4 Easy Peasy Appies

 

 

 

 

OK, I should be working but I took my first real mental break from the new job to check my Shaw Webmail account. That email address is where all my junk and spam goes. I love it, my routine is to go through each email and real about everything happening and going on in the world. Travel deals, stuff happening in the city, other peoples blogs. It's a plethora of info and none of it goes to my phone.

 

I came across this fantastic 4 story gallery from Refinery 29 of simple appies that you can make... you need to check this shit out because it looks SO easy but will be SO impressive.

 

Herbed Shortbread anyone? How about encrusted goat cheese balls. OH--- party time you are calling my name!

I Want to be a Hobbit

 

So there for I want these slippers from ThinkGeek.

  

 

 

CUTE! it makes second dinner and second breakfast that much better!

Staying Friends with the Ex('s)

 

 

I had a messy break-up a few years ago and things ended poorly. One person was really hurt, the other was just confused and done. The hurt one lashed out in anger and the confused one took that anger as a threat and cut all ties-- no contact. And that was good. That gave time for the hurt one to come to terms with what had happened and that also gave time for the confused one to get things figured out.

 

and that was that. Until a few weeks ago when all of the sudden he popped back into my life. All has been forgiven and it's nice to know that we have both moved on. There is something special about being forgiven because I was the confused one in that scenario.

 

I have decent relationships with all my ex's. Well, I wouldn't exactly say "relationships" but I would say that I'm friendly with all of them. Should I ever run into one on the street I would never hesitate to go over with a friendly hug and say hi. That's just who I am, I shared something with that person and though I may have moved on I am still connected on some level to that person. Like an old friend. I don't see the purpose in hating an ex, especially over time. Both parties did the best they could and well, we've all learnt a lot now, haven't we.

 

It's undeniable, you can't be friends right away. That's hard. There are still too many emotions and sometimes leftover expectations. There has to be space. No contact. I always preach to my friend "90 days, no contact!" when they go through a break-up. You can deal with the after math much better when your emotions are in check. I'm not usually the kind of girl who gets in touch in the following months after a break-up. I need to get my head straight, especially when I've been the one broken-up with.

 

I guess in a way when I know I can be friendly with my ex's I know that all doors have been closed, we all have our closure and the relationship is finally done because I no longer have any emotional ties-- love or hate. Yes, I believe that's it for me. A friend of mine always challenges me and says that I just can't let go, but I disagree. I feel as though I have let go of all of my ex's but I hate that feeling of not being able to do something. That when I see something, I can't openly write and say "Hey, thought you'd enjoy this!" or what not. Is that wrong? I don't feel like it is, it doesn't cause me hurt or anxiety. I feel good about it. It's never affected my relationship, especially as I've grown more as a person and I'm able to feel confident in my choices.

 

 

What do you think? Are you friends with your ex's? Do you hate them? Or could you careless.

 

** post inspired by Cup of Jo

2012 Perseid Meteor Shower

 

 

Every year around this time, the Earth is pelted with fiery stones from the frigid depths of outer space. Instead of as being as terrifying as that concept has every right to be, it is beautiful and awe-inspiring. For skywatchers, this year’s Perseid meteor shower should be a particular treat, with Jupiter and Venus getting in on the action as well.

ProTips on how to view the coolest light show of the year and a video from the smart folks at NASA, who when they are not sending robots to perfect 10 landings on another planet, are apparently getting other people to do their more menial tasks — like counting meteors — for them. Nice work if you can get it, right?

Get Out of Dodge: If you can afford to take a little late-night trip and, yes, lose a little sleep, getting away from city lights is going to make the Perseids a much more enjoyable show. Escaping light pollution will make for a lot more visible meteors. I didn't see anything particular set up at the observatory SW of the city but it might be worth while checking it out anyway.

Sunday Funday: This Sunday, August 12th will mark the height of the show, which goes on every year when the Earth passes near the comet Swift-Tuttle.

Coffee. Also, More Coffee: Though you can catch a glimpse of the meteors pretty much anytime after 10 or 11 pm, the best viewing is going to be in the early morning hours, just before dawn. So be prepared to either get up real early, or stay up real late. Hot coco is also nice or some kind of tea. Just something warm to put in your tummy and don't forget some comfy blankets to lay out on. This is one thing that is best enjoyed on your back.

Look to the East. Also, A Little North: The majority of the evening’s shooting stars will seem to radiate from the constellation Perseus. For those of you who (like me) have no idea where to begin looking for that cluster of stars, it is to the northeast. For those of you who (again, like me) have no idea what direction northeast is, your phone probably has a compass that will come in handy.

For more tips, we turn you over to the capable hands and dulcet tones of the professionals at NASA. While you’re watching, the space agency would appreciate if you could count meteors for them to help determine the trajectory of Swift-Tuttle. They’ve even cooked up a smartphone app to make it easy for you — at that point, it’s kind of rude not to lend a hand, right? Right.

 

 

and for a special treat, watch this video!

and then check out this month's Star Chart from the TELUS Spark Science Centre.

(via Space.com, pic via Logan Brumm)

Bon Jovi Friday

URBAN DICTIONARY:

Bon Jovi Friday, originally, is a concept taken from "The Xtacles", where on the Thursday before a Friday you have off - you party and screw off at work like it is Friday.

However this concept has come to pertain to any such day that precedes a day or days off.

Although such days are still referred to as "Bon Jovi Friday" no matter the actual day of the week.

“When you have Friday off from work, and you just F*ck around all day Thursday … you know what that is? That is a Bon Jovi Friday!”

-from The Xtacles.

Yesterday I treated my night like it was Bon Jovi Friday. But it wasn't... I definatly have to be at work today and I am, with a smile on my face.

But I'm tired.

Why I Blog

         

I have a Twitter account, I acquired it in 2008 and instantly left it alone for a year and a bit. Then I started tweeting again, in the form of a private online journal, I had a very strong presence on Facebook at the time so feeling anonymous was important to me when it came to expressing things authentically.

And that all changed as I started to really invest time in having experiences and living my life more fully. Twitter because a place where I could invest a little time and get a lot of information so I moved from private to public and that's when things started to happen. Slowly. I have made some fantastic connections through it and being public has allowed me to exchange info in a very casual but effective way.

I have always enjoyed sharing parts of myself, it's selfish though. It's pretty rare that I write something for others, I usually write for me.

My Dog Dinner

This was created for babble. I had been writing via Internet since Yahoo ruled the roost and everyone had Geo Cities pages. I don't know what happened to mine, but that is where it began. I learned simple coding and just created. It was so satisfying to me. I moved from there to MySpace over the course of a few years (I had a stint on the forums on a dating site called PoF but boyfriends at the time didn't understand that I just wanted to write -- and help people). I poured my heart out there and made some interesting friends a long the way. I was in a difficult relationship at the time and I was in the process of maturing. It was a challenge and I felt my way through it by writing on MySpace. Then I found Facebook and from there I felt different. I knew these people in real life, I had a few hundred friends rather then a few thousand anonymous followers. I felt like I couldn't be completely open, because lets face it. Writing to me was a cheap form of therapy. So then I started blogging. It began with a blog that still exists, it's private. I wrote a lot of bad poetry as I struggled more at getting a hold on my life. And then I created My Dog Dinner one day in March, I wanted to be seen but I wanted to remain anonymous but still have an audience. That was 2008 and I've been keeping it pretty up to date since.

My Dog Dinner is my selfish blog, I write it for me. I write it for things that i have on my mind, I write it for things that I want to learn and remember. For the last few months I have been neglecting it as I focus more on my job and other aspects of my life. As well, some changes to my life have stabilized my emotions so my inspiration is a little less artsy-angst. Hence, the poetic posts aren't so often.

I am pretty active in the city though, it's a value of mine, to experience life as I want too. I try my best to always challenge myself. I would write the odd post in My Dog Dinner directed and some of my adventures. Where I have eaten, what I have eaten, What to do, what I did.. just those kinds of things. There are so many things that I want to share with people. This is where my blogging becomes less selfish and more of a service. I have dreamt of having a job where people would come to me, lacking ideas and I would be able to create the perfect event for them. Like a concierge at a hotel-- I love helping people better their lives and what better way then through memorable experiences.

That was why B. in the City was created, it's a blog with one simple direction: to inform people of things that I think are fun to do in the city. There is so much to experience so why not try it all. I'm not 100% committed to it and it's just a hobby I do once in a while, but it's building. I enjoy it and there is just a bit more then a handful of information on the site now. It's important to me to bring attention to local, independent events that one might over look. There is always something to do in the city and for the longest time, no one knew where to look or what to do. I dated a man who didn't drink for a few years and sometimes on a Saturday night, we'd look at each other and ask "what is there to do in this city besides go to a movie or go to the bar?"... well, now there are a few answers.

Through the quest for information I have come across a lot of other sites that do it WAY better then I do, and that's good. I am glad! One of those inspirations is Mr YYC who shares the same passion as me. Today, he did something that flattered me beyond anything anyone has ever done, he mentioned me. Sounds silly but it's not. He has a huge presence in the community of Calgary Event Blogging and the fact that he took the time to bring some of his lime light to my humble little blog(s), I am speechless. And so thankful for the support.

I don't think this place is that big of a deal to anyone else but me, I do it for the enjoyment but sometimes someone will say something or so something that will remind me, I have a few readers out there. And that means something to me that I am able to add to their life in some way.

Anyways, not sure why I wrote this but I did. Thanks again for the #FF on Twitter Mr. YYC! xxoo

[truth, I am going to Google #FF as soon as I post this becasue I have no idea what that is but I think it's good! Excuse the ignorance yet again!]

Beauty

When you think of the world’s most beautiful woman, who comes to mind? Is it Beyonce, recently named “Most Beautiful” by People Magazine, or is it your best friend, wife or girlfriend? Or maybe you think of someone else famous like Megan Fox or Charlize Theron. Whoever comes to mind, just know you’re wrong. According to some scientists in Great Britain, subjectivity has got nothing to do with and this lovely lady pictured to the left, Florence Colgate, is the most beautiful woman based on facts and figures. Reported in a recent article on Gawker, Colgate was recently named Britain’s Most Beautiful Woman because her face is an example of near perfect symmetry. Yes, that’s right, in this photo where she is (supposedly) wearing no makeup, you can see that the 18-year-old, blonde, Caucasian woman is indeed attractive, but why is a whole different story. If beauty is all about symmetry and ratios and other things that sound absurd when you really think about them, why do those with the crooked smiles and gap teeth even bother? To this I wave my hands and say “phooey”, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What are your thoughts?

Are you staring at a perfect face?

PS: I feel bad for this woman who will now be subjected to being picked apart by everyone who cares about the "mathematics" behind beauty.

15 International Food Etiquette Rules That Might Surprise You

 

In Thailand, don't put food in your mouth with a fork.

Instead, when eating a dish with cooked rice, use your fork only to push food onto your spoon. A few exceptions: Some northern and northeastern Thai dishes are typically eaten with the hands—you'll know you've encountered such a dish if the rice used is glutinous or "sticky." Also, stand-alone items that are not part of a rice-based meal may be eaten with a fork. But, says Leela Punyaratabandhu, a food writer who blogs at SheSimmers.com, the worst thing to do at a traditional, rice-based meal would be to use chopsticks. "That is awkward and inconvenient at best and tacky at worst," she says.

In Japan, never stick your chopsticks upright in your rice.

Between bites, your chopsticks should be placed together right in front of you, parallel to the edge of the table—and nowhere else, says Mineko Takane Moreno, Japanese cooking instructor and co-author of Sushi for Dummies. (If there is a chopsticks rest, you use it, putting the tips you've been eating with on the rest.) But sticking them upright in a bowl of rice is even worse: During funerals in Japan, the rice bowl of the deceased is placed before their coffin... with their chopsticks upright in the rice. So what would she rather see: Someone doing that at a meal, or asking for a fork? Mineko doesn't hesitate. "Asking for a fork," she says.

In the Middle East, India and parts of Africa, don't eat with your left hand.

In South India, you shouldn't even touch the plate with your left hand while eating. That's largely because the left hand is associated with, um, bodily functions, so it's considered to be dirty. In fact, says Foster, don't even pass important documents with your left hand. A lefty? Then it's okay to use your left hand—as long as you take your right hand out of the game.

At a traditional feast in Georgia, it's rude to sip your wine.

At what Georgians call a supra (traditional feast), wine is drunk only at toasts. So wait for those... and then down the whole glass at once. On the upside, says Georgia-based photographer and videographer Paul Stephens, the glasses tend to be on the small side.

In Mexico, never eat tacos with a fork and knife.

Worried about spilling refried beans and salsa all over your front? Tough. Mexicans think that eating tacos with a fork and knife looks silly and, worse, snobby—kind of like eating a burger with silverware. So be polite: Eat with your hands.

In Italy, drink a cappuccino only before noon.

Some Italians say that a late-day cappuccino upsets your stomach, others that it's a replacement for a meal (it's common to have just a cappuccino, or a cappuccino and a croissant, for breakfast). Either way, you won't see Italians ordering one in a café at 3 p.m.—and certainly not after a big dinner. Do so, and you'll be instantly branded a tourist. If you need that coffee fix, though, an espresso is fine.

In Britain, always pass the port to the left—and remember the Bishop of Norwich.

It's unclear why passing port on the left is so important; some say it has to do with naval tradition (the port side of a boat is on your left if you're facing the helm). Regardless, passing the decanter to the right is a big gaffe. So is not passing it at all. If you're at a meal and the decanter stalls, then ask the person with it, "Do you know the Bishop of Norwich?" If they say they don't know him, reply, "He's a very good chap, but he always forgets to pass the port." It sounds weird, but it's true. This is such a nationwide tradition, the Telegraph wrote an article on it.

In France, don't eat your bread as an appetizer before the meal.

Instead, eat it as an accompaniment to your food or, especially, to the cheese course at the end of the meal. That said, one thing that would be a faux pas anywhere else—placing bread directly on the table and not on a plate—is perfectly acceptable in France—in fact, it's preferred.

In China, don't flip the fish.

Although you might be used to flipping over a whole fish once you've finished one side, don't—at least not when you're in China, especially southern China and Hong Kong. That's because flipping the fish is dao yue in Chinese, a phrase similar to "bad luck." Plus, says Foster, "to flip the fish over is like saying that the fisherman's boat is going to capsize." The most superstitious will leave the bottom part untouched, while others will pull off the bone itself to get to the bottom.

In Italy, don't ask for parmesan for your pizza—or any other time it's not explicitly offered.

Putting parmigiano on pizza is seen as a sin, like putting Jell-O on a fine chocolate mousse. And many pasta dishes in Italy aren't meant for parmesan: In Rome, for example, the traditional cheese is pecorino, and that's what goes on many classic pastas like bucatini all'amatriciana, not parmesan. A rule of thumb: If they don't offer it to you, don't ask for it.

Don't eat anything, even fries, with your hands at a meal in Chile.

Manners here are a little more formal than many other South American countries. So while it might be the most practical to just pick up those fries with your fingers, don't do it. "The greater need is to identify with European culture, so food is [eaten] with a knife and a fork," Foster says.

In Korea, if an older person offers you a drink, lift your glass to receive it with both hands.

Doing so is a sign of respect for elders, an important tenet of Korean culture. After receiving the pour with both hands, you should turn your head away and take a discreet sip, says Stephen Cha-Kim, a Korean-born worker's rights advocate who regularly visits family in Korea. "To this day, if anybody hands me anything, both hands shoot out instinctively," Cha-Kim says. Similarly, don't start eating until the eldest male has done so (and don't leave the table until that person is finished).

Never mix—or turn down—vodka in Russia.

The beverage is always drunk neat—and no, not even with ice. Adding anything is seen as polluting the drink's purity (unless the mixer is beer, which produces a formidable beverage known as yorsh). But there's another faux pas that's even worse, says Foster: when you're offered the drink and you turn it down. Since offering someone a drink is a sign of trust and friendship, it's a good idea to take it. Even if it is 9 a.m.

When drinking coffee with Bedouins in the Middle East, shake the cup at the end.

Typically, anyone Bedouin—or Bedouin-related—will continue to pour you more coffee once you've finished unless you shake the cup, meaning tilting the cup two or three times, when you hand it back. It's such an important tip, says Middle East-based freelance correspondent Haley Sweetland Edwards, that last year, Bedouins she was eating with in Qatar made her practice it until she got it right.

In Brazil, play your tokens wisely.

At a churrascaria, or a Brazilian steakhouse, servers circle with cuts of meat and diners use tokens to place an order. If a server comes out with something you want, make sure your token, which you'll have at your table, has the green side up. If you don't want any more, flip it with the red side up. Since the meat can be never-ending, it's important to strategize—if you leave that token green side up you could end up ordering a lot more than you intended.

written by Amanda Ruggeri

Borrowed from Budget Travel

Mantras

After having a year of some what easy peasy sailing, I have entered into 2012 with a whole new pile of lessons to learn and a whole plethora of choices to enrich my life. First I had to accept that my life was once again going in that direction-- the learn direction and I had to let go of the comfort I had found at the start of 2011. Next, I need to make these process as easy as I can on myself by not throwing up road blocks to make things more difficult then I sometimes find them.

For example, if I'm going to be bossy, stubborn, needy and scattered.. know that is just who I'm going to be. No point in fighting it even more then I am because that just makes for an even messier situation.

And it's time to change my thoughts towards things.  I can be aware and I can be oblivious but I shouldn't be ignorant. The best way for me to do this is to hear my anxious thoughts, decide if it's helpful to me to listen to them and if not, then combat it with something positive to dismiss it. Mantras are usually the best way to stop my mind from spinning. I interject a mantra into a negative, OCD thought process and eventually it releases it into something with much less power over me. My favorite for the longest time was "I love an accept myself" and even in periods when I am having trouble sleeping, that thought slips in and my mind suddenly relaxes.

I searched for a nice, basic outline of new mantras to introduce into my life. Please see below.

“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.” ~Swedish Proverb

Mantra, according to the dictionary:

Any sacred word or syllable used as an object of concentration and embodying some aspect of spiritual power.

Mantra, according to Sirena:

Things I say to myself to help me deal.

There are times we all go through that just straight up suck.

During these times, it can be hard to think about anything other than what’s going on. We can become so consumed in our own misery that we often overshadow any glimmer of hope.

And although these times can seem endless while we’re in them, it’s through these crappy times that we learn the most about ourselves and receive some of life’s greatest rewards.

I can only say this after going through some of my own crappy times. You know, experiencing little things like breaking up from an engagement, being unemployed, questioning my sexuality, severing several friendships, wiping through my entire savings, and accumulating way too much debt.

All within the same year.

Yikes.

Through my own experiences of hopelessness, confusion, and doubt, I’ve learned to establish a few simple, but very effective phrases to help me stay positive and to keep things in perspective.

So now, whenever things cross my path that may initially seem unbearable, or if I begin to doubt myself, I just remember and repeat some of the following mantras:

1. Keep your head up and your heart open.

I repeated this phrase to myself over and over again after my aforementioned breakup. At the time, the last thing I ever wanted to do was to open myself up again.

After being with the same person for over 6 years (6 years!), I quickly realized that this kind of thinking wouldn’t get me far.

I trusted myself that if I just kept my head up and my heart open, good things would come into my life. And I’m glad I listened to myself.

I use this phrase both literally and figuratively.

By actually keeping your head up, smiling at people as they walk by, and keeping aware of your surroundings, you may notice something or meet someone that you potentially could have missed had your head been down.

When to use: During a break up, when you feel let down by someone, or when you feel betrayed or mistrust.

2. Go slowly.

With everything. Eating. Talking. Taking a shower. Driving. Even having sex.

I noticed when I was super-stressed out about things, I had a tendency to run around like a lunatic, doing several things at once, often times having to re-track my steps because I was so distracted that I left several things out.

I found that my projects, errands, and even my conversations with people became very watered down because I was rushing just to finish.

Now, whenever I feel like I’m rushing to just get things done, I slow down my pace, take a deep breath, and take my time with whatever it is I am rushing to do.

When we slow down, we can taste all the flavors in our food and we digest our meals better. We are better communicators when we talk slower, and we become better listeners.

Accidents? They wouldn’t happen as much if we weren’t in such a rush to get somewhere.

It’s quality over quantity.

When to use: When you are in a rush on the highway, when you’re rushing out to get lunch, or walking around the office, when you feel pressure from deadlines, or while you’re annoyed sitting in traffic.

3. Be easy.

Or in other words, don’t sweat the small stuff.

I realized that most of the issues that were giving me anxiety were completely out of my control, and they were usually things that wouldn’t matter five years, five months or even five minutes from the time.

Like freaking out that I didn’t have something to wear to a party, or stressing that I’d mess up choreography while teaching a class.

I learned to not get so worked up over the small things, stressing about matters that, in the end, really didn’t make a difference.

So, if you find yourself getting road rage from the guy that cut you off on the highway, let him be. Why get angry and stress yourself out over it? Just be easy.

Did someone on the train bump you as they walked by? Who cares? The cab is packed; it wasn’t her fault. Be easy.

When to use: When it’s 1 AM and you’re wide awake in bed, thinking about the next day’s to do list, when you spill on your new white tank top, or when the copy machine at work jams. Be easy.

There are far worse things in life.

4. Let Sirena be Sirena (swap out my name with yours).

Most of us wear masks. And most of us are afraid to be ourselves, simply out of fear of judgment.

We take jobs we don’t really care for, stay in relationships we don’t genuinely love, and pretend to be someone different for everybody else.

I was there—I stayed in a relationship far longer than I should have and I avoided confronting my sexuality because I was so afraid of being judged.

And I’m telling you, it’s a heck of a lot easier to just be you—whatever that means, whenever, wherever.

While you’re too busy making yourself appear to be someone else, you kill yourself from the inside out. And it can be a long, slow and painful death to your soul.

Bottom line? Accept yourself for who you are, and just be you.

This was the hardest lesson for me to accept, but the one that has given me the greatest clarity and direction in life.

When to use: Times when you are questioning yourself, when you feel outside pressure to do/be/say/act in a way that is not congruent with your true nature, or when you hold back from doing what you truly want to do because you’re afraid of being judged.

Since my “sabbatical” from life, which is what I’ve now jokingly nicknamed this year of despair I described earlier, I have made some dramatic and positive changes.

I have a job that I absolutely love, I am on track to pay off all of my debt by the end of this year, and I have accumulated a solid amount in my savings.

I’ve also re-kindled past friendships and made some awesome new relationships, while becoming grounded and confident in who I am.

These mantras helped me get to this point. Having them has been an effective trick to help me stay positive and on track.

What phrase does that for you?

This is a contribution by Sirena Bernal

Thoughts on Sadness

rwwwaarrrrrrr!!

4 days of each month, I get sad. I talk about it a lot because I am effected a lot by it. Everything becomes a big deal and it's become even bigger because others find it a big deal.

It's not me, it's my hormones... I swear. Give me 4 days of crazy out of 30. Just hold me, be with me, let me do my thing. Let me need you...

The sadness that hits is weird and uncomfortable. If it lasted longer I might feel as though it deserved a stronger name such as "depression". But I don't. It doesn't... at least not for me.

I read this post by Cup of Jo (i know, I re-post a lot of her stuff) and it was about her depression after having child.

 

The funny thing about depression is that you don't know that it's depression—like, chemical imbalance in your brain, or a hormonal crash. You just think it's your actual life--that your career really IS ending, that you really ARE a terrible mother, that your husband really WILL stop loving you, that friends DO think you're boring. At any time in your life, if you just start feeling bad in your mind and mood, you can always come up with a random reason to point to--oh, it's my job! Oh, it's my dating life! Oh, it’s my looks! Oh, it's just me being an awkward person! When you're depressed, you don't realize that your life actually is fine--you're simply sad because you're depressed. The depression is the reason for the depression.

and then there was Hyperboyle and a Half... how honest is that? I always kind of get to the point half way through (if not sooner) where I realise I have nothing to lose. I start making crazy, impulsive choices. Like last month I went to the movies after having cried in the middle of the mall. I went to the movies and I picked the saddest movie EVER to go to-- by my self none the less-- and I wasn't even wearing waterproof make-up. Black streaks came down my face and I left The Vow half way through. Then I cried in the car and drove like a crazy person all the way home. Then I deleted my Facebook profile because I couldn't handle it. and then I re added it a few days later.



I have helped people through there sadness becasue I know what I need, so I give it to them. It's so hard to ask for it though. This month, I'm trying. For real. I am warnign people now and saying my "I'm sorries" now...

because the uncontroled emotion is not what I am used too.

I have been to my doctor and we are trying some new things, I want things to be better now. I have no paitence for this process in myself. I get so irritated at people who make loud nosies or don't listen. I am intense and can't handle stories in the news paper about mistreated animals. People who look at me a little too long, they get put in my bad books for the next few days. I just want to never stop moving and never stop sleeping. I am in a constant state of confliction. and I hate talking about it as much as I do; excpet... I feel better when I talk about it becasue I think it allows people to understand me better.

I keep trying to think there has to be a way that I can use this for something. Use these emotions. There has to be away to turn them around, direct them... sadness is ideal habitate for creativity. Anger is good for cleaning. I ahve energy that needs to move and the more it sits the heavier it makes my heart.

I just want people to understand and accept me but maybe, I have to accept me first too. I just want them to go first, you accept me and then I'll be me. Maybe it doesn't work that way.

and with this sdaness comes other things. I've looked up what the doctor told me about, PDDM:

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome, afflicting 3% to 8% of women. It is a diagnosis associated primarily with the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle. Up to one-third of women diagnosed with PMDD report residual symptoms into the first 2 or 3 days of the follicular phase.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe forms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Like PMS, premenstrual dysphoric disorder follows a predictable, cyclic pattern. Symptoms begin in the late luteal phase of the menstrual cycle (after ovulation) and end shortly after menstruation begins.

Emotional symptoms are generally present, and in PMDD, mood symptoms are dominant. Substantial disruption to personal relationships is typical for women with PMDD. Anxiety, anger, and depression may also occur. The main symptoms, which can be disabling, include

• feelings of deep sadness or despair, and suicide ideation
• feelings of intense tension or anxiety
• increased intense sensitivity to rejection or criticism
• panic attacks
• rapid and severe mood swings, bouts of uncontrollable crying
• lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts; typically sufferers are unaware of the impact they have on those close to them
• apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships
• difficulty concentrating
• chronic fatigue
• food cravings or binge eating
• insomnia or hypersomnia; sleeping more than usual, or (in a smaller group of sufferers) being unable to sleep
• feeling overwhelmed or feelings of being out of control
• increase or decrease in sex drive
• increased need for emotional closeness

Common physical symptoms include:

• breast tenderness or swelling, heart palpitations, headaches, joint or muscle pain, swollen face and nose
• an altered view of one's body - a sensation of 'bloating', feeling fat or actual weight gain.

[copied from Wikipedia]


This is me, 100% and it's always nice to know the cause.

so this is more of me... for you to see. HA! Love me, I'm a monster! ;)

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest

There are some things in my life that have taken on the presence of a hornets nest.

Sometimes, when I see a hornets nest and I wonder to myself, should I kick it?

It isn't bothering me.

It doesn't even notice me anymore, that's what I want... right?

Do I really want to deal with the circumstances if I do engage it in anyway?

hmm...

hmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Leave it alone, B. Leave it alone.

 

But sometimes the hornets nest might actually be a bee hive full of honey.

I like honey.

Looking for Words

Yesterday my BFF got married and I am lost for words. I haven't been able to really share my thoughts with her, how I happy I am to see her this fulfilled. I just have a warmth in my heart and happy tears in my eyes. It's simple. But that's just how we are, nothing has ever been that complicated between us so why should this?

Over the last year, as I have re posted before, I have written a few posts about this love and her journey to getting to this point.

LB has been in my life since 1997, as the sister of my high school sweetheart we became close by default. Then when things started to change and I entered adulthood, Laura stayed by my side. Through all of it. Evey broken heart, panic attack, concert and upset tummy. She was my emotional support when I didn't trust anyone else in my life. She supported me through everything and called me out when I needed to be.

And now she has the love of her person by her side. A new family, a new role and her own new life.

Watching her through the events of the day I could finally see how complete this had made her.

I've always said that she is more than a friend to me, she is a sister by choice.

I have so much heart where LB and C are concerned though I've always been some what vauge and criptic about it. Out of respcet for thier privacy. There stories aren't really mine to tell, but I can share how they've change and inspired my life.

Here is a part of that journey:

Truths

My Best Friends Happiness

Inspiring Love

and I'm sure there will be more as I am countinually touched in my life by her and her own "forever family"

Writing

photo borrowed from here

My blog is a place I put my head. I put the words, thoughts, ideas and feelings that swim around in my mind. I put them all to see. Granted it's maybe about 15% of what actually goes through my head and then lots of stuff I like and want, but it's me. In a nut shell.

This blog has no really theme or rhythm other then it being about me. Or from me.

I suppose if you are a religious reader you might know me a bit better by the flow of things. You can tell when I'm happy or when I'm sad, when I'm distracted or angry. You can tell when something is bothering me and when it's not. You might be able to tell when I've had my heart broken or when I'm in the flowering stages of love or when I'm in the process of shifting my reality. You may know the challenges I have seen and watched me over come them, you may have also watched me make massive mistakes and shook your head when you finally saw the post where I suddenly get it.

Or you may just read through, hoping I'll write something of substance.

It's just me talking to myself... that's really all this is. I don't share it all, and that I do share is sometimes written on code but I like it. It's therapeutic.. it's like journaling. For me.

When I am bored, I love to sift through my posts. I enjoy reading what I was doing on this day last year. Last year, on this day I was in love with my grapefruit knife. What you also don't really know is my life was at that pivotal point of change. Where I was getting ready to let go of something that wasn't working for me and about to meet and jump into the arms of something that would. For a few months at least.

I look back to who that woman was last year and I want to hug her and tell her that she will get strong and she will be proud of herself. I also want to tell her to be a little more fearless... that people you think you might chase away are going to go away regardless of who you are. And the ones that are meant to be around, will stick around. It's nothing personal, really.

and also, try not to worry about Folk Fest... that will blow over. Hopefully. I'm still kind of waiting for that to blow over. Sometimes you just want someone to like you so much because they mean so much to someone in your life but they just don't like you... and the more you try the more you think you are misunderstood and the worse you make it.

Accept that you can't make everyone happy but the people you can't make happy may make other people happy who in turn make you happy. It will work out, it will... it has too... things always do.

and be thankful for the people in your life that do get you... be thankful for your fiend with boundaries, ZT. He was the saving grace that weekend.. WOOOOHOOOO Unicorn Man!!

anyway, it's the end of the day and I've been eating too much sugar and I had a little caffeine so... a glass of wine is in order.

I'm in some kind of weird emotional limbo that is best not to bestow onto anyone... expect those I really love. Haha...

have a lovely weekend... you are loved.

xxoo

At Last

That's where it begins and ends for me and these songs were the ones that touched me the deepest. It was like I was laying hold of some part of me that I didn't even know was there until I let it out.

- Etta James

January 25, 1938 – January 20, 2012

**

At Last--

it's time for you to rest that beautiful, soulful voice.

Thank you for singing the blues when I wasn't able to find the words.


**

Missing

What is it about the missing that makes you wonder, that makes you think. That changes the way things look taste and feel.

What is it about the missing that pulls on my heart, makes me aware of my soul and also causes tingling in my hands.

What is it about the missing that makes cities of millions seem lonesome and empty.

What is it about the missing that makes it feel like years when I only just saw the person the other day?

Is this normal? Is this healthy? I always have trouble knowing what to do with myself when I have to deal with this feeling.

It's not just reserved for lovers either but it's reserved for those who I hold so close to my heart. I ask myself if I have a dependency on the person. I don't, I just like being around them. I can be without but why when I don't need to be.

Missing... it's like a bitter sweet long song that I can't get out of my head. It makes me so happy because of it's beauty but it's so sad because I can't satisfy my craving.

Found a place where I can be
All the things I want you to see
Take my hand into your hands
'Cause I come to you from another land

And I don't need to know your favourite artist's name
And I don't need to know what woman's felt the same
And I don't need to see you every single day
But I'd like to

Break my heart back into place
'Cause I've come to understand you more lately
And I've found a man inside your chest
Some will tear him up and I'll lay him some rest
Rest

And I don't need to know the details of your past
And I don't need to know when you thought of me last
And I would have to say if I'm the sail then you're the mast
And we've caught a good wind, the mast

Because you know me more than any before
'Cause you found the clues between me and you

The Mast-- Feist

Food Blogs

When the pressure of work gets a little lighter, I look at food blogs. I do.. I sit here and I drool and dream about all the wonderful things I could create and eat.


Today, I am looking at this:
Smitten Kitchen

I came across it when I googled "Best Birthday Cake" and one of their cakes came up. It looks pretty but I already like my cake that looks like that. I don't even want to worry about what it might taste like because mine just happens to taste damn good too.


I'm not in the mood for experimenting with cake recipes.

My birthday is this weekend, Saturday to be exact. I'm having about 15 of my closet friends out for karaoke and I think it's going to be a blast. I've rented a room at a Korean bar and everyone knows to expect the maturity level of an 8 year old and a noise level of an AK-47. I'm trying to decide if I want to make a cake and bring it down.

Tomorrow is going to be fun, I know it. Today... today is fake birthday at work. That's the end!

New Addition on my Bucket List

I need to see the penthouse suite at the Fairmont in San Francisco. I must. I need. I have too. HAVE TOO. It's stunning, completly stunning.

Just look at the ceiling in one of the pictures I found in my blog list:

borrowed from An Experiment in Poverty

I want to get married there. Have my reception and funeral there. Basically... I want to live there. I'm sure it's a million dollars and I'm OK with that as long as I get to spend 48 hours in the room and have it been mine for the time.

I have officially added it to my bucket list along with Bali, Antartica, Cambodia and India.

Kids

I have never thought about kids. Well, I have thought about kids. I've thought about how I am not ready for them, how the man I am with at the time wouldn't be the kind of father I would want to give them. I have thought about what it might do to my body and how morning sickness would be scary and how expensive they are and how this world is such a shallow place and how I don't want to bring a child up in it.

And then that started to change. My taste in men changed, my taste in priorities changed and my idea of this big bad world changed. I'm not sure when it hit me, but it did. Slowly... last month I realised I wanted a boy if I could choose. I would want more then one child and just this very moment I realised... I want children.

I believe that I can choose a partner who will be a good father and a good husband. I believe that marriage isn't an old fashioned belief. I believe that I can be a good mother and bring up children who add to the world. I have never felt this way in my life, ever. I'm not worried about getting older or any of that. It will happen if it's meant to happen. I have to get to the place first where I actually feel comfortable having a child. I, in now way, could be a single mother. I need a partner to do this. I have so much respect for women who are everything to their child, and I could do it if I didn't have a choice however, knowing what I do about myself. I am work better in a team. I need someone to support and to support me.

It's weird for me to admit this. I've never really talked about this with such conviction and certainty. In a way, I feel uncomfortable being so honest about this. I imagine that this might change again, that it might waffle away but I am stuck by the fact that it is so confident in my mind. and it has nothing to do with that ticking time bomb people always refer too. It has to do with an actual desire to shape a person or two who will look after this world after I leave. I believe that I can make good little humans to help make this good little world of ours even better.

**

This is my off week of the month. Usually PMS makes me sad, even depressed. I often have really bad digestive issues and migraine. I have none of that right now, right now.. I want kids. Man oh man, I'm glad this doesn't post on Facebook anymore because I am sure this would scare any prospective man. Thankfully, CW is the only real life person I know who reads this anymore and i don't even know if he reads my ramblings.

Bye-Bye 2011

Bidding farewell to viral news stories of 2011

Nyan Cat

First there was Honey Badger and then there was Nyan Cat, I haven't been able to sleep the last two nights (Yes, I'll blame it on the rainbow farting cat NOT on other such things).

Watch this if you dare: