Knowing what I want and getting what I want are two totally different things. One is being honest about things and the other is being honest about things and doing something about it. I have a hard time right now doing something about it. I know what I should do, I need to sit down and talk. Lay it all out because otherwise things get stuck in the nasty little spindle -around and around I go- and I'll never get out of it. I know this... but doing it is another thing all together. Self doubt always creeps in, I've grown enough in most areas of life not be defeated by self doubt however, this isn't one of those things. I think that time is against me- regardless of my choice. One is for sure while the other is an assumption. Choosing what is right is difficult especially where emotions are laid. I can trust that regardless what I choose I will be happy. I'm just a happy kind of person but being stuck with the wonder and the potential regret is a massive concern for me. There isn't anything wrong with things the way they are other then it isn't what I want. That's difficult to push away, it's much easier to remove the things that I know are wrong and harmful.
Again, I find myself looking past my baby steps to the big picture which always intimidates me. I have to remind myself that the NOW is important, over thinking isn't going to safe guard anything. All I have to do is bring it up and see where things go from there. Accept what the best consequences may be and what may be the worst and find out if this really is as good as it gets.
2 comments:
Blanche, I hear what you are saying.
I would describe myself the same way "I'm just a happy kind of person but being stuck with the wonder and the potential regret is a massive concern for me. There isn't anything wrong with things the way they are other then it isn't what I want."
I'm eons older than you. I wish I ignored the self-doubt and jumped in with both feet. I should have defied convention and ignored the pigeon-holes my family made for me. ie. You've got to make a living, you can't go back to school at 26, you can't move away. I was always saddled with massive guilt.
I feel I completely wasted my 20s - partying and looking for a mate. I wish I had spent more time making myself a more interesting ME.
Hope this helps a little.
THIS (above comment) is only a fraction of the reason why they call you "The Clever Pup" :)
I fully appreciate your insight and it does help to put things into a better perspective for me. It's taking that first step though in a direction that doesn't feel comfortable that is always the most difficult- however, I have am aware that sometimes the scariest choices to make are often to most rewarding.
You are a very interesting YOU (just so you know)- just so you know!
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