Staples; A Love Letter

Dear: Person at the Scanner/Printer/Fax Machine in my Department,

I love you, I really do however it sounds as though you are trying to feed something through the scanner that has a staple in it. Don't do that- PLEASE.

• Reason#1- putting something stapled through the scanner will only scan the FIRST page, not the other pages attached to it by a staple.

• Reason #2- 99.9% of the time it wrecks the machine so none of us can use it. I think you may have one in your own department so my assumption is that you tried to scan your stapled report using that machine and broke it because stapled reports should not be fed through the scanner. My department looks after its high capacity printer, scanner/printer/fax machine and shredder. Your department currently has issues with all 3 of those machines... I'm just saying.

• Reason #3- This is the most important reason so pay attention closely. If my departments printer/scanner/fax machine breaks that means The Lexmark Repair Guy has to come and fix it. That isn't a good thing- at all. It's a very, very, bad thing. A creepy thing.
  

This can all be prevented if you stop trying to scan something that has a staple in it. Please, for the love of GOD! When the machine beeps at you it's not saying a friendly "Hello" it's actually saying "You're feeding me staples and my paper is all bunged up in my machine intestinal track and i don't like you so PLEASE stop touching me and give me some space."

I understand that you are just a person working in an office just trying to get your job done, I get that. We are all in the same Monday-to-Friday-month-end-boat. I also see that you are dedicated to finishing your scanning so I admire your diligence. Strong work ethic can be a hard thing to find these days. Unfortunately, an outsourced office machine repair guy who doesn't come off as a total creep is another rare thing so to save us all... please stop feeding stuff into the scanner with staples in it.

Sincerely,

B.