There are some things in life that I have always been aware of... the sun shines in the day, the night brings the dark and I am adopted. I am adopted. I'm fortunate to have always felt a part of my family, to me my adoptive mother is my real mother and my adopted father is my real father. I'm also lucky to have a good relationship with my birth mother to whom I see more as a friends; a sister. I don't know who my birth father is, all I do know if his name is John and he was short just like me. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I wonder about him, curious if he has a family and if I look like him. I know he doesn't know that I exist because he was gone before my birth mother even knew I existed. There are still moments though, all my life that when I walk down the street or hear the name John I wonder if this person might be my father. I never suffered from the jilted fantasies of a child that made him out to be a King or a movie star, to me he was always a man who may just happen to have the same nose as me.
It was a week ago that I had a dream about a woman, actually a girl. She was younger then me with glasses and mousy brown hair. In my dream I knew that this was my sister. That has been another fact I have known most of my life, I also have a half sister that is a few years younger then me. We share the same birth mother however due to circumstances beyond any ones control she went to another family and we all lost contact with her. Like most adoptions in the 80's once the adoptive child was gone, they were gone. You could not track them or keep tabs on them. It was the government and they had everything under lock and key, obviously out of respect for everyone involved. That's just the way things were done back then. The only things I know about her is she was named Christine (her birth name, her new family may have changed it) and had a condition that required her to get treatment on her eyes. A total treatable condition.
I have a good relationship with all my siblings even though there is a considerable age gap. I can't help but wonder if that tiny little void inside me that I'm always looking to fill might be missing my unknown half sister. Or perhaps that is just another thing that I am thinking might fight that really won't. Though my mind didn't wander much around my birth father I often made up storied inside my mind of the type of life I pictured "Christine" having. Pink dressed, Barbie dolls and a dimple on her cheek when she smiled. Even now I image her to be a stunning woman with a family of her own drinking coffee in her sunny kitchen on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Unaware of a whole other family out there that sometimes thinks about her.
A few years ago Canada changed some of the privacy laws surrounding adoptions. The birth mothers can send in their information to an agency indicating if they want to have contact or not. Once the adopted child is of legal age they can then access this information if they desire. No one has heard anything yet and I don't really think it's my place to really attempt to locate her, mostly for the risk that some people don't want to be found and some boxes are better left unopened.
It was a week ago that I had a dream about a woman, actually a girl. She was younger then me with glasses and mousy brown hair. In my dream I knew that this was my sister. That has been another fact I have known most of my life, I also have a half sister that is a few years younger then me. We share the same birth mother however due to circumstances beyond any ones control she went to another family and we all lost contact with her. Like most adoptions in the 80's once the adoptive child was gone, they were gone. You could not track them or keep tabs on them. It was the government and they had everything under lock and key, obviously out of respect for everyone involved. That's just the way things were done back then. The only things I know about her is she was named Christine (her birth name, her new family may have changed it) and had a condition that required her to get treatment on her eyes. A total treatable condition.
I have a good relationship with all my siblings even though there is a considerable age gap. I can't help but wonder if that tiny little void inside me that I'm always looking to fill might be missing my unknown half sister. Or perhaps that is just another thing that I am thinking might fight that really won't. Though my mind didn't wander much around my birth father I often made up storied inside my mind of the type of life I pictured "Christine" having. Pink dressed, Barbie dolls and a dimple on her cheek when she smiled. Even now I image her to be a stunning woman with a family of her own drinking coffee in her sunny kitchen on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Unaware of a whole other family out there that sometimes thinks about her.
A few years ago Canada changed some of the privacy laws surrounding adoptions. The birth mothers can send in their information to an agency indicating if they want to have contact or not. Once the adopted child is of legal age they can then access this information if they desire. No one has heard anything yet and I don't really think it's my place to really attempt to locate her, mostly for the risk that some people don't want to be found and some boxes are better left unopened.
photo borrowed from Flickr via Yahoo Image Search
2 comments:
You have a lovely blog sweetie with a great eye for design. Very cool and so glad I found you. Come stop by for a slice of San Francisco...
Aww, its hard not to think about these sorts of things isn't it - imagining what she'd be doing with her life and such. Its a small world sometimes though, you never know what might happen, hopefully you'll meet them some day huh?
Good luck with it all : )
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