Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Anxious Attachment Style

Anyone who knows me here or in real life will know I actively see a therapist and have been for many years. It has helped me understand myself and things in my life. I strongly believe that you don't even have to get to a point of being sick to see a therapist. I use mine as a way of maintaining my mental health and ensuring that I don't get sick. My therapist has changed over the years as my issues have evolved and people have moved away or come back.

Currently, I have been seeing a therapist who has taught me about myself in a relationship. I have recently learnt that I have, what is called, anxious-preoccupied attachment style. I think anyone who knows me would agree to this.

I am activated in my relationship right now. I am scared. SO SCARED and I have no idea why... and the relationships that I have been in that I have cared about the person a lot, I have also experienced this. Now it makes sense and it makes sense why I react to things in a certain way.

I haven't always been this way. I had a long-term relationship in my early to mid-20s that totally fucked me up. My part was I was young-- younger than my age-- and naive. I lacked the maturity to leave and the experience to know you can't love a person better. This relationship was filled with adult issues and I was fresh out of a secure, loving relationship so this destroyed a large part of me. As result, I expected people to always be like this person. I started looking for clues to avoid being blindsided, etc. I learnt to also be avoidant and independent, so I stopped having these attached relationships and ended up just having these unemotional, "secure" events.

I am currently in something that has me attached. I am in love. I care for someone and see a future, but as a result, I am experiencing things I haven't experienced in a long time. FEELLINGS and relationship anxiety.

Here is an excellent article for what I need:
5 things you should know about dating someone with an anxious attachment style

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