Tuesday, July 12, 2011

That's Not Me

I've been reading a lot in the last few weeks. I've actually devoured 3 books and I'm half way though my fourth. I just bought it today at lunch. Granted, they haven't been the most challenging reads I've embarked on but that's okay. I'm actually not even sure where I am finding the time. As I think about it though, the things that have occupied my time so much in the last few years are gone. The OCD, GONE. Boyfriends, GONE. TV watching, GONE. But that has all been replaced with a busy social life, extra hobbies and well... reading I guess.

I've been flying my way through a "true to life" chick-lit book called My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler. The same girls who read Bossypants also read this book. I'm into the whole light hearted, girl focused books that aren't all about being drippy over some lover. I want to read about women who have some kind of life plan. Well, Chelsea Handler is a professional one night stander and her life plan is finding the next drink. Or so it seems from this book. I'm happy to say that I've never lived a life like that. well, I wouldn't really say "happy" but more of less proud that I never went down that road.

I went through my wild girl stage, everyone does. It's usually found around age 26 and lasts until you're around 30? I couldn't commit to a soul until I was maybe 28? Then I found myself with this really laid back man, he just what I needed. I think 2 years went by and I still never called him my boyfriend and even though I loved him we never said it to each other for a while. Didn't need to hear it and didn't need to say it. I could see it for the majority of the relationship. There was something soothing about this no pressure relationship but then, I changed and I wanted more finally. I was ready to commit to something more serious but he wasn't there yet.

I'm different then I was when I was last single for a long period of time. I need my friends, not male attention (the games are done). There's been a shift where the majority of my friends are now female when at one point I think the only girl I even talked to was Laura. I love my female friends and making that circle as strong as possible is important to me on a totally unconscious level. There is actually only one man in my life who I consider to be a true friend who doesn't have any preset motive and that's refreshing in it's self. The rest of the other boys are kept at distance because I'm just not looking for that. Not right now.

I'm not confused. I'm not scared. I'm not unhappy. I'm not lonely. That's just not me. Not right now.

No comments: