moved everything onto one. This steady stream of City and Color fans would not get off as I started rolling-up. I finally had to yell at them. I felt like a crotchy old man as I waved my hands and lectured them on patience and manners.

"It's rude to walk across the tarps. Stop it. If you would have a little patience for a moment I will toll this up so you can get to where you need to go." I know, doesn't sound that ferocious now but it was then. I commanded my respect and got it.

The next day I saw this post by Mike:

Taking on the Tarpies

Which I can relate too. Some of the people with the tarps are kind of rude. Too big tarps with no one on them for the whole main stage event. It's a waste of space. People with tall chairs. People who fight over spots. It's folk fest. Share. It's community people. Check your entitlement at the door.

I am all about sharing my space. I have done so every year I've gone. With friends and strangers. The only thing I ask is you help me eat my food, you keep the tarp clean and you don't smoke or talk too much loudness during shows. If you have loud kids that won't sit down, sit near the back or the sides. And watch them. That's all I ask, in turn you can share my space and be my friend.

For the people who don't want to sit on my tarp or have one of their own either leave your shoes off when you tarp hope OR keep your shoes on and walk along the edges while making the "I'm sorry, I'm really trying to be respectful of you space" face. Is that too much to ask? If you are going to stand, do so on the sides OR when everyone else is doing so. It's that easy. Is that too much to ask?

We can exist. As a tarpie, I am proud of my spot and will enjoy it all through the night. I waited a long time to get this spot and really, this spot isn't that good. Haha. I'm not that hard core. Depends on the act to be honest.

As a trap crasher, always ask. Don't just plunk your butt down with your muddy feet on my tarp.

The end!

Picture borrowed from Mike's Tarpie post