My Plan This Far

OK, between you and I... I really don't have a plan. I have a handful of goals I keep on hand at any given time. Some I achieve others shift into something different. It's never been a structured things... it just happens. For example, sometimes I think it might be fun to be a Vampire Slayer (I'm really not that big into the whole Vampire thing that's happening right now so Vampire Slayer is PERFECT for me) but then I think and I decided I'd rather be a Dietitian. Or a Rockette.

Friday night I was having a conversation with Mark and I feel at my whits end with everything. The most foreground concern is not feeling well. I do everything right- I eat well, sleep well, I'm active, I don't smoke, I've been taking my antibiotics, sleeping with a humidifier and using Sinus Rinse every morning. I'm doing everything RIGHT... mean while I have friends that eat candy, guzzle booze, smoke like chimney stacks till the cows, cat and dogs come home and never get sick. Friends who just never get sick and do everything wrong. At the risk of sounding like a spoilt, highly entitled child- "It's NOT Fair!"

I get sick a few times a year and when I do my biggest issue is it never leaves. My body hangs on to it as though it's a long lost love from high school. It's as though I have the immunity of an 98 year old lady. It's frustrating because I feel as though my life is slipping past me as I nurse myself back to health. All I want is to feel better so I can get back in the game because if I don't I just get even sicker.

"What am I missing??" I asked Mark and he paused before he said "You need to relax"

I nodded (even though I was on the phone) and agreed "I am high stung, aren't I?"

So after rambling off the biology and chemical mechanism of the body and how being high strung would encourage sickness I decided that it was time to take a step back. I confuse relaxation with being lazy and really, I'm still not convinced that there is any difference between the two. My main concern is looking back on my life and thinking I didn't utilize it to my full potential. Not making the most out of it and there for missing out on optimal happiness. To me, optimal happiness is not being alone. Not feeling alone to be more clear. I need the salt to balance out my pepper so life has the proper flavour.

My goal for the next month is to try to let go... let go of the hypertension, the control and the frantic way I try to live my life as though it's some mind game I'm playing on my self. After some thought the only place I can see myself starting at is my state of mind. I have lost the awareness of staying "present" in life. I am always thinking 5 moves a head myself to ensure that I am always prepared for what ever may potentially come my way. That's exhausting. I'm so busy trying to diffuse any potential life surprise I'm missing out on now (FYI, I haven't read an Eckart Tolle book so I don't really know what The Power of NOW is.).

So the plan is to try to live life more spontaneously, with less of a plan (ironic isn't it). Incorporate more flexibility so everything isn't so ridged that it snaps at the first bend of uncertainty. Take each moment as it is and try not to concern myself that life is slipping through my hands unused. I don't need to always have a plan and I especially don't always need to have a plan for me and everyone else involved in my life. It's up to them to do that for themselves and if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out. I don't need to always be perfect.

Aside from declaring November Nose Washing Month, I am also making November Learn To Relax Month.

Can any of you relate to what I have babbled on about?

What are some of the ways that you find to relax and self sooth?

photo credit: Yahoo Search